Raising Zoey Faith

A Breather....

2012-02-01T08:37:00.000-08:00

Zoey had an amazing week. It was such a gift to us. She had relief from teething which meant we saw more and more of our sweet, happy, and joyful little girl. It also meant she ate! She happily ate all the meals we set in front of her (still a little picky) but she ate! It's been as if her body knows it needs make up for the lack of hearty calories while teething. Her new favorite snacks are Multi grain Cheerios, Honey Bunches of Oats, and Veggie Sticks. She loves Macaroni and Cheese like any other toddler and sandwiches cut into hearts or stars (cookie cutter). I've added Green Juice everyday to my diet with a scoop of Chia Seeds and Zoey happily shares that with me. So it's been amazing to see her enjoying mealtime and getting what she needs.

I've cut down on the amount of TV we watch during the day as well. I will full admit I was relying too heavily on Mickey to distract Zoey long enough for me to get my work done. I'm not saying that we won't put a show on for Zoey if we need to get supper made but I've been making a stronger and more conscious effort to try other strategies. She adores Play-Doh, playing with her dolls, blocks, cars, and kitchen. I find that setting up a center or a new activities at the end of the day makes her crazy happy. She is at the age where I can set her up and she goes from there. I love watching her mind work and the discoveries she makes along the way.

All the positives last week and I still found myself dragging my feet. I was mentally drained and I wasn't sure why. Before we could get out of the car to go to the final Spiritual Growth Month meeting, I burst into tears. I grabbed Henry's hand and said, "Not yet." A short minute later I had gathered myself and we headed inside. Then, surrounded by our friends and family, I felt calmer. Zoey had fallen asleep and we were able to sit quietly to listen to the message. After we had a chance to visit some more and even made plans for the following Sunday.

It occurred to me that the busyness of work and our schedules that keep us from having regular family meals together, also keeps us often from our friends. We do our best, but last week got the best of us in constant movement and passing each other as we sprinted to the next activity. I'm 5 years into this job and it's still a struggle sometimes, but I'm grateful. I'm continuing to change my heart and attitude about all areas of life. God is drawing me in closer and closer prompting me to turn to Him for support and direction. In my bones I feel changes, big, small, good, and who knows maybe not so exciting. But we've been learning more and more everyday about how to do life better.

This week is starting better. Even with much earlier mornings with Henry leaving for work earlier so he can be home earlier to be with Zoey so I can teach class, it's been great. We still have our coffee together in the morning, and after he leaves I've been back on the treadmill off a ridiculously long absence. Henry doesn't see Zoey before he leaves for work, but he's home to spend the whole evening with her instead. We feel a little calmer it seems, but time will tell. I am being observation to ensure Henry doesn't burn out with the early mornings, but he seems to enjoy the quiet morning drive and a chance to pray while he's alone in the shop for awhile.

So continue to pray for us, if you feel so inclined, as we continue to seek God and learn how to best navigate this amazing life we've been given.

The Things That Matter...

2012-01-19T13:15:00.000-08:00

Months ago there was a massive grass fire in Lethbridge. My sister called and asked if we were okay. I was completely confused as we were oblivious to any of the drama unfolding around us. We had been quietly enjoying our Sunday afternoon until we got the call. As I was talking to her I went upstairs to have a look and I saw plumes of smoke behind the row of houses across from us. I called to Henry and asked him to come have a look, "We might have a problem..."

That set in motion a flurry of information (via Facebook, Twitter, etc), a number of calls and texts (which made us feel incredibly loved and cared for), and some decision making. As it became clear the fire was quite close and as it was unclear what we were being told to do, we needed a plan. We weren't afraid of loosing our house or even our possessions, we weren't even unsure of where to go (Family and friends offered their homes within the hour), it was the uncertainty that made me nervous.

I think like most, I dislike the feeling of uncertainty or the lack of a plan. However, this was a lesson for me in Faith and Trust. Early in the evening I was trying to pack an emergency bag when I realized we hadn't prayed yet. I came downstairs and asked Henry to do that for us before we did anything else. With a greater sense of calm I packed was I thought we may need.

How surreal to pack the few items in your life that you think you 'need'. I focused on the items that I figured would keep us clothed and clean for a day or two, and moved to sentimental things. Outside of passports and birth certificates, I grabbed a baby book and Zoey's Boots (her stuffed animal) and Blankie. Everything else mattered very little as long as my family was safe.

It's a lesson I've been trying to reflect on continuously. It's so easy to become bogged down with the drama or struggles in day to day life and forget to focus on the treasures. Easier said than done, but I have some truly amazing gifts and blessings from God.

What would you pack?

So Many Babies....

2011-12-20T11:19:00.001-08:00

So many of my dear friends have had or are expecting babies! It's been amazing to witness. It's also left me thinking about my baby, and how much she's grown over the last year. These photos are from last Christmas. Look at those sweet chubby cheeks. She was moving around a little at that time and she really got a sense and skill for unwrapping presents as well.

This year my girl is running everywhere, eating solid food (a little picky but that's typical), chatting up a storm, and pushing through her 2 year molars. She seems so grown up, more independent than I even imagined, loving, and emotional.

So with all the new babies around I've started to miss the 'Baby' in my baby girl. But only for a little while. Don't get me wrong in the middle of all the work and sleeplessness, I savored all the moments in the first year, and I do miss some of that. But my little girl still wants to cuddle with her Mommy and Daddy, she regularly brings her blankie and stuffie and will crawl on my lap and declare she is sleepy and curls up and falls asleep. I will continue to savor these moments and I think she will always be my baby girl. Even my mom still calls my sister and I baby girl. It seems to come with the territory.

As for adding a new baby into our lives.....would I be up for doing this all over again?

In a heartbeat, but until then, Henry and I are soaking up every moment with our precious Zoey.

How To Raise Your Children.....

2011-11-15T09:29:00.001-08:00

Some events and information that I have obtained in recent days has left me asking questions. Henry and I have talked a lot in the evenings after Zoey is tucked away to bed. I've been asking, 'How hard do you get to push your children to believe and do what you want?'

We try our best to teach our children to make good choices. We start with their behavior, then the food choices, activities, friends, etc. Henry and I pray every night that Zoey's future includes a faithful and close relationship with our God. We pray that He keeps her safe and healthy and that most of all He would draw her near and help us to guide her in that direction.

I don't think that I want her to necessarily believe everything that we believe, although some day's it seems that it would be nice! I've been communicating with a dear friend and expressing some of my concerns and personal beliefs about a situation and it's left me wondering how to do that for our children. If they make life decisions that we disagree with, how much do we get to push to make or encourage a different choice? Or do we say our peace and love them and make sure they know we are always there for them? Henry is steadfast in the belief that while we may not always like or agree with the decisions our children make (who does?), God will be a guiding force for them.

Already when Zoey goes to bed and when we sit down to eat, we tell her 'Time to Pray Zoey' and she gleefully claps her hands together or reaches to hold our hands while we pray. I know that it's a routine for now, but I am praying that these small moments and moments for her will be pieces that lead her to big and amazing things.

God has his loving hand over Zoey and I pray and believe that someday she will look up and love Him back.

I have so few answers in life, but of that I am sure.

A Matter of Faith....

2011-09-12T16:34:00.000-07:00

Last week many of us were horrified to hear of a child abduction in Sparwood, B.C. Three year old Kienan Hebert was taken from his home in the middle of the night. When I first heard about it on the radio first thing in the morning, I jumped up from our bed and ran downstairs to check on Zoey. I knew that one child being taken did not mean that mine had been also but I needed to see her and hear her breathing in the moment. I think many parents would understand.

Over the next couple days I could not shake this story from my head. It was constantly running in the back of my head. This is not unusual for me. Those who know me. know that stories of people hurting and in pain, whether I know them or not, find a way deep into my heart. I feel grief deeply with others who I do not know and even more with those that I do. I've learned to accept and even like this part of myself, being a caring person makes me who I am. However, the weight I was feeling for this family and for this precious little boy was growing and did not lessen over the days. I felt strongly that God was telling me to pray and pray often for this boy as he would be okay. I wasn't sure if it was optimism, as I always want the best outcome (as most do), but these need to pray and have faith would not leave me. I don't have such strong feelings often but I always take them very seriously when they come.

I had been fighting such a persistent cold all week and Saturday night was the worst so far. I had managed to fall into a much needed sleep until at 12:30am I jolted awake after a vision or dream where I distinctly saw the headline, "B.C Boy Found". Hopeful, I grabbed my phone and searched online to see if was true. I was saddened when I could not find anything. After that, sleep eluded me for an hour and I had begun coughing as well so I decided to relocate myself downstairs so I wouldn't keep Henry awake. One of us should be able to get some sleep. Once I was downstairs I still couldn't get Kienan off my mind enough to sleep so I pulled out the laptop and started searching again to see if I missed something. During this time, God was telling me to pray and pray persistently and so I obeyed. That evening I was unable to get to sleep until early morning, last I had checked it was somewhere around 5:00am when I was able to drift off.

We were up early Sunday morning since Henry was playing worship at the church. I had decided to stay home since I really wasn't feeling well but I wanted to have some time with Henry before he left. As I poured our coffee I told him about my experiences from that evening. I was telling him that I had seen the headline in my vision or dream and couldn't stop praying about it all night. I was telling him that I was a little confused by the level of pressing I was feeling. As I was finishing this thought and bringing our cups of coffee to the table Henry had opened the laptop and said, "You're not going to believe this...they found him". I think my eyes must have popped completely out of my head. I started to cry and I ask Henry, "Is he okay?". We say down together and read the amazing account of Kienan's safe return to his home. It is a completely unbelievable, unheard of story. His abductor brought him back to his home, and called 911 to tell them that the child would be found in the house. Only by the grace of God was this series of events possible.

I am sharing this with you because this series of events has had a profound impact on me and I want to share my unwavering belief in my God. The God who has his hand of protection and love around me and my family always. It has impressed upon me the power of prayer, not just my prayer, but the prayers of a country.

I am a worrier, it affects my life in a way that I keep to myself. People do not see the rapid fears and worries that assault my mind at almost every step of my life. However, I know, with one hundred percent certainty and confidence that my faith in God keeps me from self destruction. When fears plague me, I am able to breath and pray to the one who understands me and my mind the best. I give it to Him and a prayer asking for protection and will for our lives allows me to continue on. This is not to say I never struggle, I have many many struggles but I have been learning so much and I am so grateful.

I am overjoyed at the safe return of Kienan Hebert and I celebrate with his family as they are able to hug him, hold him, and kiss his head again. And I also am grateful for the way God has continued to reveal Himself to me and my family.

Priceless....

2011-08-07T20:58:00.000-07:00

Tonight Henry and I were watching a slideshow of pictures of Zoey. Henry was looking at the newborn images and said softly, "I look at these, and I know 100%, I would do it again."

With tears I replied, "In a heartbeat"

Your Mommy and Daddy love you completely Zoey Faith <3

Nothing Wrong....

2011-08-02T07:37:00.000-07:00

So I have been stewing for awhile about some points of view and I think it's time to put my (our) thoughts out there. I apologize if it comes across as a rant, it is not directed at anyone, there are just some thoughts that need to be expressed.

Zoey, my sweet, precious, sparkling, adventurous, loving, giggling, dancing, beautiful, Zoey, is shy around people sometimes. In new or different environments, she generally likes to be able to fall back to the people she knows best and is most comfortable with. A lot of the time, that's myself or Henry. This is a completely normal and developmentally appropriate response and behaviour. It is NOT a character flaw.

Zoey is smart and able to sense when she is comfortable. Once she feels safe she is able to explore and engage with others. Please don't take it personally when she is tentative around you. There are at least 20 other factors that sometimes play into how she responds to others. When we haven't had enough sleep, or are feeling sick or in pain, most adults struggle to interact with others.

Lately, as Zoey has learned to walk, she is becoming more independent and explores her environments with more and more confidence. It's exciting to watch and help her develop this confidence. However, even if she continues to be a little shy with others, Henry and I will never fault her for that perfectly normal behaviour.

So the simple point of this post is to let Zoey know (when she's older), others around us, and maybe other parents who have 'Shy' children, that it's okay! My daughter is not wonderful in spite of her shyness, she is amazing because of all the part of who she is, which includes a shyness. I am so grateful that Zoey has confidence in her parents and feels safe and secure.

Feeling Victorious....

2011-07-29T13:34:00.000-07:00

There isn't a whole lot to update today but I felt the desire to share how proud I am of Zoey. For those that have followed along with me, you are familiar with the struggles and doubts that came along with 'Sleep Training'. A year might seem like an absurd age to finally have naps and bedtime figured out but I have no regrets. Our days consist of no tear naps, I tell her it's naptime twice a day and she wraps her arms around me, gives a little kiss and curls up and sleeps. Bedtime has been a blissfully peaceful part of our evening.

I know it was a struggle for a long time, many tears shed by Zoey and myself, long talks in the middle of the night between Henry and myself wrestling with the choices we made. But at the end of it, I know we will have the occasion rough night (we had one this week) but as far as the norm, Zoey is perceiving nighttime, and sleep as what it should be, quiet and safe. Sleep is restful and a chance for her little body to get the rest it needs.

I hope that Zoey always knows how proud her mommy and daddy are of her, for the big and small things. Always and Forever <3

Milestones....

2011-07-19T08:21:00.000-07:00

What a week! My little girl is transforming into a toddler before our eyes! This past week has held some very big changes for her and she has handle them like a champ.

Last week we made the big decision to wean Zoey entirely. We had already weaned the day time nursing and I was only nursing at night for about ten minutes. It was working well for us, but on Wednesday she was playing with Henry before we read her story. She was jumping, giggling, and squealing on our bed as she played. Suddenly I burst into tears. Henry was a little taken a back (understandably). I told him that in that moment I knew Zoey was ready to stop nursing all together. I wrestled with deciding to make that transition that night but decided I wasn't completely ready yet. So we made the plan that we would wait until Friday night when Henry would be able to be home to put her in bed. I cried a lot on Wednesday night. I felt a little silly but I realized it was okay. For nearly 16 months Zoey and I have had that quiet and special time for just the two of us, and even with the challenges in the beginning, it was precious to me. I loved being able to comfort her and help her calm quietly and sleep. But my sweet girl is growing up and that brings me more joy than I could have imagined. So Thursday night I quietly read her Bible story, prayed with her, and she nursed for a few minutes. I brought her down to bed and she curled up and snuggled up with her Boots. Friday night my sister in law took me out for a drink and we chatted and just enjoyed the time together. Henry put her to bed, and for the first time in her little life, I wasn't there....and I was okay. I've been doing just fine since my tears on Wednesday. I still absolutely want to be here when she goes to bed but it's amazing seeing her grow up and learn these new skills. I couldn't be more proud of her.

As if that milestone wasn't enough, she is also WALKING now! Full tilt! She took a few tentative steps early in the week and by Thursday she was really going, and now, she almost never crawls and she toddles everywhere! On Friday, Henry got home from work and she ran to him. I got a little misty, it was beautiful. He has been so excited for the day when she ran to him when he gets home and it's one of the best parts of our day.

Zoey has been also eating a lot more which is huge! She is a little picky, or I should actually say, she knows what she likes. She will try almost anything, but to actually consume a lot, she has to like it. I think that's fair, most people would go by that rule. She loves Vegetable Thin crackers and could eat 5 nectarines a day if I let her! She adores any fruit and yogurt, and banana bread. She'll try the pasta we have or some of the meats but we are still trying to find more things she enjoys. But it's truly a joy seeing her nibble away at new foods and gobble them up. Again, we are so incredibly proud. Henry and I regularly look at her and just become overcome with how excited we are for her.

So Summer continues to be busy and filled with excitement and activities but I am loving every minute!

Summer - Day One

2011-07-04T11:49:00.000-07:00

Well Summer is here! And we had a fantastic family kick off!

Last week I finished my school year and office hour requirements and now I'm trying to cram my days with fun activities for me and my girlie. This weekend we had a lot of fun things to do while Daddy was home for the long weekend. On Friday we went to Calgary to go to the Zoo and see some awesome friends we hadn't seen in far too long. The kiddos had a blast! It was busy but their little guy and Zoey got a long great (as well as a 3 1/2 and 1 year old can :). Zoey was so excited to see the animals this time! It was a stark contrast to the previous visit. She saw the Elephants and squealed and pointed. Henry put her on his shoulders and then got a good look at them. We saw some monkeys, a baby Gorilla, Giraffes, Hippos, and Lions! She was mesmerized by all of them. It was fantastic. After that we parted ways with our friends and headed to IKEA. We grabbed some grub there and managed to find Zoey a really cute Art Easel. She already loves it and talks and colors and 'Oohs and Aahs' at her creations.

This was the first trip we made with her since last October when we made the long trip to Saskatchewan. We fully admit we were scarred by that experience. It was a tough tough go but we have a new carseat and Zoey is a lot older now. She did great! I don't know how much longer she really would have wanted to go but it was a good trial run. In the fall we are heading back to Saskatchewan for my students Grad but I think we will be a little more prepared. Plus with her being older, I think she can be bribed and distracted much more easily than a 6 month old :)

Something exciting things have begun happening over the weekend. Zoey is weaning! We got back from Calgary and we realized she hadn't nursed all day! It was shocking, and she did fine. So we are in day four of no daytime feedings and only at night. Those will go away soon too but for now I'm trying to prepare myself for having this stage finish for us. I'm thrilled and devastated all at the same time. A very strange emotion, but I know that this is the perfect way for it to happen and it's time. She is doing so much better with eating solids. As I sit and write this, she is working on some toast, eggs and cheese. And with my being on holidays I can let her sit and work on her plate as long as she needs.

The rest of the weekend we spent outside. It was awesome! We did yardwork, cleaned windows, Zoey played on a blanket on the grass, on the deck with her new easel, and just enjoyed being around us and playing. We went for a few walks and ran some errands, honestly, one of the best weekends I can remember. On Sunday we went for another walk, played in her little pool outside and then capped the day off with a viewing of Tangled. She plunked down with Henry and the two of them nearly fell asleep. It was precious. Henry and I both agree we can get behind the idea of family movie night on Sundays. It would be a fun way to end the weekends. Just a thought.

Today Zoey and I have been keeping busy already. We headed to the library that's just across the way for us. When we got there we found out they were having a Toddler time so we stayed and sang some songs and looked at some more books. She did well. She really is a shy little girl but that's just who she is. Once she felt a little more at ease she crawled over to the book bin and pulled a bunch out, she smiled at the teacher, and made a couple friends (smiles mostly). It was a good thing to see, I think we will make that a semi regular activity. It's a pretty quiet and relaxed environment so she responds well to that.

We are so looking forward to having more adventures and quality time together this summer! So far so good :)

Sleeping Beauty

2011-05-30T14:04:00.000-07:00

If I put Zoey down for a nap while she's still awake, I leave the door open just a crack. That way if she cries before falling asleep, I can still creep up to the door and peak in on her to make sure she's alright. There are a lot of reasons that I do this, but probably number one has to be, Peace of Mind. There have been a few nights since she's been born that I've gotten up in the night and had a peak in on her. I listen to hear her soft breathing and look just over the edge of her crib and see that she's sleeping. Sometimes I come upstairs and tell Henry about the crazy positions I find her in. Without fail, he will smile and laugh, and say, "we have one cute kid".

Today she fell asleep in the bouncy seat we have in the bathroom. Since she's still not one hundred percent stable (and the space isn't Zoey proofed yet) she will hang out in there as I get a shower after a run. It's a lovely routine. This time she fell asleep in her chair which is always unbearably precious. I finished cleaning up and brought her down to her crib to finish her nap. She woke up as I laid her down and she cried. I kissed her, covered her up, and closed the door leaving that crack open. After just a few minutes I went to check on her and I smiled when I saw her. She was staring at the designs on the bumpers, playing with the blankets, swinging her feet around. There is a great deal of sweetness in the simplicity of my little girl falling asleep, peacefully in her crib.

Putting It Off...

2011-04-12T09:51:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to add a post for Zoey's first birthday. Well it's been a few weeks and I haven't been able to get that done.

How on earth do I summarize what the past year has been like? It's been so indescribably amazing and huge. I've sat down a few times to try and write her one year post but the words have escaped me...

The last few weeks have been amazing and tough. Zoey is sleeping through the night....those who have been reading my posts and talked to me, know how much this concerned us. It wasn't a fact of not wanting or a unwillingness to get up with her, but it was a concern that we were doing something wrong. We also know that being able to get to sleep and stay asleep is an important skill. We are so so proud of her and so happy that we managed this milestone. It's as we told ourselves multiple times over the past year, there are so many times I've thought "I'm not sure how she'll do this?" and suddenly one day, she does it. The human body and Zoey in general is amazing and I have learned to have faith that God knows what the plan is for our little family.

I cannot believe how fast my little girl is growing up. I see glimpses of this amazing toddler everyday. It seems everyday she learns something new, develops a new behaviors or skill, and everyday she shatters our hearts with how much we love her.

In the midst of a fit where she thrashes when I hold her and screams till shes purple if I put her down, I step back and think about how frustrating it can be but wonderful at the same time. Learning big lessons, teething, and life in general can be tough and I marvel at the ability and honor to watch her learn even the tough things. I've always felt pretty good with patience with others, especially children. I am grateful for this trait as it's served our family well. It's not always easy but I hope that Zoey can sense how much she is loved and how unconditional that love is.

We have been reading Zoey Bible stories before bed and it's awesome. Henry reads it and we do the actions together, it warms my heart to be teaching her these important lessons and stories early. Last night we went upstairs to get her ready for bed and she crawled over to my bedside table with a purpose. I was about to tell her 'Don't touch' when I realized she was going straight for her Bible (a very cute pink one 'Just for Girls'). I gave it to her and she flipped happily through the pages. Henry came and sat down with her and they found the right story and she clapped and smiled as he read it to her. There has been a massive amount of ulcer inducing stress in my/our life for the last while. So much that some days I feel like I wander through my day in a daze. I feel as though I just need to 'Get through the day'. I try and keep my home from falling apart, complete my job in a manner that I can be proud of, make sure my daughter has plenty of time with mommy and feels loved, and manage time with my amazing husband. Some days this along with the other demands in my life feel overwhelming. However, I am in the process of relearning how to lean on God for everything and to take things piece by piece and not taking it all on in one shot.

Life is so amazingly good and I am feeling incredibly blessed. As people in the Province have lost their homes to fire and with what feels like an unending string of horrific natural disasters, I am grateful for everything I have.

My sweet and precious Zoey has brought so much joy to our lives and we are so proud of her. We thank God daily for her. I pray she always knows how loved and precious she is!

Mommy and Daddy love you sweetheart <3 Always and Forever

Becoming Confident...

2011-03-16T07:44:00.000-07:00

I've been realizing that parenting requires confidence, something that does not always come easily when you feel like you have no idea what you are doing.

We are trying to grow in our confidence in what we are doing with Zoey. There are some areas in our everyday life that makes it a little more difficult some times. Sleep has been an issue this week. I'm not sure exactly what is causing the issue, but Zoey has been waking up nearly hourly the past couple nights. It makes it difficult for the poor thing (and her poor parents) to feel entirely rested in the morning. She has increased her frequency of feedings during the day in the last 48 hours so it makes me think perhaps teething, growth spurt, cold...anyone of those things. Henry and I talk a lot about what we want/think we should do. We read articles and books, talk to other parents. The general consensus, in my humble opinion, is that every child is drastically different and there are very few 'One Size Fits All' solutions. I have owned the choices we made and the difficult days that they may create in our future and I think that is part of trying to become confident. Henry and I know Zoey the best, we have a pretty good idea of what has/will work, but we are not so closed minded that we are not open to other suggestions and advice.

One of the difficulties we are having is we know Zoey would be able to cry it out, but since she stands up in her crib every time and it begins a crazy process of her crying, falling asleep while standing, falling down and starting all over because she's scared or bumped herself. If she does manage to sit down first, she wakes herself up every time her head bobs forward. We bought a new crib set for Zoey's birthday and it includes bumpers that we hope will help a little. As I was writing this post, I had to stop since my daughter was having a meltdown. She wanted me to pick her up but we are working to make sure she gets picked up not because she's crying. She worked herself up into a tizzy and once she finally settled I held her and rocked her a little and her muffled hics and soft cries began to slow into a sleeping breath. This reinforces the knowledge that she could fall asleep on her own, but who would want to deal with falling asleep standing up? We are talking about perhaps consistently going in and laying her back down. It's worth a shot.

This would be easy if I felt like we knew exactly what would work, or if her cries didn't go straight to our hearts. We love her so much and we are finding that balance between making sure she feels loved, supported, and comforted by her parents and also making sure as her parents we help her grow and develop the skills she needs.

I am trying so hard to relax about it all and give it to God. We will figure it all out. Zoey is a healthy, beautiful, spunky little girl. We love her so much and treasure every blessed moment with her, even the tough ones.

On an exciting point, we are trying to figure out what to do for her 1st Birthday Party! It's clearly all for us adults but it's excited none the less! My precious little girl is turning One and I cannot believe it!

Sleep Training....Sigh...

2011-03-01T13:19:00.000-08:00

Brutal! Last weekend was exhausting for Henry and I. We've been working with Zoey on going to sleep in her crib without being fed first or being totally asleep. She's resisting, but mostly only for her afternoon nap. We generally have been fighting with her on it for an hour minimum everyday. She's so so exhausted but either falls asleep while standing in her crib and then wakes up screaming (who wouldn't sleeping like that!) or she'll give in and sit down but the movement of a head drooping as she falls asleep wakes her every time. The other day it was every time her head drooped she would bang into the crib bars. Poor baby. By the end of it I end up peaking through the little crack in her door to see if she's okay, and at the end of the hour, I wait for her to quiet down before I get her.

I pray the whole time, begging to see her just gently lie down and give into the sleep. I have been thinking I need to write down some where a note to her, so that when she's older, maybe even when she is doing the same thing with her children, she knows mommy was always watching her, listening for her soft breath, praying for her, loving her. As awful as it is, and as awful as she may feel in the moment, she's never alone. Her parents are always there. I think that is such a comforting idea. I know that I gained so much comfort from the presence of my parents when I was younger and as well as I get older. I think even more so, the imagery is significant when we think about our Heavenly Father. We sob and cry. We beg and ask why, but we are never alone. No matter how we feel, He is watching and loving us. We are doing this with Zoey because we know (or hope) it's best, and who better to know what is best for us than God.

So my Dearest Zoey. Whenever you read this, please know that your Mommy and Daddy love you more than they ever thought they could love another person. We are always watching you and loving you. We pray daily for you and look forward to a day where you will come to know the comfort and joy in prayer and even more so, in a relationship with your Heavenly Father. We love you, forever and always.

And now I'm going to get my baby girl and make her feel all better <3

Dragging Our Feet...

2011-02-15T06:59:00.000-08:00

Feeling a little tired this morning. Teething has reared it's ugly head once again and is making a full night sleep for our little girl much more difficult. Sunday night was long as Zoey was up three times. We were tired but it's manageable. It's amazing how your body adapts and adjusts to the lack of sleep! Last night was longer, after the third time up I decided I needed to get her back to sleep without bringing her upstairs. Sometimes it's a difficult choice as just keeping with the routine is quicker and easier, but I wanted to give it a go.

The last time I tried she was teething as well, and I'de rock her to sleep until she went limp with sleep and as I would lay her down her eyes would pop open and she would scream. I'de try to comfort her, rub her head or tummy, turn on her aquarium, but she would fight my hands away and scream and pull herself up and beg me to hold her again. I rocked her to sleep again and again tried to lie her down once she was close to sleep. The same thing, she woke up screaming. I decided I would see if she would fall asleep if I went upstairs for a minute. In less than five minutes she was coughing and gagging. Zoey has allergies that result in a running nose, and when she cries, the nose runs more and it causes her to gag and cough and if we don't calm her she vomits. So I went back down and calmed her down. I think understandably I felt a little discouraged. After almost an hour she was still awake and anytime I turned to her crib she wrapped her little arms around my neck. So I gave in and realized in order for us all to get some sleep I brought her upstairs and fed her briefly. She fell asleep and slept the rest of the night.

That was a week or so ago, last night was a near exact replica, except that even after I brought her up she resisted sleep. I rubbed her tummy, and she seemed to need to release some gas. After a few minutes of gentle tummy rubs she was sleeping. I think getting to sleep needs to be a peaceful process. I completely understand that babies need to be able to get themselves to sleep, and when she isn't teething she is fully capable and she does. But when there is something bothering her, teething, stomach pains, otherwise, she gets much to worked up to sleep.

So after I had her asleep, I took her back down and she stayed asleep as I laid her down. Relief! I came back upstairs and crawled into bed greedily. Henry and I chatted about what we thought about what had happened for a few minutes and then curled up to go to sleep. Less than a half an hour later and she woke up screaming again. Very quick and sudden. Henry went to get her and brought along her Infacol. We gave her a dose and some more tummy rubs and soon enough she went back to sleep. She did manage to sleep the rest of the morning. I feel that it was gas pain that was keeping her up. I always end up kicking myself when we realize what the problem was, I wish I had tried something simple in the beginning. It's a learning process for all of us.

Henry and I are committed to praying for wisdom and help in raising this precious little girl and if there are nights without sleep to figure things out and to raise a daughter who feels loved and cared for, so be it. We are so incredibly grateful for Zoey and her continued health. Life is so full and we are soaking up every crazy, confusing, and exhausting minute!

Baby Blue Eyes

2011-02-09T08:02:00.000-08:00

Zoey has the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen. People tell me that she gets them from me and I think that is the most flattering comment. From the day she was born Henry and I have marveled at her big blue eyes. She has been wide eyed from the first hour. Now as she gets older these eyes carry so much expression. When she smiles so big that her face can't contain it her eyes dance. They crinkle on the side and squint. When she is scared or startled, her eyes get large and open. They try to take everything around her in and seems to be searching for someone to comfort her and make her feel safe. When she laughs her eyes close and then open wide when she tries to gasp for breath (mostly when she's playing with her daddy). When she is sad, tears cling to her beautiful lashes and her eyes beg us to make it better.

As my sweet girl gets older, it is bitter sweet in ways, but we are soaking in every milestone, every new sound, facial expression, and triumph. It's hard to believe she is almost a year old! It's impossible to imagine life without this beautiful blue eyed girl in our lives.

Delicious Fridays...

2011-02-04T09:42:00.000-08:00

It's finally Friday and after such a long week, I feel ready to recharge a little bit. Poor Zoey had an incredibly tough week with teething. Every morning this week ended with sobbing and screaming. Some days carried into the afternoon, but we survived. Today seems to be going a bit better already but a good nap always helps!

She always perked up when her daddy came home. She is trying so hard to talk and when he would get home it was as if she would try to tell him everything she did. She's exploring the ranges of her voice, with high squeaks and low 'Oohs', it's been a perfect way to end our days.

Fridays are treasures to me. After a long week at work, I have the day off. So I get a chance to just play with my monkey. We clean the house, read, play with toys, and sometimes we even get out of the house! It's odd when you get out and realize, hey this is the first time since Sunday! It's a lifestyle I have adapted to however. Tonight I am planning on making Henry's favorite Ice Cream Cake. I was going to make it for his Birthday but since it had coffee in it, it was not allowed in January. I think it might be a nice treat to enjoy while we relax tonight.

This week I have also rediscovered one of my childhood loves, Adventures in Odyssey. It's a Focus on the Family radio show that's been running for over twenty years. My sister and I used to listen to them all the time. I would actually have them running as I would go to sleep. So it's been fun going through and listening to old shows and learning about the new ones. I was so sad to find out that the actor who played Mr Whit for many many years passed away last year. So it's a little different hearing a new actor, but I remember adjusting when the original actor Hal Smith passed away and I embraced Paul Herlinger quickly. It's the character that is treasured along with the people who bring them to life. It will always have a place in my heart, with all the lessons it taught me. I still remember specific things that I've learned and held on to that I gained from Odyssey. I hope maybe someday Zoey will find them a blessing to her as well.

Teething Can Bite Me...

2011-02-01T07:45:00.000-08:00

My poor monkey has been had a couple days of intense teething. Yesterday was a tough one, she cried and slept all morning. Finally I decided it was time to try the Anbesol and within 30 seconds life was better again. The Pharmacist who gave it to us had put a fear in me, and seemed to be disappointed that we would even consider using the infant formula. We hardly use it, but it's a miracle when we need it. The slightest amount seems to take that edge off and she can enjoy her day again.

The poor little girl, it hurts as a parent to see her in so much pain, especially when there is not much you can do. I'm dreading the first Flu, Cold, and bad injury, but it will come and go and we will all survive.

Until then we will deal with the teething with snuggles, juice, Dora the Explorer, and the random dose of Tylenol and Anbesol. It's days like these where I am grateful to be able to work from home. I snuggle her in my lap as long as I can and power through emails, curriculum, and assignments. I've been doing this awhile now so I feel like I've been able to be pretty successful.

Last night, Daddy cured all ails while he played and giggled with her. He eventually brought his guitar down and let her strum with his pick. It was the sweetest thing to see her little bum bouncing to the music and her arms flapping excitedly when Daddy showed her how to make sound come from the large contraption. Someday Zoey will be able to appreciate how special it is to have a daddy that is more concerned about time with her than a potential scratch on a guitar. Not to say that we aren't learning the words 'Gentle' and 'Don't Touch', but moments like that are a beautiful thing.

Teething will someday end, and until then we will do our best to comfort and savor each precious smile!

I Wouldn't Change A Thing...

2011-01-26T08:45:00.000-08:00

So I recently grabbed myself a new app. Henry got me a iTunes gift card for Christmas and I have been savoring every penny. Something about having that little chunk of change just for me is fun! I started with Bruno Mars' album, Zoey and I dance around to those tunes all day :)

The most recent purchase was a camera app. It takes pictures with my iPhone but turns them into vintage photos. I'm not much of a photographer, but I know what I like the look of and honestly, Zoey can't seem to take a bad picture! I think she gets a lot of that from her daddy.

I thought I would share some of the pictures I have taken. My gorgeous little girl with those big blue eyes, takes my breath away.

Trying To Do It Right...

2011-01-12T09:11:00.000-08:00

Henry and I were chatting last night about Parenting. Man, I think of it as being a Mom is way easy, but Parenting, that's hard! That's just my personal spin on it :)

I've been thinking a lot about the pressure that parents put on ourselves and that we get from others. We were talking about how we all have pretty intense opinions about what we think works and what doesn't, but the one size fits all concept only works if all children are exactly the same. And anyone who has more than one child or has worked with children, knows that simply isn't true.

So the take away, we welcome advice from people in the know, I love to hear what worked for you, but when it comes to the decisions we make for our children, this club of parents needs to become a little more accepting. I know for me, I was a very attached child. I had a great deal of anxiety over the idea of having to be away from my parents or family. It was just how I was hard wired. I have to thank my parent for never forcing the issue with me. They were very understanding and in a way accommodating. I don't remember feeling embarrassed or pressured with my family to get over it and separate myself from them. One could have been very concerned when your 7 year old daughter is panicking over the idea of leaving for college. But I remember my mom just smiling, giving me a hug, and saying, "I promise when that time comes you will be ready, but you don't have to pack your bags anytime soon." The reality for me ended up being excitement when it came time to move to College. No tears were shed and I loved the years I spent there.

So when it comes to a daughter who has a little bit of separation anxiety, Henry and I are very unconcerned. My goal is to make sure that she knows she is loved, and is always able to come to us. Family is supposed to be a safe place to go and feel comforted and honestly I would be concerned if it was any other way. So I will not be pushing her to cut the cord, but over time I am completely confident that she will be able to strike it out on her own and grow into a fabulous and confident young woman and I can't wait. But until then I will hold on to my baby girl and let her feel safe in my arms.

Baby On the Move!

2011-01-11T14:17:00.000-08:00

I've been trying to upload videos and it's just not working! So I am very sorry about that and I will keep trying!

Zoey is crawling all over the place! She is stunning! Over the holiday she really started to move and it was amazing. We really think she is going to be walking anytime now. She pulls up on everything and she wants to move even more. The little girlie gets so frustrated when she can't sit down on her own. She'll be standing and turns her head and half cries. So we are trying to help her realize she can sit down on her own and she'll survive. I'll hold my hand out and she holds on tight and plunks down. I want her to know that no matter what mommy and daddy are there for her and while we know she can do stuff on her own, we are right there for her, always.

It's daunting watching her grow up. It gives me so much joy but it all happens so fast that sometimes I just want to hold on to those moments. She sleeps so well in her crib now for naps that sometimes I'll cheat and just hold her. I've been struggling with feeling a little anxious about the whole weaning process...but I have resolved to give myself a break in that area. We have decided to continue at least to a year, it's healthy for her, and since it's working so well why not?

Work is going pretty well actually! I was anxious about how teaching and prepping was going to go after the holidays. Zoey is napping well for me and I'm getting a lot of work done and class is going great! My sister is coming over after she finishes work to watch her until Henry can get home which is awesome! So I feel like things are going well that way. I'm definitely tired at the end of the day and I'm always very much looking forward to the weekend. The Christmas holiday was fantastic and it was a holiday that for once when it ended it wasn't with grief it was with a feeling of, "Wow, what a great holiday!". We got a lot of things done and just enjoyed hanging out and Henry really enjoyed spending time with Zoey. It was lovely :)

Finally we are looking into some allergy issues with Zoey. Shes had a consistent runny nose for months and she also has the tell tale signs of red rimmed eyes and dry scabs behind the ears. I'm taking her this week to talk to the doctor and start talking about a plan. We've been using the humidifier, saline drops, Tide Free, no smoking, cleaned carpets, etc. So we will figure this one out :)

Sooooo Far Behind!

2010-12-20T07:10:00.000-08:00

I am very sorry it has been forever since I have posted anything! I realized this past week that the last post says, "7 Months!" and well, Zoey is almost 9 months old now! A lot can happen in the short amount of time.

The teething has finally taken a break. The poor girl was teething for almost 2 months straight. In that time 7 teeth popped through! It was a painful time for her, but she handled it like a champ. Since the teething has stopped she is really starting to take better to the cereal. I think it also helps that we are being diligent about feeding times with it. Before it was a little scattered when we would attempt it, but now, Lunch and Supper start with a little bit of cereal. She's doing really well. She has her 9 month check this week so I will be asking what other foods to introduce. We are excited about seeing what sorts of things she will like.

Zoey has also started crawling! Time to get my running shoes on :) She doesn't get very far yet, but she is definitely mobile. It's crazy to see how these things happen. I've been working in Early Learning for years now and it never ceases to amaze me how these little bodies just know how to progress. It's even more amazing to see in your own child! We are starting to work on BabyProofing the house. The gates with go up, moving furniture, covering outlets.....so much that needs to get done! Christmas holidays are definitely going to be full in the Duiker home.

Last night we also had our first night out with Zoey staying with a babysitter. Auntie Bailey came to watch Zoey at our house while we went to an Elders Christmas Supper. It was great! I was obviously a little sad about leaving her but I knew she was totally fine. She hasn't been going to bed any earlier than 9:30 lately so we had time to be with some good people from the church. It's nice to know that she is fine if we are out for a few hours. So we are hoping to ease into that a little more here and there :)

We are very excited about Zoey's first Christmas! Christmas is my favorite holiday of them all! It's just fantastic and makes me very happy. We can't wait to see her open some of her gifts. We know she is going to be VERY spoiled this year :) But I think it is more for all of us rather than her, since she would usually prefer the box or paper it was wrapped in!

I will update you all after the holidays, fingers crossed :)

Wishing you all the very best and a Blessed and Merry Christmas!

7 Months!

2010-11-15T07:47:00.000-08:00

Such a sweetie pie :) A lot had happened since the last post! Zoey is not 7 months old and working her way quickly to 8 months! I know it's cliched but they do grow up so so fast! I am soaking up all the time I can with her and enjoying the cuddles and quiet time along with the sweet moments of her exploration. I adore watching her focus so intently on something new in her hands. Her little mind is taking in all the new sensory information and her tiny hands try to control it and examine the objects.

I've been talking to Henry about the fear and joy that comes with realizing you are responsible not only for this baby to keep her safe, healthy and loved, but you are responsible for turning a little baby into a good child, a well adjusted adult. Some days I feel dangerously under qualified! But in talking to other parents I think that comes with the job. On the flip side, how could a child as sweet as she is be anything less than a sweet and wonderful grown up. I just keep praying that we raise her the way God wants us too.

In the past week or two I've been struggling to get on the treadmill or outside for walks. It was eating away at my self esteem. While I know that in the broad scope of things I've done okay post pregnancy, however, its those pesky final 10 pounds that make your jeans not fit and everything you wore before pregnancy look ill shaped. The fact that my boobs are obnoxiously large from breastfeeding sure doesn't help things either. So I've come to the place where I realized I don't get to complain about my body if I'm not doing anything about it. So once I realized that trying to run during the day or at night really doesn't work for me I am now getting my runs in the morning. Sometimes she sleeps till 8 which works great for me, or I'll try and get up at 6 which does happen, or after Henry goes to work I'll bring her down and put her in the jumper (which is now downstairs) and she'll play for the 20 - 30 minutes that I need (start slow :). So far it's been great. Those few minutes I take for me and it starts my day off right. I am being proactive and it's helping me mind and body. And in return Zoey gets a mommy who is more well adjusted and present and Henry gets a wife who is less cranky and has more energy (going to bed at 8:30 is embarrassing!).

Zoey is eating more cereal and we are working hard with her on that one. I hit a point the other day where I thought, 'I am going to be nursing her forever!'. The reality is (after some research and levelheadedness) she won't be nursing forever, it may be a tough transition (for both of us) when the time comes. I have committed mentally to a year of nursing but we are all hoping that in a few months she might be doing half cereal/solid and half nursing soonish. The teeth that have come in have surprisingly not complicated things...so far! There is a top tooth that is causing a little bit of grief lately and I think it's fixing to come through hopefully soon. This teething thing is awful! The fact that they go up and down this much is sad! Babies go through a lot that way.

That's all for now :) Time to get some work done!

God Bless

Six Months and Back to Work I Go!

2010-10-05T10:04:00.000-07:00

My baby girl is 6 months old and I cannot believe it! She is growing so much everyday and her personality continues to develop and we love it! This is a really fun age for us. She plays more and interacts in brand new ways.

So new things that she is doing! She is sitting up all on her own now! I still prop some pillows up against the hard items around her (just in case she tips over which does happen). We are letting her tip over since we want her to know that she is okay if she does tip over but we are always right there for her and nothing too hard around her. Common sense stuff :)

Also she has been able to roll over from back to tummy very well for a little while now, but has been pretty resistant to rolling back from tummy to back. However, in the past few weeks she is learning that she can do that. She will pull herself by tugging on blankets or mummy and daddy. She can also do it purely through leverage. Very exciting.

The past few days she has been tilting her head when she looks at people which is unbelievably hilarious and adorable. As well, we finally found some rice cereal that she likes but apparently she only wants daddy to feed it to her :) She is very smitten with daddy! When she hears that door open she gets very excited and has a huge grin just for him.

Little girl is awake now, but I will mention that October 12th I will be returning to work. I work from home so I am very fortunate to still be with her during the day but it will be a challenge to figure out how to get my work done during the day and still make sure she feels engaged, loved, and happy :) I have my work cut out for me but we will figure it out!

Zoey Loves to Jump!

2010-09-02T15:53:00.000-07:00

The Long Weekend is Over....

2010-08-30T10:07:00.000-07:00

We had a lovely and quiet long weekend. Sometimes it is nice to have a weekend with no plans and the time to just relax a bit. It was so nice to have Henry home for the extra day as well! He loves being home with us and getting that extra time with Zoey and man does she love spending time with her daddy!

On Saturday we were thinking about going to the Farmer's Market but opted instead to take a walk around the neighborhood and explore the area around the new school they finished across the way. It has a public school attached as well so we wanted to know what that was like as well. I think Zoey and I might make a trip over there today and see about getting a library card and check schedules for activities for wee ones :) We also found they have a gorgeous park beside the school that should be opening sometime soon. We think they are just waiting for the grass to fully take root before allowing people to trample all over it. So we are looking forward to that opening up! I'm finding that we all do a lot better during our day if we get out for a nice walk. I take Zoey in the sling (a little extra exercise) and tie Zeppelins leash around my waist. It's good for him to know he has to stay right beside me and I also always have both hands for Zoey.

Zoey has been doing great sleep wise as well. We think she has been teething or starting another growth spurt....again :) Which would account for the extra feedings in the night but overall we couldn't be happier. We don't have to take her out of her crib once we put her down initially to 'top her off' lately. She's been quite content with us going in and rubbing her tummy or putting her fish tank on (it plays music and has lights). It's nice to feel like you're doing the right thing for her. There are so many opinions and theories on sleep techniques and people tend to get very passionate about their own method. For us, she would go into her crib after she fell asleep while eating, which for some is a big no no. But when we would try to wake her before we put her down she would get frustrated or no wake up at all. So we realized she goes to sleep and stays asleep when we put her down, why mess with that. We worried that we would pay for it later and have her not be able to go to sleep in her crib at night with out being fed or falling asleep first, but the past few weeks have shown us she is well adjusted, and she knows the routine. If she wakes up after we put her down she just needs a little comforting and she is out like a light. Therefore, we have come to the conclusion that we did what worked for Zoey. This may very well change for any other children we have, but we are comfortable and happy with the choices we made for her ;)

Teething, Walks, and Lunch with Daddy!

2010-08-25T09:35:00.000-07:00

It's been a little while since I've actually updated everyone so while the little one sleeps I figure now is as good a time as any :)

Things have been going well. How can I complain? Zoey is an amazing little girl and we revel in watching her grown and change every day! She has so much personality that is coming through. She is a sweetheart with an amazing sense of humor already. Her laugh sets my heart on fire. The other day she was sitting beside me on the couch and she just started laughing at me. It was hilarious (until I started wondering was so funny) Needless to say, Henry was beside himself laughing while she giggled away. Henry was playing with her last night and she has figured out when Daddy is going to tickle her and she squeals and laughs before he even touches her. The mornings are the best time to catch her laughing and smiling. This morning while Henry and I had coffee we just sat and watched her bounce and chew on her toys and look up and beam at us. It was like she gets so overwhelmed with how happy she is that it seeps out of her pores and shines on her face. She is also really starting to notice Zeppelin. The two of them usually could care less about each other but lately if he is close to her she'll reach out and try to touch his face. He likes to like her hands and feet. We have to watch him sometimes because she'll boot him in the face and he thinks its play time. Not that he would hurt her but it's important to keep an eye on the situation ;)

We are pretty sure she is teething a little again. Poor babes. We are wondering if its the cause of her waking up a little earlier at night time. Not too sure but the bum rash and fussiness seems to be a good indicator of it. We have the infant tylenol for when it gets really bad, but we are trying to not rely on that too heavily. But when she's in pain and there is nothing we can do, we both agree there is no benefit to withholding that from her. Even just a quarter dose seems to take enough of the edge off for her.

Today we are going to pack up and go have lunch with daddy. We'll bring the bumbo and have a mini picnic in the back of the Rav. I'm looking forward to it! I started thinking, I have the opportunity to do that kind of stuff right now, why wouldn't I? Plus I know that for Henry and most dads it's hard when you don't get to spend that much time with your children. Plus I like to get out and see him as well :)

So I better pack us up and get going!

Until next time!

Fooooood!

2010-08-18T18:40:00.000-07:00

Zoey's First Trip to the Zoo

2010-08-09T08:28:00.000-07:00

On Saturday we went to the Calgary Zoo! We had a great time! Zoey traveled well, even though right now I think that two hours is her max. She did really well the entire day. A trip to the Zoo at this point is clearly for the parents more than anything since she slept through most of it, but we were so glad we could share it with her. The last time we were there Henry and I were still dating and I remember we talked a lot about what it would be like to bring our children there. We are very much looking forward to taking her next year for Father's Day, hopefully by then she might find a little more enjoyment in it and we will be way more exhausted at the end of the day!

After seeing all there was to see at the Zoo we went to Peter's Drive In for Zoey's first visit and mine as well. A yummy special treat to end the day! Zoey enjoyed the shakes as well, as you can see in the video :)

A fantastic day!

Waking Up After a Nap in the Carseat

2010-07-23T07:14:00.000-07:00

Two Peas in A Pod

2010-07-22T19:26:00.000-07:00

I stumbled across what I would deem a very important article for all women and even men to read. Gwyneth Paltrow runs a website called GOOP and she releases a newsletter each month (give or take). This month discussed the issue of Postpartum Depression. She included a letter written by Bryce Dallas Howard who recounts her own experience. She writes with honesty, eloquence, and hope. Since reading this letter this morning I haven't been able to stop thinking about what she had to say. While my experience was no were near as painful or traumatic, I can say now that I did experience the very normal baby blues in the first week or so. I have struggled with feelings of guilt but am coming to terms with the fact that having a difficult time in the first days home with my beautiful daughter, in no way means that I loved her any less.

So I am sharing with you this beautiful article in hopes of further expanding the conversation for women on this issue.

"I recently saw an interview I did on TV while promoting a film. In it, I was asked about my experience with post-partum depression and as I watched, I cringed. I said things like “It was a nightmare,” or “I felt like I was in a black hole.” But I couldn’t even begin to express my true feelings. On screen, I had seemed so together, so okay, as if I had everything under control. As I watched, it dawned on me. If I had been able to truthfully convey my ordeal with post-partum depression under the glare of those lights, I most likely would have said no words at all. I simply would have stared at the interviewer with an expression of deep, deep loss.

I found out I was pregnant seven days after my wedding. I was on honeymoon with my family. It’s a long story – but yes, I shared my honeymoon with my entire family. I have a heroic husband! After taking the pregnancy test, I held the paper strip while waiting for the telltale sign to appear and thought, “I have to be pregnant! I will not be okay if I am not pregnant.” It was an odd thought since I was 25, and my husband and I had no intention of starting a family until we were in our 30s, but as the slender strip turned blue, I leapt into the air with joy.

I loved being pregnant. Yes, I threw up every day for six months, and yes, the stretch marks were (and still are) obscene. But I treasured every moment I had with this new life growing inside me. My husband and I moved from our one-bedroom apartment into a “family” home we could barely afford. We watched the Dog Whisperer in order to acclimate our terrier for the baby-on-the-way. We peppered family and friends with endless questions about child rearing. I threw up, gained weight, and threw up some more, and tipping the scale at over 200 pounds; I entered the final month with nothing but confidence and blissful anticipation.

We had enthusiastically planned for a natural home birth. And, to be honest, I am glad we did. Natural labor was painful, but because I was home, my husband and parents were by my side every step of the way, and even when complications arose causing me to have to go to the hospital, my son was born with no medical interference.

Mostly I recall the moment someone handed my son to me, and I heard shouts of joy, and my father crying, “Bryce, you’re an incredible mother!” And then...

Nothing. I felt nothing.

Memories of the following events are hazy. I remember that I suddenly stopped feeling pain, despite having been stitched without anesthesia. I handed my son to my husband who cradled him and whispered in his ear, “Welcome to the world. Here, anything is possible.” Even as I write this, I’m moved to recall the gentleness of my 25-year old husband holding this new human being, his son, for the first time – and saying over and over, “anything is possible.” He still says these words every night before our son drifts off to sleep.

And yet, in those moments after giving birth, I felt nothing. Someone encouraged me to sit up, and slowly, one by one, friends and family visited. Some were crying, others bursting with joy. Glassy-eyed, I politely listened to their impressions of our new son. I had no impression of my own.

Forty minutes after giving birth, I opted to return home. Walking was challenging and painful, especially because I stubbornly tossed the Motrin IB the doctor urged me to take for fear it would hinder my ability to be present with my son.

For me, breast-feeding was even more painful than giving birth. And despite a lactation consultant offering help, I felt incompetent. I refused to give up, forcing myself to do everything possible so that my son would consume only my breast milk with no supplementation. I forged on, barely sleeping, always either breast feeding or pumping and never getting the hang of it. Occasionally I drifted off for a few minutes, but that decision to “feed at all costs” left me no room for recovery, no space to explore my feelings, no time to rest.

Five days after our son was born, my husband had to leave for a film shoot, so my mom and best girlfriend rotated sleeping in the bed beside “Theo” and myself, whom at that point I mysteriously referred to as “it,” even though we had named him. I should have taken that as a sign.

I distinctly remember the first night I was alone. It was less than a week after the birth, and I still refused to take even Aleve for fear of how it might affect my milk. Theo woke up next to me, and I knew I needed to begin breast-feeding. Because of the stitches, moving even an inch sent daggers of pain tearing through my body. I tried to sit, but finally gave up and lay still as my tiny son cried. I thought, “I’m going to die here, lying next to my newborn son. I am literally going to die tonight.”

It was not the last time I felt that way.

It is strange for me to recall what I was like at that time. I seemed to be suffering emotional amnesia. I couldn’t genuinely cry, or laugh, or be moved by anything. For the sake of those around me, including my son, I pretended, but when I began showering again in the second week, I let loose in the privacy of the bathroom, water flowing over me as I heaved uncontrollable sobs.

When I visited the midwife for a checkup, she gave me a questionnaire, rating things on a scale from 1-5 so that she could get a sense of my emotional state. I gave myself a perfect score. Despite my daily “shower breakdowns” months passed before I even began to acknowledge my true feelings.

Before Theo was born, I had been in good humor about my 80-pound weight gain, but I was now mortified by it. I felt I was failing at breast-feeding. My house was a mess. I believed I was a terrible dog owner. I was certain I was an awful actress; I dreaded a film I was scheduled to shoot only a few weeks after the birth because I could barely focus enough to read the script. And worst of all, I definitely felt I was a rotten mother--not a bad one, a rotten one. Because the truth was, every time I looked at my son, I wanted to disappear.

Although perceptive, intuitive, and sensitive individuals surrounded me, my numb performance of “delighted new mom” seemed to fool everyone. It wasn’t until my “shower breakdowns” began to manifest out in the open that people began to worry.

One afternoon my best friend found me sobbing on the floor of my bedroom with Theo sleeping in a bassinet beside me. It was late afternoon, and I hadn’t yet eaten because I was too overwhelmed to figure out how to walk downstairs to eat. “Bryce,” my friend said, looking confused, “if you need help preparing food, just ask me.”

“How can I take care of my son if I can’t take care of myself?” I sobbed.

My husband began shooting a television series, and late evenings when he returned home, I would meet him at the door, shaking with fury, “I’ve hit the wall and gone through it, and I feel I am expected to go further.”

He would ask what he could do to help, but knowing there was nothing he could do, I screamed expletives at him, behavior he had never experienced in the seven years we had been together.

Distraught and concerned, he told me he would figure everything out, tried to assure me I didn’t need to worry. He created a plan, and with the support of my husband, my friends and my family, I returned to my midwife. I finally understood I needed to answer her questions honestly, and when I did, she suggested a homeopathic treatment plan, reconnected me with my doctor who oversaw my care, and sent me to a therapist who diagnosed me with severe post-partum depression.

Although challenges lay ahead, little by little I got better. As it happened, the independent film I shot chronicled a woman falling deeper and deeper into her own insane delusions. The experience was serendipitous, just the material I needed to work on to help me to reconnect to my true feelings. Also, because I was working twelve to eighteen hours per day and shooting mostly at night, I had to rely on those around me to help care for Theo. In those weeks, a critical shift occurred.

A friend invited me to a “pow-wow” of mothers (in a tepee nonetheless); there we talked about the trials and tribulations of motherhood. The woman next to me coined the phrase “post partum denial,” and hearing her story helped me to understand my own. When I shared, somewhat disconnectedly and inarticulately some of my own disappointments, my feeling of not measuring up to what Theo deserved in a mother, one woman responded, “It takes a long time for them to grow up. You’ll have time to discover the kind of mother you are.” Another woman suggested I read Brooke Shields “Down Came the Rain.” Her book was a revelation.

Then one day I was sitting in my home with my best friend and my sister, and out of nowhere I got this sudden feeling of summer. When I told them they looked at me curiously and chuckled a little. I searched for a better way to describe my feelings, “I dunno, I just got this feeling… like everything is going to be okay.”

My depression was lifting. Later that day, I saw one of my closest friends; the person who had performed our wedding ceremony and had also videotaped Theo’s birth. He looked at me and without skipping a beat he said, “My friend is back.” I smiled. “It’s like you’ve been abducted by ‘The Borg’ for a year and a half, and now you’re back.”

The Borg is an alien species in Star Trek that takes over the mind and spirit of the individual it invades. Victims were depicted as emotionless robots, completely unaware of their own demise. When my friend said that, I howled with laughter--something I hadn’t done since before Theo’s birth. It was the kind of laughter that bubbles up at the recognition of something deeply true.

Post-partum depression is hard to describe—the way the body and mind and spirit fracture and crumble in the wake of what most believe should be a celebratory time. I cringed when I watched my interview on television because of my inability to share authentically what I was going through, what so many women go through. I fear more often than not, for this reason alone, we choose silence. And the danger of being silent means only that others will suffer in silence and may never be able to feel whole because of it.

Do I wish I had never endured post-partum depression? Absolutely. But to deny the experience is to deny who I am. I still mourn the loss of what could have been, but I also feel deep gratitude for those who stood by me, for the lesson that we must never be afraid to ask for help, and for the feeling of summer that still remains.

P.S. - As I write this, my little boy, now 3 and a half, is sleeping upstairs. Tonight as I put him to bed, he looked me straight in the eye and said, “Theo and Mama are two little peas in a pod!” I have no idea where he learned that phrase, but as I sat there giggling with him the miracle of the statement was not lost on me. It’s true. In the face of everything, Theo and I are two little peas in a pod."

You can find the full article on GOOP here

Zoey Monster

2010-07-21T12:37:00.000-07:00

Quick Update

2010-07-20T08:10:00.001-07:00

Well it's been a little while and I figure now is a good time to update this blog. If you are reading this, it means you have been added to the reader list :) Congrats and welcome! After a lot of back and forth and discussion and thought, I have decided that I want to keep this blog private for the time being. I have been getting random comments from people I do not know and sometimes do not understand. It makes me think that as sad as it is, you just never know and with the internet being so accessable, do I really want our lives with Zoey to be that open? So I've tightened the security on my facebook and the blog. Maybe I'm being neurotic, but it can't hurt right?

Zoey is doing great. She seems to be finishing up her latest growth spurt which means she is again sleeping better and overall happier. The poor thing seems to feel really uncomfortable when that is happening, plus we have a sneaking suspicion that she maybe be teething a little off and on. It's a lot for at little girl to handle, plus adding in the heat from last week and it was a little tough. However, we managed to get through it and she is doing beautifully!

I have been working on getting myself back into the shape I am comfortable with. Definitely getting there but man it's a lot of work. Somedays, like today, you are so tired and really struggle feeling motivated. But I just remind myself I never regret working out and I always feel a lot better after I do. So I've been jumping around between various methods and I think I have landed on something to keep me focused for now. A two week circuit program. It means I need to stay focused and when I do the exercises I need to push hard. I tried it yesterday for the first time and really enjoyed it, so we shall see :) It's good to work on me and feel good for myself but also for my family. I'm at my best when I feel good.

Three Months Old!

2010-07-05T07:19:00.000-07:00

Zoey is officially 3 months old and change :) It's been amazing seeing the changes even over the past couple weeks.

Her 3 month check went really well. For the first time she didn't scream at the doctor and even had some smiles for him. It was great and nice to be able to say "See! She's so cute when she's not bellowing in your face!". We were so happy to hear a good overall report as well. She's right on track with her growth and development. She weighed 12 pounds and 5 ounces and is a whopping 24 and a 1/2 inches long! As far as weight goes she is right in the average, but for length, just as we suspected, she is way above the average. She is fitting into some 6 month clothing now just because she is so long! Our little skinnie minnie!

Sleep wise she has been doing great! For the past month she seems to only wake up once for a feeding and then last night a miracle! Something that we were not sure would ever happen again! We slept all night! At 6:30am this morning I went down to get her out of bed because mommy NEEDED to feed her. She was just hanging out in there awake but not fussing. Unbelievable! Sleeping like a big girl. We couldn't be more proud.

She's also starting to giggle here and there. Something has to be really funny to elicit that beautiful sound but it's amazing seeing those reactions beginning to show up. I am also equally thrilled to see Henry make her giggle. That quality daddy daughter time is so so important and sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the craziness and forget to slow down and hand her to Henry and say "Have you held her today?". I'm so amazingly proud of Henry and how hard he works for our family, but I know that we both wish he was able to have even more time with her. She sure loves her daddy. This weekend was good for them as far as quality time goes. We spent Saturday together relaxing and playing with her and then enjoyed a really nice bedtime routine. A very nice weekend indeed.

Finally, my cousin had a gorgeous baby girl last night! It's so special that we have little girls of the same age and to top it off they share the same middle name! Very cool. Hopefully they will be able to spend sometime together over the years and have a special relationship like the one my cousin and I share. I think that would be amazing :)

Zoey taking in some World Cup Soccer!

12 Weeks Old

2010-06-21T07:11:00.000-07:00

Well Zoey is 12 weeks old today which is in some circles 3 months old. However, I will wait until the 29th to officially start saying she is 3 months. It's a big milestone I think. Once they hit that 3 month mark they aren't really newborns anymore. They move into a new clothing category, a new size in diapers are just around the corner, and she is big enough to sit in a Bumbo! Yes we finally have the Bumbo. Her neck strength is great and she loves to sit a look around. It's been amazing seeing her get stronger everyday and watching her develop. Auntie Dawn loves seeing how she recognizes mom and dads voices and smiles when she sees us. I think its fantastic too. There is a deep joy that comes from knowing your child knows you and is comforted by you. I feel badly when she cries when some else is holding her but secretly I love that when I take her or Henry takes her she'll nussle in to us and breaths a sigh of content. My sweet girl has the most heartbreaking and sweet pout. It's a frown that takes over her entire face. Her tears roll down her face and it breaks your heart. On Friday she desperately needed a nap so we put in her crib to sleep and figured she needed to cry it out. Well she wasn't having any of that and after a half an hour Daddy went in to try and soothe her only to come back out of the nursery holding as she clung to his neck, cheeks wet with tears, and taking those quick deep breaths that come after a good cry.

Yesterday was Henry's first Father's Day and we spent it together as a family as well as with his dad and family. It was a good day. It's so important to me to make sure Henry always knows how amazing he is as a daddy and that Zoey knows how lucky and blessed she is to have such an amazing daddy. But something tells me she already knows :)

My Sweet JellyBean

2010-06-10T09:55:00.000-07:00

My word, Zoey takes my breath away. She is so beautiful. I know it sounds cliche, but I fall in love with her a little more everyday. I look and her and I am still shocked she is here. How on earth did we make a baby, especially one so amazing?

She is 10 weeks old and growing like a weed as they say :) She holds her head up so well now that I think we need to go ahead and get her a Bumbo seat. She wants to be sitting up all the time now. Even in her car seat she will be trying to lean forward. It's too funny. We will put her on our laps and hold her hands while she pulls herself into a sitting position. Once she is there she grins and grins and looks all around. She can see a lot better which we know as she can spot Henry or myself from across the room. That goofy little grin is heart stopping. She has also started to find her voice. It's fantastic. She squeals and coos all the time now. I will actually call Henry at work to get him to listen to her. He'll talk back and she'll light up and coo right back.

She is slowly starting to get used to sleeping in her crib during the daytime which is really nice. It's a little bizarre as she sleeps like a dream at night in her crib. Has from the beginning. You can put her back to bed in the middle of the night, wide awake, and she will go right to sleep. So we are working on having consistent nap times in her crib. This week she has had a couple good naps, and a couple less good ones, but I feel like we are getting there! I'm finding it more successful after we go for a walk. I think it wears her out a little more.

We are also reading a lot more to her. We will prop her up on our lap facing the book and she stares at the pictures and kicks and coos. We are branching out a little more from the Dr. Seuss (even though she still LOVES him). We have some early readers, Little Critters, and Robert Munsch. It's awesome bonding time for all of us, plus I love the idea of raise a reader. I am so excited to share all the books I have grown to love over the years.

I've also be continuing to reflect back on the first week with Zoey. It was probably one of the hardest weeks I've ever been through for a number of reasons. We were so sleep deprived as we were in the hospital for two days and I slept about an hour the entire time we were there. She took to breastfeeding really well but it was incredibly painful for the first week with engorgement, cracks and blisters, and mastitis. It was also hard since she was feeding for over an hour at a time and then would need to eat about a half an hour after finishing. It's shocking to a first time mom how much and how often a baby needs to eat. It's completely exhausting. I told Henry that I one hundred percent understood why moms choose to bottle feed. Your body does not feel like your own for those first few days. I was in a lot of pain and discomfort, tired, my tummy was squishy and unrecognizable with the few stretch marks that showed up in the last two weeks of pregnancy. I feel like I've been reflecting as I realize how far we have come in the last 10 weeks. I've also been battling a looming sense of guilt about the struggles of the first weeks. I think it comes from the expectations women especially place on themselves. I had friends speak to me honestly about how normal these experiences really are so I know that I am not alone and I have been so grateful for that. It really is one of the major things that keeps me from being too hard on myself. But I do know that no matter how hard it was, I have loved her unconditionally from the moment I looked at those two pink lines nearly a year ago. No matter the struggles in the beginning we have come out the other end intact and thriving, and that is what truly matters.

Round One

2010-05-31T15:25:00.001-07:00

It's been an eventful couple days! Zoey has gained some new skills and had a bit of trauma to deal with.

On Saturday as part of an anniversary gift from Henry, I went to get my hair done. It was so wonderful to get a chance to freshen up. Something as simple as highlights can mean a lot to a new mom. It was quite the adventure as well as Zoey had a lot of trouble taking a bottle so leaving for over two hours meant Henry quite possibly faced a very unhappy and hungry little girl. However, when I got home I was shocked to see Zoey sleeping on Henry's chest. He smiled and said, "She just finished her bottle". We were over the moon! Her ability to take a bottle means so much to us. It means traveling is a little more plausible, it means we don't have to run out of church the second the say Amen, it means that we can go out for a meal and have a babysitter. I was worried it was just a fluke, but she took another one that evening and has continued to do so for the last few days. We are so excited!

The other adventure we have involved her first round of vaccinations. I was nervous but while Henry offered to come with me, I decided I would be strong for Zoey. It was incredibly tough for me. She had the three needles and by the third she had enough. She looked so horrified that I was letting that happen to her. I broke my heart. I managed to hold it together but I'm not going to lie, it wasn't easy. She's been a little cranky since but other than a little fussiness and a need to be cuddled, she's done really well. I'm not looking forward to the next round but we will deal with that one when we get to it.

I've been really frustrated with what I'd call a witch hunt for women who bottle-feed their babies. I was feeding Zoey a bottle in the waiting room after her shots and I was shocked by the number of dirty looks I got from people walking by. It was breast milk so people had no need to worry, but honestly, what if it was formula. Some people seem to act like formula fed babies are being fed poison! I have so many friends who for various reasons were unable to breastfeed, and honestly, if it's not what a mom is able to do, no one has the right to judge that.

Motherhood is amazing and every day I find more things that I love about my daughter. If I've had a rough day or a stressful moment, she smiles at me and I melt. I see Henry holding her and knowing that this little girl has him wrapped around her tiny finger. Even the nights where I can barely keep my eyes open I am amazed by her. She is precious and we love her so completely and unconditionally.

Zoey and Daddy

2010-05-25T07:03:00.000-07:00

Just thought I would post a video of Zoey smiling at Henry. Sorry about the noise in the background. We were watching a movie and she started so I grabbed the camera and didn't think to turn it off!

Enjoy :)

8 Weeks Old

2010-05-24T12:57:00.001-07:00

I can't believe how fast time has gone by! It's funny how fast it does seem to go by, especially considering when your in the thick of it, you feel like you'll never sleep again. As our pastor so eloquently put it, it feels like your at the bottom of a well and you'll never see the light of day again. But as everyday goes by and weeks go by you start to see glimmers of light again. That's been our experience. Having a baby is tough, it's the hardest thing we've ever done, but it gets a little easier each day for us. It also helps that she is so worth the effort and sleepless nights.

As far as sleep goes we are finally moving from the 2 - 2 1/2 hours between night feedings and she is starting to sleep for 4 - 5 hours at a time. It's amazing. The first night she did that Henry went to get her, I started feeding and then we looked at each other and looked at the clock and looked at each other again. We were in shock and it sure felt good to sleep that long again!

One thing that Henry and I both have been experiencing (less so as time goes on) are these moments of almost night terrors. One of us (usually me) will bolt up in bed and start looking for Zoey. I will have completely forgotten that she is safe and sound in her crib and I'll think I've fallen asleep while holding her and she's fallen off the bed or some horrific thing. Just awful. Like I said, it's happening less and less. I think this is just part of being a parent, she has been placed in our care and we both take that role incredibly seriously.

Something that has been amazing is her smiles. She is at that stage where she is flashing her gummy smile all the time. It is the most amazing thing. I know a lot of it is her mimicking us when we smile at her, but honestly it is the most precious thing no matter the reason. A good friend of ours got a chance to see her in full grin mode and just laughed. "Henry you're screwed" he said. He's right, Henry is already fully wrapped around her little finger. He is loving reading to her and interacting with her more. It's incredibly precious.

Zoey is such a sweet little girl and we cannot wait to see what else she has in store for us. I'm sure it's going to be quite the ride in the Duiker household!

Falling In Love

2010-05-20T07:12:00.000-07:00

Who couldn't fall in love with that face! We have been trying very hard to capture one of her mega watt smiles in the past few weeks but this is the only picture we have so far. Since this picture was taken a few weeks ago, her smile has matured and comes a lot more often. Yesterday while changing her diaper she grinned so big her gums were showing. It was so unbelievably cute. I starting calling out for Henry, "Hurry! Bring your phone!" He ran in held up the phone and she immediately stopped. I think what is happening is she is looking at the camera and is distracted. Soon we will get one :)

Things have been going well. She is a happy little girl and her colic is definitely disappearing. However, that in no way means she doesn't get fussy. She is an infant and infants get fussy, overtired, and hungry. We are struggling to get her to take a bottle. She took one once when she was two weeks old out of necessity. My milk supply dried up one night and by the time we figured out what was going on the poor thing was so hungry she finally gave in. Now she is 7 weeks old and hates taking a bottle. We've tried different bottles, breastmilk and formula, and having Henry try feeding her. No luck so far. It's heartbreaking. Henry has tried for over an hour at a time and the poor thing just cries the entire time. We would love her to be able to eat with a bottle to allow us to get out together and to give Henry an opportunity to feed her as well and develop that bond more.

We are looking forward to the long weekend! We've realized that we've been a little disconnected from each other with life getting in the way. It's really easy to get so busy and distracted, surprisingly easy. So we are excited to take some time this weekend getting outside and reconnecting as a family.

Vaccinations are coming up :S I'll have to post that adventure when that happens!

Little Girl Growing Up

2010-05-10T07:16:00.000-07:00

Zoey Faith is 6 weeks old today. It's unbelievable how fast the time goes by. I was looking at the pictures from when she was born and I am in awe of how quickly she has grown already. She is still my tiny precious little girl but can see the growth already.

She gets stronger by the day. This weekend we really noticed it. She hates tummy time but when we lay her on our stomachs or chests she will stretch and hold her head right up and stare at everything around her. Her eyes get big and wide like she is trying desperately to take the whole world in at once. I realized that almost everything is new to her. Imagine what that is like to be amazed and curious about everything. I think I need to look at life that way. I suppose that is what they mean by a 'child like wonder'.

Her colic seemed to disappear entirely over the weekend which was amazing and a blessing especially for Henry. Her bouts of the colic seemed to land right when he gets home from work so it was great for him to have time with her where she wasn't fussy and screaming. She is very cute when she is not screaming, but I have found her to be precious no matter her mood. It mostly just breaks my heart to see the tears rolling down her face and feeling like I can't fix it. I think that is something to get used to, I imagine it only gets worse as she gets older.

It seems that when the colic goes away, the sleep gets less at night. Or at least that seemed to be the case this weekend. Last night she went from 3 hour intervals to 1 hour intervals. Needless to say we are very tired but I am feeling surprisingly okay. Her sleep patterns are going to jump around probably for the next year. Just need to get used to that!

Yesterday was my first mother's day and I felt very blessed and special. What a privilege to share this day with so many amazing moms!

Baby girl is hungry now :) So it is time to sign off!

A Beautiful Girl

2010-04-23T12:01:00.000-07:00

Baby girl is sleeping in her swing so I thought I would take a minute to update the blog!

Today we are all feeling pretty good after a good night last night. Zoey slept for three hour intervals again which feels amazing. You never really think that you'll be at a place were three hours of sleep equals a victory! A good night like that combined with her new swing, which is awesome by the way, has meant we have had a nice relaxing morning. Here's hoping we can carry that through into the afternoon. Yesterday was a little challenging. She had a great morning, we went to see Henry for lunch at the shop and she slept the whole way there and back. However, once we got home she screamed until about 5pm. So needless to say my head was pounding and my heart was breaking because I was at a loss as to what the problem was. I finally clued in that it was her stomach and that she was likely gassy, I gave her a dose of Oval and she finally had a really good burp and fell asleep within about a half an hour. Not sure why I didn't try that sooner but being a mom has a bit of a learning curve :) So last night we carried on with our night time routine of a warm bath, a massage for her with the lotion, feeding, and bedtime. She is really starting to love bathtime, as long as the water is warm enough. She's like her mom that way, needs to be warm :)

It's playoff time and Henry and I are really enjoying watching the games in the evenings. Even though the Oilers just barely missed out (hahahaha) at least we have the first round draft pick and hopefully make a smart choice and pick up Taylor Hall. We've been watching pretty much all of the games, with a special interest in the Vancouver series. I think we are hard-wiring Zoey to love hockey already :) Poor girl doesn't have a chance!

We are working really hard on making sure we still get the quality time together. I honestly didn't think this would be a struggle at all but when the time we do have together is focused on Zoey and her needs it's really easy to forget what we need together. Small things like mentally making the choice to sit together on the same couch, or taking the few minutes while she is sleeping to connect. I'm working toward feeling okay with leaving her with a babysitter but man that's a lot easier said than done. I won't apologize for feeling like this though, it will take some time to allow this baby that I've carried next to my heart for 9 months to be cared for by some one else. No matter how much I love and trust that person :) It will just take some time. All in good time :)

Adjusting to Life

2010-04-17T09:47:00.000-07:00

Things are going well. I am finally feeling like myself again and am feeling mobile. The first few weeks for me were a painful mix of exhaustion and illness. I ended up getting mastitis and having to go to Emergency on a Thursday night. I had developed a fever of 39.1 and breastfeeding was clearly painful. Poor Zoey was getting the short end of the stick as well since she wasn't really getting as much as she needed or wanted to eat. Once I was on antibiotics for that I started to feel better, but the meds were affecting Zoey and causing her to vomit after some feedings. Not a good feeling seeing your tiny baby girl vomiting like that or looking down while feeding and seeing her mouth fill with spit up. Even though I managed to stay in control, it set my heart a racing a few times.

While the mastitis cleared up, I started having a massive amount of pain when I would sit, which was all the time with feedings. I initially chalked it up to bruising from delivery that I hadn't noticed before. But when it wasn't getting better after three days I had enough and called to make an appointment with my doctor. It was getting to the point that sitting and standing were unbearably painful. It turned out that I had a secondary infection that the first round of meds weren't dealing with. So I was switched to another type of antibiotic to help deal with this new infection. We were excited at the possibility of new medication that would be easier on Zoey's stomach.

So I am finally feeling healthy and comfortable. Even though a great deal of my day is spent sitting and feeding, I am not in pain. I am incredibly grateful for that. Now the lack of sleep, while still difficult at times, is not so profound and crippling. A lot of prayer has gone into the past few weeks and we overjoyed with the blessings that we have received. Zoey is a beautiful and sweet little girl. Everyday we see her grown and develop more and more personality.

It's been a challenging few weeks but we are getting through it together. We also know that as time goes on, things slowly get a little easier. Along the way we are taking in the small joys, like the soft coos she makes now, the big bright smile that she is trying out.

Life is good and we are blessed.

Bringing Zoey Home

2010-04-08T08:56:00.000-07:00

Understandably, Henry and I are exhausted. Bringing Zoey home has been one of the most thrilling, terrifying, draining, and beautiful things. There has definitely been a learning curve to the last week and a half.

We were so eager to get home from the hospital. The nurses were friendly and it was not as if we were being treated poorly. The problem was we were in a shared room and for us, we were desperate for privacy. We were trying to figure things out with breastfeeding, I could barely move in the first 24 hours after, and we were exhausted. It's a tricky thing when you have two brand new babies trying to sleep at the same time. I ended up sending Henry home on the Tuesday for a few hours. I figured at least one of us could manage a shower and a nap. He was able to try and sleep on a pull out thing, but again hard to sleep in a shared room, and when nurses are coming in to check vitals for myself and Zoey every hour or more. I wasn't able to get any sleep while we were there, outside of an hour where Henry ordered me to close my eyes and sleep. I found it very hard to not watch her and continue to check her breathing (typical new mom), eventually she also refused to sleep in the bassinet type thing they had in the room. So we ended up having to hold her to get her to sleep and while I would hold her I was too scared to fall asleep in case I would drop her or something awful. So very little sleep for everyone wore on us. As well, one of the major problems we found was that we never had the ability to have a conversation with each other about how we were doing. Henry and I are very strong and linked together through our communication. We do really well in all situations as long as we have a chance to talk just the two of us about whats going on in our lives. We finally managed a good conversation the morning of our discharge. Once that happened we felt a lot better but were still eager to get home.

Since we have been home we have been trying to hit our stride. She is sleeping about two hours at a time between feedings, sometimes she manages three hours. So we end up with a decent collective number of hours of sleep in the night, but it just isn't the same when it's all chopped up like that. Still we are surprised at how we are managing on the exhaustion end. Henry has been feeling okay at work which was my main concern. However, we are looking forward to getting a little more sleep in the night :) This desire is tempered with our desire for her to stay little like this. She is so sweet and precious and we definitely know this stage only lasts a little while. So we are trying to absorb all of this time that we can and not just wander through like zombies!

Zoey is an incredibly precious and sweet baby and we are completely smitten and in love with her. We are all trying to figure each other out and what life looks like now. It's quite the process. Throw massive hormone fluctuations and lack of sleep and the process becomes that much more interesting. Still, no matter how hard things are that day, or how tough the night was when I look are her and hear her tiny coos it is all worth it. Today after I feed her we just laid on the couch and she slept on my chest, it was so simple, quiet and precious. I treasure those moments. I adore seeing Henry come home and kiss her head and just beam at this beautiful little girl. No one can truly prepare you for how hard it is when you have your first baby, but nobody can truly prepare you for how much this tiny bundle means to you.

Introducing Zoey Faith Duiker!

2010-04-05T10:20:00.001-07:00

We have a new addition to the family! Zoey Faith Duiker was born March 29th at 11:32pm. She weighed 7 pounds 2 ounces and was 20.2 inches long. I apologize for the delay in posting about the birth, but as any new mom knows finding time where you are not attached to baby is a little tricky. Usually when the time arises, it's nap time :) As well, I've been thinking a lot about how on earth do I describe everything that happened and what a whirlwind it has and continues to be! I'll give it my best shot!

Well we went in for our appointment at nearly two weeks overdue on Monday March 29th. We were planning on having an induction date set for the following day. Henry had stay home with me that day as I was having pretty regular contractions and he figured there wasn't much point in going to work to just turn around and come home when I called him. It turns out that while that never happened it was a blessing to have him home with me and enjoy what was our last days just us :)

We got to the doctors office and you know your a little overdue when the staff look at you and say, you're still here?? Good times :) The nurse took my blood pressure mid contraction (something that happened through the entire labor) so I continued to hear comments about my 'elevated' blood pressure. I kept thinking, "um...well ya". My doctor came in and checked me, and said I was about 2 - 3cms dilated, which was a welcome change from the 1cm I had been stuck at for over a week. He looked at us and said, "Well guys I'm on call tonight till 5am. If you want you can head to the hospital and I'll break your water and we'll get things going for you." Henry and I were in a bit of shock, but we decided that we wanted to get things going and now was as good a time as any! He said good, and to meet him at the hospital in an hour. We both had kind of a 'holy crap' moment as we processed what was happening. It also turned out that the exam triggered much stronger contractions by itself. By the time we made it to the hospital I was really starting to feel them. They stuck us in the exam room and monitored her for a little while and then the doctor came in and he broke my water. So this whole process is gross. They broke and I had a ton of fluid drain and I thought that might be the end of it. Not by a long shot. When the tech had said the week before that I had a lot of fluid, he was not kidding! The entire labor was punctuated with me having to say, "um sorry I'm leaking again" I learned really quickly, dignity has no place in labor.

They moved me to the delivery suite and I thought, okay now we can relax and enjoy this process a little. Not the case. I was blindsided with contractions that suddenly were so intense and did not stop. I was desperate for the ability to breath or re group in between the contractions. They made me sick before I could make it into the shower. Again...no dignity :) The shower was definitely pleasant and helped a little but by the time I was at the place with no ability to regroup, its effect was gone. It had only been about two hours and I was overwhelmed with the reality that this would not likely get any better, rather it would get worse. I wasn't sure if I could have energy left to push after everything, especially if this continued much longer. I looked at Henry who was just sick seeing me like that, and I told him I wasn't sure if I could do it. We had talked lots about what we hoped would happen but we never said absolutely not on the epidural front. He had actually told me in the assessment room when they were getting bad that he really needed me to know that it was okay if I needed something at some point.

The nurse came in and started to talk with us about our options, which was really hard to fully process while in the midst of such pain. I finally said, you know what lets go for the epidural. It was good timing as the anesthesiologist was on the floor and was there in ten minutes. When they checked me before hooking me up I had not progressed at all. I was so frustrated. I was in so much pain and my body wasn't doing anything with it! They hooked me up with the ok from the doctor and honestly, I felt so good so fast. Henry said my color came back I was smiling, talking, and joking around. I had a contraction while he was putting the epidural in and he gave a burst of medicine in the middle and I just felt it fade away. Bliss. I admit I was a little scared that I was making the wrong decision at points, that it might slow everything down, but it turns out it was the best possible decision I could have made for myself. In less than an hour I went from 2 - 3cm to 6 - 7cm. The doctor figured that it would help since my body was so tense from the pain and it was preventing progress from occurring. Once I was able to relax, things moved along really fast. So Henry and I were able to relax and watch an episode or two of 'How I Met Your Mother'. I felt so good.

After a short time I told the nurse that I felt a lot of pressure on my bottom. I thought my epidural was wearing off, but it turns out her head was right there and she was ready to go. The nurse check and once she realized she said they would put in a call to the doctor and get me to push for a little while before he got there since it would likely take some time. Well after two pushes she saw her head and I had to stop. Now you wouldn't think so, but holding back from pushing once your body takes over is wicked hard.... for me, harder than the actual pushing. It seemed like it took the doctor an hour to get there but in reality it was only ten minutes or so. He told me to get pushing again and she was delivered in just a few minutes. The next hour is a bit of a blur, but I do remember Henry going over to see her, taking pictures, and us just kind of in awe. Oh that and the stitches...more on that another time :)

So there you have it. Our precious baby girl is finally here and through all the fear, sleeplessness, and chaos we are utterly in love with her and could not be happier!

Final Ultrasound and a Possible End in Sight

2010-03-25T06:31:00.000-07:00

We went for our BioPhysical Profile yesterday. As I mentioned in the last post they wanted to get an idea of her overall health, activity levels, and fluid levels to make sure she was still doing okay in there. The only reason they would be concerned at all is due to the fact that I am currently 41 weeks and that is consider 'OverDue'. My doctor really isn't the type to get jumpy about inducing right away so that's been really nice. We have not felt pressured at all to get her out right away. He just wants to know that's she's healthy and is perfectly comfortable letting the pregnancy continue. However, after speaking with him at the hospital after the test, it does look like we have an end date in sight. We asked when his cut off was for continuing and he said that around 42 he does start to think more seriously about inducing. So after some discussion and realizing that Easter is next weekend already (hokie smokes!) that earlier next week if she doesn't make an appearance on her own is when we are likely going to book. I will see him on Monday and make an appointment for Tuesday is what we have decided. Now, even though this isn't what we hoped would happen, we are comfortable with the choice and have not felt pressured what so ever to go ahead with an induction. We feel comfortable and peaceful with the timing if this is what it comes too. However, we are still definitely okay with her deciding to come on out herself :)
So apparently I have a good deal of fluid still for her to float around in. The tech told us that I might want to sleep with a towel under me just in case because there is going to be a lot of fluid if my water does break. Awesome....pregnancy and labor is so dignified! She does have her head down nice and low and after a fourth check we were told that he would be completely shocked if it wasn't a girl. He showed us on the screen what they look for and based on his explanation, I'm fairly confident as well. Me being so qualified and all :) Overall, out of a possible score of 10, she rated a 10 which is great to hear. She is healthy, and hopefully happy. Although we don't think she liked the monitors they strapped on my belly for the half hour. She kept squirming and wiggling almost as if to say, "Get these things off!". She probably thought that Henry was picking on her again :) Those two....already! Honestly, he is so in love with her already. I know a lot of people are waiting to hold her but Henry has dibs. As far as I am concerned he can hold her for as long and as often as he possibly can. This little girl may not know it yet, but she is so completely loved by her daddy already and he cannot wait to see her and hold her. She is a very very lucky little girl.

So it looks like maybe Tuesday we will get to see her, if not sooner, and thus will bring an end to this journey and we will begin the new one! I'll have to change the name of the blog but rest assured I will have a lot of stories and updates even after the jellybean has made her appearance!

Hanging Out......Waiting For Baby

2010-03-22T15:16:00.000-07:00

Well.... I'm still pregnant :)

We had an appointment yesterday and I was a little discouraged to find out there had been no change since last week. He did say that the fact that I have symptoms is a good thing and the cervix is softening so if we get to the induction point he feel optimistic that it won't be too hard to get things going.

He isn't a huge fan of induction without a good reason. He said induction for your first delivery can be a bit of a gong show. So we are going for a Biophysical Profile tomorrow. They will score her out of 10 and evaluate how she is doing and her fluid levels. From there we will decide what the plan is. We are ultimately hoping that she will come on her own as this would fit with our birth plan and if she is healthy and in no danger than why not let her hang out in there for a little longer. However, if our doctor tells us that the score is lower than he would like and for her safety we need to induce, of course we will set an induction date. So basically, we are just waiting for tomorrow to see what happens.

Patience is something I am still learning and I am still surprised that I am okay with waiting. I am not saying that it isn't hard and that we cannot wait to see her and have that moment with her, but I am feeling okay with waiting.....most of the time :) It's a little harder when you start to get really uncomfortable with the extra weight, the swelling that is now happening, and general muscle pain from pregnancy overall. Still, as I keep saying, it really could be much worse. It's been a healthy pregnancy with a very limit number of the worst symptoms and most importantly she is growing and is healthy.

The sun is peaking out finally through the fog so I think it is time to go for a walk and enjoy the day :)

Overdue and Waiting

2010-03-19T12:08:00.000-07:00

Well we are overdue and that's okay, but we are trying a few of the natural methods that sometimes work to induce or encourage labor. Last Friday I had a massage that worked on loosening the hips. I felt incredible, I have never had a massage before so even though it didn't induce me it sure felt good. I had no idea my hips were so sore!
I've also been drinking Raspberry Leaf Tea in the morning. My mom picked me up some and I ran out of Chai Tea so I'm drinking it. It actually doesn't taste that bad :) It can't hurt anything to try right?
Today I went to get some acupuncture done. My Mother in Law called last night and asked if I wanted an appointment made. We decided it really couldn't hurt to give it a try. So I went this morning and I was really curious to give it a try. It didn't hurt at all and it I found it basically relaxing to hang out. The Physio who did the procedure for me had it done for her in her second pregnancy and within two hours she said she first started feeling significant contractions within two hours. So we are not quite at two hours and there is a ton of movement right now, but I also did just ingest some chocolate :) I have two pins still in my ear that she said to press on every now and again. One is apparently linked to relaxation and the other to my uterus. Not going to get my hopes up, but really there is no reason this couldn't work.

We have a lot of people waiting to meet her so little girl needs to start getting ready to come on out :)

Due Today

2010-03-17T07:04:00.000-07:00

No baby yet but we shall see!

Feeling really kind of irritable and feeling bad for that, but I am enjoying the quiet for now, the little bits of me time I guess you could say. Lots of long walks trying to help things along and hanging out on my exercise ball.

Loads and loads of pressure to be felt good and low and I had my 'Bloody Show' yesterday. Cause I'm sure everyone wanted to know that :) So I am feeling like it could happen anytime now.....still trying to be patient though.

I told Henry and my sister that today I am not answering to phone to answer the question, "Have you had the baby yet?" Too funny. Like I said, I promise as soon as I can let people know, people will know :) We are over the moon excited to share her with friends and family and the beauty of facebook and the internet is we can do that really quickly for people. So keep your eyes peeled for the announcement once I have one :)

Can't wait :)

39 Weeks and Being Patient

2010-03-10T06:44:00.000-08:00

Easier said than done! But I have been surprised by my level of patience in waiting for our little one. This is not something that comes easily to me but I have felt since the beginning that God has taken this experience to teach it to me. I have to trust that His timing in her arrival is better than what I want to happen, and so I wait. I know that regardless, she will come so it's not like if she doesn't hurry I will never see her. So I have taken my dear friends advice and I am enjoy the last ounces of me time that are available to me. Lots of walks outside with Zeppelin, Working my way through 'Dexter' (a show my sister has on DVD and that was recommended by people I trust in this department :), Cleaning and organizing, and just relaxing a little. I am still sleeping through the night and I am soaking that all in since I know that that luxury will disappear.

I must say that I have been incredibly touched by how much she means to others already. So many have expressed their excitement for her arrival. Our families are over the moon excited and I think our little girl is going to be very lucky that way :) You know her arrival is eagerly awaited when your mother in law calls Henry's cell, he doesn't answer, and I get a call at home only slightly flustered because she thought we went into labor and didn't tell her yet :) Or when I call my mom to verify a spelling and she sighs because she thought I might have called for another reason :) To my family, I promise you will know as soon as I can possibly let you know and to my dear friends, my sister has instructions to update my facebook once we know what the scoop is, so everyone will stay as firmly in the loop as I can manage :)

The doctor says I am dilated but didn't mention how much, which leads me to believe there isn't a measurement for "Hardly" but I'll take it :) It means that the contractions I've been having fairly regularly have been doing something at least. They are slowly increasing but it's been over a number of days that this has been happening. My body is just prepping or practicing :) The walking is good for me the doctor says, gets me ready for labor and brings her down even more. She is still wiggling away in there but I can tell she is starting to run out of room. I keep telling her we have tons of space out here, but she's like her daddy that way, prefers to be curled up and warm than have space and potentially cold. Can't say that I blame her too much :)

It was my sister's birthday on Monday and we had a 'Weekend Extravaganza' to celebrate :) Went to see Alice in Wonderland on Saturday and really enjoyed it. I have always enjoyed Alice in Wonderland, especially since taking my Children's Lit class back in college. There is a great deal of richness to the story, as long as you can remove the author from the equation. Lewis Carroll was a bit of a....creep, but many great authors are :) Anyways, we really enjoyed that. On Sunday we watched the Oscars and had supper with the family and Lewis, who basically is family :) Then Monday we just kind of relaxed handed out her presents, had supper, and watch 24. Nice a low key after such an extravagant weekend :) The big 23....my we are getting old ;)

Time to get off my butt and get some walking in today. We shall see if mom is right today. Henry told me to hold off just long enough so it's officially Thursday....what a stinker :)

Let The Countdown Begin!

2010-03-02T07:16:00.000-08:00

Nearly there! Tomorrow we hit 38 weeks. The due date is coming up really quickly but as much as I'de love to have a St. Patty's baby I'm thinking that may not happen. Our doctor seemed convinced that we will go into labor any day now, which is a little crazy! I just kind of assumed that nothing would happen at all until close to the due date (which may still happen!). Yesterday I had my weekly check and he just looked at me and said, "So Ashley just have the baby already, okay." lol I thought that was pretty funny. I'm working on it though! My nesting has kicked into full gear since I am now officially on Mat leave, which means I have the time to organize, clean, bake, and do all those things I wanted to get ready. Maybe even fit in a nap or two :)

We have the crib now finally and are feeling like the nursery is ready to go for baby girl. Obviously, still a few little things to get set but I am feeling good about what we have accomplished and ready.

As you can see, Zeppelin is very intrigued by the changes in the new room and is a little obsessed with some of the toys we have for her. He's slowly learning that some toys are not his....slowly :) But I think that will be the biggest problem we have with him and the new baby. He's a really good boy with children and little ones. We've never felt worried about that aspect which is really nice! Sometimes if I'm playing with him and he starts to growl I pull him over to my belly so he growls right next to her, hopefully that way she won't be bothered by the sound of him. Who knows :) Maybe it will work!

I've said all along that I've been very lucky with this pregnancy. I haven't had a lot to complain about and have avoided the majority of the common pregnancy ailments. However, I will say that as the weeks have gone on lately, I am getting a little more uncomfortable. I have a spot on my side that is really getting painful. If I have to cough I find myself bracing for it, either her feet have planted themselves up in there or its just a muscle that doesn't want to release due to the pressure. Either way, it's a little unpleasant. As well, getting up from lying down or even sitting down now is a lot more work! Poor Henry, every time I have to roll over at night it's a bit of a production. This morning I had to leverage myself by pushing on him to get up lol He's a trooper though and so sweet.

I'm trying really hard this week to stay active. The past few weeks have been very busy and sedentary due to a need to get things wrapped up with work before I finished. That meant that I didn't get a lot of walking in or activity at all and I can tell now. I'm really excited about this GORGEOUS weather and being outside for little walks and finally getting back on my treadmill for the first time in months. Even just getting things done around the house feels really good because it's active. As well, I figure its positive no matter how you look at it. If labor is starting, it will help out and if not than it's helping me strengthen my body for labor that is coming.

Well, wish me luck! :) I'll be sure to update everyone on any progress and post pictures once we have them! Can't wait to meet her :)

p.s The Gold Medal Game nearly sent me straight into labor! The most amazing game EVER! I love hockey!! :)

Full Term!

2010-02-24T06:33:00.000-08:00

We made it :) We are officially full term today which is so exciting! I know that we could still have a long wait before she comes but there is a level of anticipation now and a sigh of relief to know that she will be just fine if she is born now. They won't have to whisk her away and put her in nursery where we can't hold her. So that is very exciting to know. It's funny, we watched 19 and Counting with the Duggar family. Their 19th baby was due just a day after us, however, she delivered at 25 weeks I believe. To see the difference between our two experiences is very humbling. Their little girl is maybe 2 pounds and ours has been able to develop and they estimate her weight at 6 pounds (give or take a pound). Their little girl is on a respiratory and ours will be able to breath on her own once she is born as her lungs have been able to fully develop. It makes me grateful for the uncomplicated pregnancy we have been able to enjoy.

My belly is really feeling big and little girl has her feet right up into my ribs and with the coughing from last week means I have a spot on my side that throbs and anytime I have to cough or move sharply I cringe. Now if this is the worst I have to deal with I won't complain....too much. :) It is pretty uncomfortable but like I've said the entire time, as far as things that are worth it go, this is pretty tops. I'm hoping to get more active starting Friday :) Friday being the first day of my Maternity Leave. I have a goal to walk on my treadmill everyday for as long as I can. I'm finding walking causes me some intense Braxton Hicks but if I take er easy and keep up with it I'll be fine. I just have a really strong desire to regain some strength and energy and this is a safe, doctor approved method.

I have finally taken a picture of the 3rd Ultrasound. I have one that I adore but it's a little hard to interpret without the Radiology Tech helping. So I'll do my best. Its an image of her face, looking straight on. The right side of her face is nestled into the side so you can't see her entire face. When you look you see the top of her head on the right, eyes squished closed, her nose, and chubby cheeks. So good luck with that :) I'll have a real picture to share soon enough!

Finally, tonight is the Canada vs Russia game. It's going to be crazy intense! We must must win....they played a good game last night so I am hoping that we can take the momentum from that game and apply it to the game tonight. I think it would be foolish to think it's going to be an easy game at all. We are going to have to bring it all :) Go Canada Go :)

Ultrasound Three and Good News

2010-02-20T06:30:00.000-08:00

I've been very lucky to have the chance to see our baby three times during this pregnancy. Typically in Canada, women experiencing a low risk or normal pregnancy only have one ultrasound. I had my first around 21 - 22 weeks and everything looked great then. Later on around 32 - 33 weeks my OBgyn noticed I was measuring a little small. Nothing serious, but smaller than average so he just wanted to have a confirmation on her size and how far along I was. During that ultrasound they said she was looking great and was in the 40th percentile. However, they did see that she was in a Footling Breech position, meaning she had her feet down when her head needs to be down for delivery. This meant that I needed to have at least one more ultrasound around the full term mark to see if she was going to be in the correct position for delivery.

Ultrasound happened yesterday and it was great! Henry was in charge of the shop this week so he was not able to come with me this time. He was disappointed but it was okay he said, "I'm going to see her in just a few weeks." I'm such a lucky lady :) Anyways, so I drank my water and had to pee so badly. Honestly, I know it helps them see everything but it always seems cruel since everyone knows a pregnant lady has to pee all the time regardless! I got there and waited only a few minutes for my turn. The Tech was incredibly friendly and chatted with me the entire time. After the first visit and the lady who had clearly lost all passion for her job, this was a pleasant surprise. The first thing that she noticed was that she was head down! Hurray! That was so very exciting to hear and know that we get to do this whole thing naturally like we hoped. After that bit of news she did a complete check on her development and she is right where she needs to be. They are really happy with where she is at in her weight, her structure, everything.

One of the best moments of the ultrasound was when she turned the screen to show me what she was seeing. She showed me a front facing picture of her face and for a second I saw her face. Her amazing chubby checks, her perfect little lips, tiny chin, eyes closed tight. My heart nearly stopped. She had one little arm in front of her, she looked like a little sleeping angel. Through this entire experience we've both been trying to fully understand that this is real. That this little girl is coming and in a split second it felt entirely real. I cannot wait to hold her and see Henry hold her, kiss her sweet little face and begin our lives together.

As far as what else has been going on, finally I feel like I am winning over this Cold and that awful awful cough. My doctor wasn't overly concerned but gave me some suggestions if it comes back that can at least help deal with symptoms. So that is awesome. It was nice having this week off so I could relax when I needed to and get better. I did get some work done which was awesome. One week left of work! Jeepers! I hope the crib gets here when it is suppose to so I can use the time in the interim to completely set up her room. Finally allow this nesting to take over :)

Finally, the game on Thursday nearly sent me into labor! No joke the stress stimulated some cramping (which the doc said is going to start happening more and more now) but jeepers, we need to pull it out on Sunday! We are very excited to watch! I think it would be entirely foolish to think it will be an easy game. It's so much fun to watch, goodness I never thought this would be me but I love hockey. I cannot wait until our little girl is old enough to take to an Oilers game :) It's been really neat watching all the Olympic coverage as well. What an awesome Winter Games it has been. Makes a person proud to be Canadian as lame as that sounds but too fun! It's not even how many medals we get but this sense of community that comes over the country. I love it.

I promise I'll add the new ultrasound pictures soon!

Can You Squeeze A Baby Out By Coughing?

2010-02-16T08:11:00.000-08:00

Man alive! My poor baby! I've been coughing and coughing hard since Friday now. My belly muscles hurt and I can't imagine she is enjoying being jostled around! It clearly makes sense that when I would decide to go get checked out, both my family doctor and my OBgyn were gone this week. lol I say good for them! They work hard and need to be able to get away, just makes things a little complicated for me. However, I was fortunate enough to get myself a quick check at a clinic. Just needed someone to tell me, "No you won't squeeze the baby out." and "No you do not have pneumonia.". I was able to get both those answers and while I am still coughing, at least I know that everything is fine. I have a OBgyn appointment on Friday along with my hopefully final ultrasound :) I say hopefully as we are praying that she is flipped around and head down. However, if she isn't it is clearly okay. We are trusting that God has this labor planned out in away to keep everyone safe, healthy, and happy. I'll be sure to update everyone on what we find out. Until then I am going to try and get healthy again before I go into labor. I haven't be able to be as active as I feel I need to be as a result of this coughing and I am really wanting to feel a little stronger before I need to push this baby out. Henry says he thinks I'll be surprised what what I will be able to do, and I agree with him. Mostly since she doesn't have the option of staying in there so shes coming out!

Well today we have reached the 36 week mark! Pretty exciting :) One more week and we are officially full term. We told her on Monday that this week doesn't work so well for us so she just needs to wait at least four days before she can come. Obviously, we are happy to have her develop longer and as long as she needs too. Henry put it so well last night when he said it's like there is an awesome present you can't open for 9 months and that you are scared sh**less of. lol It's about right. We both are so thrilled and excited. We love her more than she could imagine but it is completely terrifying.

So in other news...HOCKEY! Oh yes, it was finally time after much waiting to watch Team Canada play. What an amazing game, a great start to the tourney. We beat Norway 8 - 0. We figure if it wasn't for the cap, it would be amazing to make the ultimate NHL team with these guys. They would all have to all take a severe and crippling pay cut.....not sure if I see them agreeing to that lol We have some tough games ahead but I am confident, Go Team Canada!

35 Weeks......whoa

2010-02-09T16:06:00.000-08:00

Well it's been a busy week! Finishing up the nursery was amazing. We are so happy to have that project finished. A person doesn't realize what is all involved in a project like that! lol oh well, we are really really happy with the finished product and cannot wait to see our little girl in that room. We are just waiting now for the crib to arrive, it is due February 24th. If she comes before the crib it's not the end of the world but it would sure be nice to have it set up and ready first! So the crib and a lamp are all that is left for that room. Surreal...

On Saturday my sister had my baby shower (feels odd saying mine when its not really for me ;). It was a ton o fun! It was relaxed and casual which is totally me. It was really nice to have friends around and chat and eat some candy! My sister in law came down too which was a super extra treat! It was a really nice time and huge thanks to everyone that made it out :)

I had an appointment yesterday and things are looking good. We booked my third ultrasound to find out jellybeans position. He tried to get an idea of her position based on the heart monitor and trying to feel for her head, he thinks she is head down as of yesterday. However, he can't be completely sure. So we will find out next Friday what the plan is as I have the ultrasound in the morning and then meet with our doctor that afternoon. Whatever the result we are so incredibly excited to see our little girl no matter how she chooses to make her appearance :)

I can't believe how quickly the last trimester has gone by! To think that we are only 5 weeks away from the due date! It's kind of one of those most incredible, unbelievable things.

On another note. I have moved away from watching the news in the morning and happily transitioned to watching Sportsnet Connected. I really LOVE watching all the hockey highlights and now the Olympic coverage is a lot of fun to keep updated on. But I have to say, I've told Henry before, hockey players are kind of gross! lol It makes me laugh and cringe every morning when I see the boogers and spit fired off in the benches. I think to myself, the poor person responsible for cleaning the benches. Next time you watch a game, enjoy the game itself, and then pay attention to everyone on the bench and the boogers and spit that is evacuated on to the ice and bench. I suppose it has to go somewhere but it just makes me laugh. I bet their wives and girlfriends are super turned on by all that ;)

Nursery Photos

2010-02-06T19:44:00.001-08:00

Well as promised I have photos to share of the nursery! We are very excited that it is finally coming together. We don't have the crib yet, but it is on it's way. I think it will finally feel finished once we have that set up.

Getting close to being done. Needs the highlighting on the 'Sneetches' and Baby. The landscape is only just getting colored.

I had to laugh at the hair on this 'Sneetch'. A lot of the highlighting was done by memory or from the book cover. The transparency lines disappeared once the base color was finished. So the poor Sneetches hair made it look like he had been brutally attacked! Henry and I got a good laugh out of it. I adjusted the hair a little and we are all good now :)

The finished product!

Here you can see the green wall. So the finished nursery has two green walls and two walls have the mural.
We are really happy with it and proud of ourselves for setting a lofty goal. A labor of love :)

Week 34

2010-02-03T08:51:00.000-08:00

Wowzers, can you believe how quickly we have gone through this pregnancy! Three more weeks and we are Full Term and Six till the Due date! Unbelievable....

Well things are going really well and I really can't complain about how things are going. I feel pretty good, obviously tired and getting a little more sore as time goes on. But I think that's to be expected when you have this belly stretching out and pulling you forward. I am still able to sleep through the night and have not had to get up to pee in the night still. I know this is probably going to end soon but hey I'll enjoy it while I can! I was actually thinking what happens if I don't start waking up? I read that the insomnia and pee breaks in the night prepare your body for the nights after baby. So we will see....lol I don't think I want to hope that it starts soon, but I suppose if it's in a way good for me, bring it on :)

We are really getting a sense for her personality lately, or at least what we are thinking is her personality. Last night she was squirming around quite a bit in large movements that stretched my belly. On top of that she had the hiccups (precious). She tends to get a little annoyed when she has them for too long as she gets fidgety. When she pushes up like that Henry likes to try and figure out what part of her it is and then he pushes on her, she pushes back, and the two use my belly to pick on each other :) This time she had enough or something and she wound up and kicked me so incredibly hard! The hardest to date. Henry heard it at the same time he felt it! We laughed so hard. It was a nice moment to think about what our evenings will be like when she is here. Just us relaxing and learning about her.

The baby shower is this Saturday and I'm really excited. I think it'll be a really nice time to get together with friends and family. My sister in law is making a trip down for the shower as well so I'm very excited to see her. We are also excited to finish the nursery so that we can show it off when everyone is here. We don't have the crib yet but we will have the walls painted and all the other furniture set up and ready to go.

I am definitely in the nesting stage right now. Since I work at home I can see all the things that I need to get done. It's taking a lot of will power to not just walk away from work and start painting the nursery! But I promise I have been putting in all my hours and painting after that's done :) I'm definitely ready to feel like we are ready to go, but more than that, I am so grateful and mindful of all the blessing we have. I never want to take that for granted!

Ultrasound Two

2010-01-27T08:18:00.000-08:00

We were sent for a second Ultrasound Monday this week. Our OBgyn decided he wanted a look at her size since I was measuring a little smaller, nothing to be worried about, but just to be thorough. I went in to get the results already on Tuesday. Things get done quickly with this doctor!

At the ultrasound we had a harder time spotting things on the screen. Since she is so much bigger than the first time there is less room to recognize different features. We did manage to get a nice profile picture where you can see a little button nose. We were told that she also has hair! Since I was bald until I was at least two years old this was a surprise. The tech pointed out some strange stringy looking stuff and she said, "There, that's her hair". Henry and I both laughed, "Are you sure this is our baby we are looking at?"

One thing that was interesting was that she was in a 'Footling Breeched' position or feet down position.

By the time I went for my appointment on Tuesday the doctor said she felt like she was in head down position. She is definitely flipping around a lot in there. He said we have loads of time for her to settle in since I am at 33 weeks and they usually don't settle in until 36 - 37 weeks. It does mean that at 37 weeks I have to go in for another ultrasound to see where she is sitting. Clearly this also means, if she is still breeched at this point I'll likely be scheduled for a C-Section. It was funny when Henry and I found out her position, we realized that we had not considered this possibility at all. So we are talking now about what happens and what is the plan if this is the case for us, which is a very real possibility. At Prenatal Classes they told us here in Lethbridge it's about 1 in 4 births that are done as a Section. I definitely would prefer a natural birth, I love the idea of being surprised by labor and going through that experience, but we will do what we need for our baby girl and if this is what happens in order to keep us both safe I'm okay with that. However, it's not like I am expecting this to happen, but I think it's healthy and important to make sure you have mentally approached the possibility.

D Day is coming up quick! It's funny how fast and slow everything has gone by. I feel like I am trying to relax and really focus on enjoying the next few weeks as it's the end of a time in our lives and the start of something so exciting. Also Henry and I are talking a lot honestly about how petrified we are. I think it's okay to be scared. Henry said last night that he figures if you aren't scared, you don't have a healthy understanding of what is to come and what can be involved.

Work is winding down for me. It's strange since it's not like we all get to take the holiday. I am really going to miss my girls at work :) I'm scared they will forget about me or when I come back I'll be soooo behind. So my plan is to continue to harass them while on Mat Leave. Emails, phone calls, packages are all in their future so watch out chickies :)

Tired But Still Blogging :P

2010-01-22T12:11:00.000-08:00

So tired. I think I am definitely still recovering from the flu. At least it's not what it was earlier in the week!

Anyways, today I had my second appointment with my OBgyn. I am officially switched over from my family doc to the OBgyn. I have to say I really really like our doctor. He is super friendly and bless his heart when I asked about if I was measuring small for how far along I am, he said, "well because of your slender build you will likely measure a little smaller because you can hide it." Clearly, he has worked with pregos before! He is really happy with how things are progressing, she had a nice strong heartbeat, and despite loosing two pounds from last week, everything looks good. So we are happy :)

I get to have one more ultrasound just to get an idea of her actual size and get a good guess as to what her birth weight will be. So I am excited to get to see her again :) Perhaps we can get a better picture this time. The one from before that I posted, she is mid turn and the head looks a little.....strange lol

It looks like we will be getting the nursery most of the way done this weekend. Since I was sick and still have symptoms, it was recommended that I not go to my prenatal class on Saturday. Which totally makes sense with so many late term pregnant ladies, I would not be okay with getting them sick! So that means we got the base paint yesterday and supplies and are going to try and get the first coat down tonight and the second tomorrow morning. We are both pretty excited about getting that done and setting some furniture up. It would be really neat if we were done this weekend but we shall see :) Can't set up too many expectations!

Well time to go get some more gingerale :)

Week 32 and the Stomach Flu

2010-01-20T07:39:00.000-08:00

Pretty nifty that that rhymes!

So we hit the 32 week mark today. I am completely exhausted but feeling about 80% better than I did yesterday. I was hit with a nasty stomach flu and for 24 hours was sicker than I have been in years. Not fun whatsoever. However, I had people looking out for me and making sure I was doing okay. I finally fell asleep last night and slept the entire night. I woke up this morning feeling much much better. The cramping in my stomach had stopped, I didn't feel like I was going to puke, and the body aches were much less than they were yesterday. I'm still not brave enough or really interested in eating anything quite yet but I have been able to keep fluids down for a number of hours now.

I swear being sick like that is hard enough but when you worry about your baby on top of it, not easy. I was very grateful to have her kicking and VERY active all day so I knew she was fine. On the other hand, having a baby kicking you from the inside when you have the stomach flu is an interesting experience!

Well 32 weeks today, which means she is coming very soon! 56 days, 8 weeks, 2 months.....whoa....Our nursery isn't finished yet but at least we have the projector and Henry was thinking about picking up the paint tonight or tomorrow. Hoping to at least get a good start by the weekend. It's a little tricky as we have our second Prenatal class all day Saturday. Last week was our first and it was good. Lots of good info and it nice people. A lot of the information I have read about before but I found it helpful to have someone talking to us about how things go here in Lethbridge. The hospital tour was great so now we know what happens and where to go when the time comes. That was a big thing for us I think.

2010-01-13T11:17:00.000-08:00

Even though I know better I have been tuned into CNN all morning. The massive earthquake in Haiti is all they are talking about. The pictures and information is devastating. It's a hard thing feeling helpless when some many or someone is suffering. I am hoping over time I will be able to do some of the small things our family likes to do to help others.

Today I officially hit the 31 week mark but I covered all that earlier in the week. Today I am mostly filled with gratitude and a sense of my blessings. Clearly in the wake of such tragedy but other elements from yesterday and this morning have brought this on. Yesterday, I decided with the glorious warm weather to finally get my poor dog out for a short walk around the park. I'm not sure if trudging through the snow drifts was a little much for me or not but by the time I was on my way back to my house (which is not more than a block or two really) I felt some pain and cramping in my belly area. Nothing that I panicked over, it wasn't really fluctuating, and it wasn't crippling pain. I had no sensation of fluid or anything like that so I figured my best choice was simply to take my time, get home and sit for a minute or two. Once I was settled it took only a few minutes to taper off and I sat and annoyed her to get her to kick me. Once I felt the familiar swift kick I was happy. I wasn't opposed to a rest anyways so I took it easy for a little while after that. All the activity made my abdomen muscles a little tender and sore, plus later that night our little girl was celebrating something in there and then got the hiccups. So needless to say I was definitely ready for bed last night :)

This morning however, demonstrates my love and desire to feel those kicks, no matter what they feel like. She almost always wakes up at the same time as Henry and I and starts her kicking right away. That didn't happen this morning. I asked Henry to wake her up since she wasn't responding to me picking on her. After a little bit of poking and prodding and what felt like 20 minutes (definitely not that long though) she kicked him back a little and then did a bit of a flip. It almost seemed like a, "leave me alone I'm sleeping" moment. By the time I was up and started with my day she was in full action. The point I think I am making here is how blessed I am and grateful for everything in my life. The kicks of my child are reminding me of that everyday. While I am so anxious to see her, to know that she is healthy, all those amazing things, I treasure every second where I can still feel those movements and have this connection with her....no matter how uncomfortable :) Plus I am still sleeping through the night for the most part (minus needing to wake up to roll over) but no bathroom runs at midnight! I'm sucking up all the sleep I can!

31 Weeks Starts Tomorrow But I'm Doing It Now!

2010-01-12T07:42:00.000-08:00

I peaked ahead this week. Go figure. So I decided to blog about it now because I need to do the blog for work as well. Plus it's a good start to the morning.....

So it looks like the jellybean is definitely no longer. Babycenter says she is likely about 3 and a 1/2 pounds now. I'll be honest, she feels way bigger than that! When she does somersaults it's insane. My poor mom seems to put her to sleep whenever she is around. Doesn't move when she is here, but it's all good, I am sure she will give her a healthy run for her money once she is here and especially starts walking and running! I promise you this will be an active kid.

I am definitely starting to feel like I am in my Third Trimester. I'm slowing down a bit from the aches and pains. I'm starting to feel that familiar exhaustion. People keep telling me, "You think your tired now, just wait till the baby comes." *sigh* I am aware that sleep will be hard to come by, but I think if anything is worth sleepless nights, this is about it. Our pastor and his wife had a new gorgeous baby boy! On Sunday she passed him back to me and said, "Here, get some practice in.". Oh I was filled with fear and joy. Henry was mostly filled with horror. He hasn't had the chance to be around newborns and the realization of how tiny they are was shocking. For me, I completely forgot how entirely tiny they are. We talked after about being nervous about being in charge of this tiny breakable person. But I know instincts will take over and I mean that's why we take the Prenatal classes right! Get as much info and learn the rest on the way :) There is no one else I have more confidence in to do an amazing job than Henry.

I had been reading about Braxton Hicks for ages, apparently they can start as early as the second trimester. I think I am starting to experience a few here and there. It's hard to tell since I don't know what I suppose to feel but based on the descriptions, these feel a lot like them. I'm not worried about them at all but it's interesting. It's neat to have little thinks happen that remind me I'm pretty darn close to D Day! I've decided that once I hit 37 weeks, I'm ready to have her come whenever :) Not likely that she will come early but hey, maybe if I'm open to it something will happen!

The Holidays are Over

2010-01-04T09:02:00.000-08:00

I have been informed that I have been slacking in the blogging over the holidays! Sorry about that. We really enjoyed our holidays and it was an amazing treat to have Henry have the week off as well! We spent a lot of time just hanging out and relaxing. We both ended up with a head cold, he just had a touch of it and I got the full blown version. I am really hoping our baby girl gets Henry's immune system! He almost never gets sick outside of Migraines (which are no fun). I tend to get sick a lot more, sometimes mild and it hangs on for an annoying period of time or I'll get wicked sick for a short period of time. Oh well, this time it was nothing a good cup o tea could help :)

As for baby she is still nice and active. I can certainly tell she is getting bigger based on the movements. Henry and I just watched my belly shift and wiggle the other night. It was awesome. Even when it gets uncomfortable I relish every moment. I think I may miss it a little when she is finally here....if I have the time to dwell on it!

Our plans to finish the nursery didn't fully happen....go figure lol We did however completely empty out the room that once was my office. I am officially relocated to the couch. Some swanky digs :) It's weird having the nursery completely empty, but it still doesn't feel weird in there yet, since it doesn't look like her room. My mom got us a Dr Seuss calendar to put in there which is really cute and we finally picked an image to paint on the wall. We just have to get our hands on an old projector and pick out some quotes to put up. A friend of mine sent us a really cute Wall Talk quote that we are going to put up once the painting is done.

I am feeling bigger every week that goes by. I told Henry I don't know how much more I can stretch even though I know I have a ways to go! Our pastor and his wife had a gorgeous baby boy last week and I was able to see him on Sunday. I was mesmerized by how small and gorgeous he was. I told Henry I can't believe how tiny our baby will be when she comes. There are so many babies in our church but it's easy to forget how little they are when they are still Newborns. I think I'll be needing to get some Newborn outfits at some point!

We hit the 30 week mark on Wednesday. I can't believe it. Also coming back to work after the holidays is surreal as I know I only have a few weeks! I'll be going on mat leave beginning of March if all goes well :) It's starting to feel really close and I am so excited. It still feels surreal which seems insane that it would still. Honestly though I think I will wake up to the sound of her crying and still have the surreal feeling.

Third Trimester! According to BabyCenter :)

2009-12-23T06:55:00.001-08:00

I have decided to go ahead and celebrate being in my Third Trimester. Honestly a few weeks give or take, does it matter that much? I asked my doc what he figures and he said he considers Week 30 to be the final trimester but I was like hmmmm. lol A sane person would go by her doctors wisdom on the subject, but like I said, not a serious issue.

All I know is I have started to go for visits about every two weeks now and I'm feel great minus the unbelievable ache in my pelvis and a total drop off in energy. Honestly though I can't complain too much. I have a goal to stabilize my weight gain still. Last week was a gong show that way. With all the marking and course wrap up my butt was stuck on the couch and took that opportunity to grow. I managed to somehow gain about 4 pounds in one week! Well not this week! I realized this is a lofty goal with Christmas just days away, but the difference I think will be that I am more active when on holidays and I feel like I have the time to hop on my treadmill and walk it out a bit more. I tried going for a walk around the neighbourhood but found my self in an area that was covered in ice....sheets of ice that had been covered with a dusting of snow. I managed to get myself and Zeppelin back home without falling but all the correcting did a number on my core. Apparently that part of my body is a little taxed already.

No one told me about this pelvic pain either. When I get up now or am up and walking for too long it hurts something awful. I told Henry it honestly feels like someone kicked me right in the groin bone (I'm so technical :P) I did some reading yesterday to get a better idea of what I could do and someone recommended some stretching. I did that yesterday and I actually feel a good deal better. Still aches but I think the stretching was helpful for everything, my body needed a good stretch.

I did my Glucose Tolerance Test on Friday and got my results Monday. I passed with flying colors! I wasn't really worried though. I felt completely fine during and after the test, I actually enjoyed the chance to sit and ready without distraction. Trying to enjoy that while it lasts :) I was told this drink was so gross and syrupy but it tasted just like orange pop and I had no problem with that!

Also on Monday I had my Rh shot at the hospital. I am Rh Negative and since that is rare the standard and normal procedure is to get a shot that prevents my body from creating antibodies against Rh Positive blood. I got all jacked up about the info since this subject area was and still is my favorite part of Biology. If I had any idea what I could have done for a career in Genetics, I dunno, I think that would have been really interesting to me. Not sure I had the stellar marks in High School to do something like that. Don't get me wrong I was a good student, but just not top o' the class student. Anyways, I digress.

Life is good. Our baby girl is incredibly active and has a personality it seems already. I am amazed and in awe still at the idea of this tiny baby hanging out and that she will be here so soon. It's a beautiful thing that Henry and I are so incredibly excited about. We want to do the Nursery over the holidays and I am really excited about getting things in order and ready for her arrival. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and then Christmas! Honestly though, for the past few months, everyday has felt like Christmas to me when I get to wake up and feel those reassuring kicks and movements. God has blessed us and we are so very grateful for everything we have.

Merry Christmas!

Hokie Smokes!

2009-12-17T08:46:00.000-08:00

I've pushed myself pretty hard this week to get what needs to get done before we wrap this course and go on Christmas Break, sweet sweet break! Anyways, I set a goal and finished last night which means I have fewer things on my plate today and less stress....which leaves me time to blog :)

We were up this morning at 4:30am. I kept thinking, 'I'm going to have to get used to this, I am going to have to get used to this.' Oh man. We drove my sister to the airport this morning which is the reason for such an early morning. Before that though we exchanged some of our gifts so she could be here when we opened them. I was super stoked about Season One and Two of Pushing Daisies! I have only caught a few episodes but the ones I did see I really enjoyed. I've been chattering about it since but I know very few people who have actually watched it. So yay! The timing is great as well as today is the last day before holidays.

I'm very much ready for a break and some time to fully allow myself to nest like I want too. Also I am really excited for time with family and friends and some time with Henry. My body is ready for some rest as well I think. Even though my job is unfortunately pretty sedentary, I find that sometimes it is harder to sit in one spot for a long period of time. I am hoping the warmer weather holds so I can get outside and move around. Otherwise I'll do some walking on the treadmill and watch Pushing Daisies :) Have to keep the weight gain stable! I found a new stretch mark....sigh....it's not a bit deal but I don't know any female that is stoked about finding something like that! I think moving around is going to help me feel better overall. Sitting has been tough on my back and my ribs due to the positioning. But at the same time, if I am on my feet for too long I get quite tired and sore. I am looking for a healthy balance of the two!

Well according to BabyCenter this is the last week of my Second Trimester. Kind of unbelievable! 90 days left. I'm impatient and at the same time I know that this whole thing is going to fly by so so fast! And there are so many things that we need to get ready before this little girl comes....so hence...the Hokie Smokes comment :)

Cold, Even with the Extra Padding!

2009-12-15T07:55:00.000-08:00

Goodness it's cold out! Thank heavens my coat is still managing to fit. With a little coaxing, it works just fine! It's been a chilly one here in Western Canada that is for sure. I hear we are getting a break today and for the rest of the week. Can't wait! I've gone soft and I'm ready to feel warm again. I really hope it is a little warmer when we have to go to the hospital to deliver! lol I told Henry that when the time comes I want the car warmed up first....I just see me tensing up from the cold and I can't imagine that feeling too good. It's hard not really knowing what kind of weather to expect in March. It's always a wild card here! We almost bought an adorable winter snowsuit for our little girl. Then we realized that we don't even know if she will need one then and it certainly won't fit next year for winter. So we decided to pass and we will see what it looks like closer to the time.

Tomorrow we hit the 27 week mark! And according to one of the resources that is the Third Trimester. I know I promised I would ask my Doctor when it actually starts and well he asked at the end of the appointment, "Do you have any questions?" and I blanked out completely. lol I started laughing and said "Yes....I think three....but I can't remember any of them!" Oh well, pregnancy brain!

Well it's time for me to mark some more essays :) Better get to it!

26 Weeks....14 Days to Christmas!

2009-12-11T06:51:00.000-08:00

We hit the 26 week mark this week! We are motoring through this thing it feels like. I really feel like my belly has grown quite a bit even in the past few weeks! I'm really digging the belly I have going right now, especially since I've been feeling her jamming in there so much more and I can see my belly moving a lot. Sometimes when she is kicking up a storm (or playing whack a mole as Henry said this morning :) I'll have a peak at my belly and just see it moving and shifting. It cracks me up.

I said I was going to try and find out when I actually hit the Third Trimester. Well after a lot of looking around, apparently no one can agree on when that time actually is, which make zero sense to me! I have a doctors appointment this morning so I'll be asking him. I figure he is somewhat in the know :)

The holidays are coming up really quickly and I couldn't be happier. I LOVE Christmas and this year I am really excited to just chill out and get the house ready for baby. I'm feeling ready to relax and have a little more time on my hands to exercise and get the things done that I want to....even if that means a nap!

Today as I mentioned I have a doctors appointment. I am getting my Glucose test done this morning. Not sure entirely what to expect but I heard that the 'Orange Drink' isn't overly tasty. Oh well, we will see how that goes.

Well that's all for now. Stay warm everyone!

Truckin' Along

2009-12-07T07:58:00.000-08:00

This weekend was pretty intense weather wise! Here in Lethbridge we were completely dumped on with snow. It started on Friday afternoon and continued right through Saturday. The wind blew the snow all over the roads and created massive drifts all over. It was crazy! But on the flip side being stuck inside all off Saturday and Sunday Morning was kind of nice. Henry and I got to hang out, we watched Elf, played Mancala (which I only won once...), relaxed, and just had a chill day. It was wonderful as we have been hoping to have sometime quality time for a while.

Finally we were able to break free thanks to Henry's shovelling and someone's tractor trying to plow the roads in our area. We went to rescue mom from her Cabin Fever and we got a few groceries and finally picked up a tree! It was still frozen last night so we are going to decorate it after class tonight. Pretty excited! Dawn (Henry's sister) is here for the week so she is going to help. Not that we have much to put up but it's going to be fun to have some decoration up :) With all the snow and now a tree it sure it starting to feel Christmasy around here.

As for Pregnancy stuff, things are going really well. Our little girl is growing and she is very active. Last night I had some trouble staying asleep and I felt her kicking up a storm. For the most part it seemed she would sleep most of the night, but maybe I just never felt the kicks before. There go the dreams of a baby that loves to sleep at night ;) Not like I actually believed that one anyways. I'm feeling a lot of stretching in my belly which leads me to believe that she is growing a lot this week. That matches up with my BabyCenter.com emails :)

I'm starting to feel this Nesting thing kick in but it isn't strong enough apparently. I have a lot of things to wrap up with work before that can take over I think. I told Henry I would finish work on time today so I could actually vacuum like I wanted. Fingers crossed that I can make that one happen.

Finally, my goal is to find out on Wednesday find out for sure when the Third Trimester happens. I've read so many different answers. I don't understand why there isn't one set answer....oh well. This is my mission :)

25 Weeks and Only 23 Days to Christmas :)

2009-12-02T08:51:00.000-08:00

25 weeks! It's been an eventful last week as far as the pregnancy goes. We were so thrilled to get a good report from the ultrasound, as well, finding out that we are having a little girl is incredible. It's made things much more real and put things on a different level. Unfortunately, every time I see a man holding a baby girl I get misty....hormones. As for hormones, I've been pretty proud of myself and my ability to maintain my sanity. I have forced Henry to say that I have been level headed and he has complied so far....that counts right :) Well the other day I had a....moment....for about ten minutes I was livid over nothing. I needed Zeppelin to go poo for me before I went into class and he was not cooperating in the pooping arena, so I was angry. And then after that I for some reason was super pissed about the Victoria Secret Fashion Show. It was on last night and I knew that Heidi Klum, whom I love, was modeling in the show a mere 5 WEEKS after giving birth. So I was all mad about the standards that were being set....yada yada yada....anyways...the ten minutes passed and I regained sanity. I apologized to Zeppelin, called my sister and apologized as well and then called Henry and asked if he could tell me that I was a good person.

Crisis averted :)

Little babes has been keeping very active and it sure looks like she is growing everyday. My belly is getting nice and round and slowly my feet are disappearing. She apparently loves to push her feet, head, hands, anything up into my diaphragm. It makes it incredibly hard to breath sometimes. Oh well :) The things I do for her....happily

Henry and I talked about what happens if the ultrasound is wrong. What a trip that would be! Obviously we would be just as happy but it would clearly be a surprise. We aren't buying everything pink for that reason, but it's not like we are going to be so cautious that we never get any gender specific items. My sister within five minutes of finding out she was getting a niece ran out to get a complete outfit that she had been eyeing. She already dressed better than me :)
I just thought that I should mention we have thought about that possibility.

The Big News!

2009-11-30T06:54:00.000-08:00

I am so excited to share with everyone that we are have a Baby GIRL :) The news hit us like a wave!

We came in to get the Ultrasound results and while we were excited to hear the gender we were most anxious to hear that our baby was healthy and developing well. Our doctor came in and told us the news. I think he thought we were most excited to hear the gender since he kind of flew through the other results.

"Spine is good, Head shape is good, Lips are good. The rest of the body structure looks great. Heart and lungs are excellent.

And you better buy some pink stuff."

I was already misty from the relief of the first information and then BAM! Henry and I had apparently convinced ourselves that it was a boy. I don't know if there could have been a bigger surprise! We are so excited. No matter what we are over the moon but now knowing just makes it that much more real.

A little girl :) Amazing

A Week of Waiting

2009-11-23T08:07:00.000-08:00

We are going to get our Ultrasound results on Friday morning. *sigh* so much of pregnancy is waiting! :) I know I am learning a lot from this experience....even just in that one area.

This time it is being able to wait to hear the results. The tech (for good reasons) was not allowed to say one word to us about what she was seeing. I understand completely but when all you want to hear is, congrats your baby looks completely healthy and it's a .... (oh ya we still back and forth on this one :) Henry and I were talking last night about our fears in regards to being parents, and very much wanting our child to be healthy. We are praying a lot about this and even more so, we are praying for peace, to be able to leave it all in God's hands, to know that whatever happens he is in control of the situation. I am continually comforted by the knowledge that as much as we love this child already, God loves them so much more. So, this means that no matter the results on Friday morning we are excited and looking forward to meeting this little one and sharing in their life.

I should mention that we have no reason to believe anything is wrong. We are just like any other new parents who want to know that everything is okay in there ;)

On to another subject related to Friday, we are still undecided in regards to finding out gender! I bet everyone is just dying for us to officially decide already! :) We are thinking about special ways to tell family if we do find out, which is really fun to imagine. We were laughing at the idea of doing the cake thing, where the color of the cake inside told you the gender, and doing that even if we didn't find out and having like a vanilla cake inside.....so mean!

Well we hit Six Months this week! Where has the time gone! I'll be sure to post something to commemorate that milestone, as well as let everyone know how the appointment goes as soon as I can.

23 Weeks .... One Pound

2009-11-21T14:55:00.000-08:00

We have made it to the one pound mark! It's pretty exciting :) I can tell our baby is getting much bigger and stronger. Tigger was making his/her presence known this morning. I am sure starting to feel bigger, this belly of mine is growing really fast it seems. I love seeing that growth, but at the same time it makes me think about trying to maintain a healthy weight during this time. I don't feel like I have gained much weight outside of the boobs and belly as we say. However, the numbers have jumped up and I am at a place I have never been before. It's a little intimidating even though I know it is completely normal and necessary.

I had trouble getting back into my excerising this past week after sort of scary night. I was doing my WiiFit stepper and when I finished I sat down and was surprised by intense pain across my abdomen. I had a sense that I was okay but it's not really a feeling that I think any pregnant chick wants to feel this early. I think what happened was a may have pulled something without fully realizing it. It wasn't coming it waves, and it only happened when I moved outside of a slight ache when I was lying still. Henry ran a hot bath for me and I hung out in there for a while. It took the edge off and helped me feel better. The interesting thing was neither of us panicked, just talked about the situation and what we wanted to do. It reinforces what I already know about Henry as a partner during pregnancy, labor, and life. He is amazing. It was nice to see that I could continue to stay calm and just work through it. I have a personality that, while it may not seem like it, I tend to stay in control during a scary or tough situation until that situation is over. Then I break down. It's served me well. When Henry had his emergency surgery during our first year married, I stayed in control the entire time. When got home and we were settled and he was comforable, I went downstairs and cried. Hoping I can keep it together like that for myself and Henry when D day arrives!

Mom, Bailey, and I went to see Twilight: New Moon today. It was fun to get out with them. The movie wasn't too bad :) Still don't see what the big deal is about the guys in that movie but it was entertaining. Good times, have to take advantage of it while I can right!

Bailey set the date for the baby shower, kind of awesome. I am looking forward to what she plans. It's really going to be nice to have mom and Bailey here for it as well. Fun stuff.

Well I think I am going to step back into my trusty maternity sweats and try and do some excerise. Especially after indulging on some movie popcorn....and yes I did hear the report about how bad it is for you.....but it's not a regular thing for me and I'm pregnant ..... leave me alone ;)

Ultrasound.....After

2009-11-16T15:09:00.000-08:00

Well I made it! I have never had to pee so bad in my life! But when we got in there she took a quick peak and said I needed to empty out a bit. Sweet relief! I was able to enjoy the process a little more since I wasn't worried about piddling all over myself. lol The things they don't tell you :)

Anyhoo....the lady was very nice, she said she would be taking a few pictures first and then she would walk us through what everything was. Henry could see most of what was going on, but due to the angle I really didn't see much for the first 15 minutes or so. Finally she turned the screen for me and showed us what we were looking at. She showed us a top down image, a little head, arms and fingers. This is the spot where a little excess fluid seeped out of my eyes. She held the view for a second and we saw just a tiny pointer finger, wiggling for us. When you see fingers it become real! We also saw legs and feet....which I have become very familiar with...looked like soccer legs to me.

She said that our little one is definitely as active as we thought. Apparently she had to take some time to look at my kidney's while Tigger decided to do some sort of backflip.

We are not sure if they will be able to see the gender (as if we know lol) but the legs were crossed while we were there. So we aren't sure where they look from, but it was knees to the chest, legs crossed. But that's okay :) Maybe we had a change of heart so that we wouldn't be disappointed when they couldn't find out.

So here we have the Littlest Duiker :) Pictures are kind of weird and the other two of the face look a little like skulls, so we will leave them off of here. Kind of weird and the rest are a little blurry. But there you have it....Tigger

Ultrasound....Before

2009-11-16T10:11:00.000-08:00

Well I called the Radiology Center where I am getting the Ultrasound, just to confirm what I need to do before I go. Well I have to pee in a half an hour and then in the span of 15 minutes I need to down Three glasses of water and then hold it for an Hour and a Half. Insanity!

Anyways :) I am still incredibly excited. We are both looking forward to finally seeing our baby....as long as Tigger can hold still long enough! We are going to ask them to look for the gender, but we found out we won't get that information until we meet with our family doctor. We are now, after so much thought and back and forth, thinking we may not find out the gender. But the reason we will ask them to find out at the Ultrasound is so we have the option if we change our minds. It will just be in the file and if we are crazy to find out, we can go ahead and do that : ) so clever we are!

We were looking up the kinds of things they are looking for at these appointments and there is some really important information we can get from this test. They are going to measure the size of the head, check for downs, check the spine, look at the lungs and heart, and I think the length of the umbilical cord. Anyways, I am really excited. Feels like a big moment :)

I'll update everyone once we get back....yay!

22 Weeks, Tired, and Happy

2009-11-12T08:07:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we hit the 22 week mark! Every week gets more and more exciting. Apparently next week we hit the One Pound mark, not sure why, but it seems like that is a big deal. Lots of changes are happening lately though. Henry was able to feel the baby for sure on Saturday, Tigger was kicking up a storm while we watched G.I Joe (I dunno everyone I'm starting to think we have a boy ;) That night it took him a little while to feel the kicks, he said he had to focus to notice them. Then early in the week, probably around Tuesday, I felt some really really strong kicks. I checked my belly and really low, I saw little bumps! Insanity! lol It's a little low for me to be able to show anyone right now....so sorry about that....but I am sure it won't be long until Tigger gets big enough to kick out my belly button.

Anyways, so since then, Henry has been feeling a TON of movement. It makes me sooo happy! This morning my tummy was touching his back just a little while we were listening to the radio and all of a sudden he said, "I felt that". I was so not thinking that he would have been able to feel any of that but I am honestly so excited. I think him feeling kicks as well, makes me almost happier than the first time I felt it myself.

So the day is nearly here, on Monday we get to go for our Ultrasound! yay! We can't wait :) We have decided to wait till the morning of to make the important choice to find out the gender. S much of us wants to know. The planner in me, REALLY wants to know. But we definitely see the reasons for not finding out. What gets to me, is when people suggest the birth of my child, my baby, seeing my child's face for the first time, will in some way, be less incredible. Ya.....not likely.
But we will let you all know how it goes and I promise to post the pictures we get from that day.
I'll also let you know how the bladder holds up! Apparently some sicko decided that I need to drink a ton of water before and I am not allowed to pee until after they push on my bladder with the wand. hahahaha...awesome ;)

Today I just have a routine prenatal check up. These are awesome since I get to hear the heartbeat, but I'm usually in and out pretty quickly. I'm taking mom with me since Henry can't make it as he is taking the time off for Monday. I took my sister last time and she really enjoyed getting to hear the heartbeat, so I thought she might like that as well :)

21 Weeks .... Carrots, Ducks, and Shots

2009-11-04T08:27:00.000-08:00

21 weeks.....truckin along. This babe is really enjoying the space that they presently have and taking all advantages to practice their soccer skills. Gorgeous :) I am still trying to be patient and wait for Henry to be able to feel the kicks, but I think I am more anxious than he is. Or at least I am showing it more.

The Vegetable/Fruit comparison today is a Carrot! We are getting really close to the One Pound mark. Feels like that will be a big milestone. When you think about how we found out at 5 weeks and the wee one was the size of a PoppySeed! Really is amazing when you think about it. My favorite information from the weekly email today was the fact that our baby is growing eyebrows!! lol I think that is precious and hilarious. I think I am imagining our child focusing really hard on growing full and thick....anyways....lol the random thought for the day.

As for Ducks, Sunday we found a Cool Mist Humidifier finally. It is adorable, in the shape of a really cute duck shape. I was told to get one for the baby but that it would likely help with the continuous congestion that has accompanied the pregnancy. Henry is now blessed with a wife who cannot breath through her nose at night. Anyhoo, two nights with the humidifier and I wake up feeling better. So I have brought it down today to see if having it in the room will help during the day. Fingers crossed!

So Alberta has finally figured out what they are doing with the H1N1 shot. I think I will finally get to go stand in line (yay) on Friday. This decision as I have made I know I have discussed before. I would like to emphasize the fact that a huge amount of research, thought, discussion, and prayer has gone into this choice. It was not easy at all to make, Henry and I have learned that parenting is incredibly hard even before the little one makes their appearance. I know a number of parents would agree with me on this one. However, it has been difficult to continue watching the news, and to sometimes, hear the extremely hurtful things that people say about people who have come to this decision. I think what is frustrating for me, is when some individuals seem to make the issue black and white. I completely respect every ones choice in regards to the shot, the reality is that if I were not pregnant, I would likely not bother to get the vaccine at all. But it is not just us anymore, we are now a family of three.

That's my two cents :)

My final note: Edmonton neeeeeeds to win tomorrow! So if anyone from the team reads this blog (hahahaha) please know that a pregnant lady would greatly appreciate another 6 - 1 victory :)

Some Pictures of Week 20

2009-10-29T19:12:00.000-07:00

So not much to say in this post, but I figured it was time to make sure we documented week 20!I always seem to look so stunned. Not sure why....not very photogenic after my three hour class. I'm sticking with that excuse :)

I adore my bump, but as I have mentioned before, pregnancy is doing a number on my skin and hair. I am just striving to get to a point where I will look something like Heidi Klum on a bad day during labor. Not to much to ask right?

And to wrap it up, this is what happened when I tried to pose and Henry laughed at me....so mean.

Well that's all folks. I'm off to eat Mac & Cheese with Hot Dogs. Don't judge :)

20 Weeks, 5 Months, Halfway...

2009-10-28T07:18:00.000-07:00

I will begin by saying, baby is wanting some breakfast so this may be brief or potentially littered with random breakfast related words ;)

Anyways, today is a huge day! We are halfway through the pregnancy. Henry and I were reflecting last night on how fast this has all progressed. It seems like just a yesterday I was bullied into getting a pregnancy test by my cousin (by the way, thanks Eb!) and had the shock of my life. I had taken tests before, but when there was actually the possibility that we could be pregnant, I was in complete denial. Don't get me wrong, it's obviously not that I didn't hope with every fiber that I was, we both did not think it would happen so quickly! When I walked into the bathroom to check the results of what I fully expected to be negative, I stopped breathing. TWO Pink lines! My reaction was painfully cliched. I stepped back and grabbed on to the door as I ended up sliding to the floor. I started crying and Zeppelin was confused so he came to sit on my lap and licked my hand.

I realized I needed to prepare to tell Henry. I mustered everything I had to call him and tell him I wasn't feeling well without slipping about the news. I definitely didn't want to tell him over the phone. He said since I wasn't feeling well, he would bring home supper and we would just relax and watch a movie or something. Honestly, exactly how I envisioned the evening. He came home that evening and I had planted a box of Eggos in the freezer. Now the reason for this is he hates Eggos, but loves the movie Juno. I had told him a long time ago that I would want Eggos when we were pregnant due to the line "Your Eggo is Preggo homeskillet."

After we sat down for supper I asked if he would mind getting me a drink. He of course said yes and walked to the fridge. I told him that I had stored something in the freezer that I wanted to drink. (best I could do) When he looked in the freezer he stopped, turned and looked at me and said "are you serious" well naturally I lost it and he came over and we hugged and I tried to stop shaking. He was so excited and had the same smile on his face that he did when he asked me to marry him.

After we absorbed the news, well not absorbed but rather settled. We had some supper and watched Americas Got Talent, our guilty pleasure show from the summer. It was beautiful and perfect.

So to reflect on that moment to where we are now is surreal. We still haven't fully absorbed the entire reality yet and likely will not until the baby is here. But today is an exciting day :)

One of Those Days

2009-10-26T19:36:00.000-07:00

So here is what I think happened. A small fairy came into our home and secretly and swiftly injected me with a large dose of hormones.

Why do I think this happened? Well because I lost all control and rationale thought yesterday.

I am feeling MUCH better now. Whatever it was has worn off now along with incredible family and friends to talk me out of it, I have recovered. I'll be honest, this is not something that is new to me. I fully expected days like that, however, they suck when it happens.

A fun element to yesterday! We picked up our new stroller. My sister and I went to get it and managed to pretty easily put it together. I love the color even more than I had thought I would. I really think it will work beautifully for a girl or boy, which was really important. Above we have a picture that documents the maiden voyage of the stroller. Zeppelin was very impressed with the ride and thought it was incredibly smooth.

Well tomorrow we hit a big milestone. We are officially halfway, 5 Months, or 20 Weeks. Whichever you like best. But overall it is incredible. My body sure feels like I am carrying a baby, while I still have blissfully avoided the bathroom trips at night, I am trying to come to terms with some of the blemishes, and some aches and pains in my joints. But again I will say, nothing has been more worth the minor discomfort. Even the increasing kick strength is a blessing for which I am incredibly grateful.

Meeting The Doctor

2009-10-22T16:06:00.000-07:00

Just got back from the OBgyn meet and greet. Pretty awesome. We are feeling really encouraged right now. He seems like a really friendly and nice guy.

First things first though. I had to pee in a cup....which whatever. The receptionist asked if I thought I could pee. I replied, "Oh ya." Apparently a little premature, cause one of those things I am realizing about pregnancy peeing, sometimes you feel like argghh! I have to pee....and nothing comes out. This happened, so after I had boasted all about how well I could pee in that cup, I was less successful than I had hoped. Sad really.

Anyways, after that we sat for a little while and waited. We were called back, the nurse complimented me on my excellent blood pressure (at least I did something well!) and then we waited for just a minute longer. Our doctor came in and was right off the bat very friendly. He asked a few routine questions, wanted to know what we each did for work. I decided I should mention to him my history of Rheumatic Fever and Sydenhams Chorea. To my great surprise, he knew exactly what I was talking about. Sydenham's is a rare thing and not many doctors (in my experience) have seen a case before. Well he has, and actually diagnosed a lady just this year. Now this may seem trivial but to me, this is huge. I was suddenly overwhelmed with a sense of God's ultimate direction and control. I know now that if this disease rears it's ugly head to me again during the pregnancy or after, I have a doctor that will be able to pick up on it quickly.

I also decided to ask about the H1N1 vaccine. A question I figured he had been asked a million times, but if I was going to ask anyone, it made sense to ask him. He said it was up to us, but in recent months he has had two woman one with regular flu one with H1N1 become extremely ill. He said you really only have to see one case like that to make a person think everyone should get vaccinated. He is getting it along with his wife and son, so I think I feel more resolve in my decision. I have asked a number of people a trust and respect in the medical field and I we are going to go ahead. I'll request the non - adjuvant form, but I think this is the right choice, for us. Praying we are right......being a parent is already hard!

Anyways, last part of our short appointment, the doppler. I love seeing that thing. Henry and I adore hearing our child's heartbeat. When we can hear it. He also, just like at the appointment last week, had a bit of trouble locking onto a heartbeat. He laughs and says he's moving a lot! I think there's a party in there! I think Tigger was an appropriate nickname for now....lots of bouncing going on :)

Finally, today and yesterday were a little tough. Last night I had what I can only describe as a boardline migrane. Not fun, but Henry took such wonderful care of me. We went to bed early, he rubbed my head and got me a cold cloth. Eventually, after the neighbours came home and their dog stopped barking, I was able to fall asleep. Today my knee has been acting up....a little bizzare, my knee doesn't normally do that to me. So while working today I had a scalding hot water bottle on it to give me some relief. Needless to say, I skipped my workout today, but I am praying it lightens up soon or goes away. Not trying to complain, just uncomfortable. But I suppose I should get used to that! Any suggestions are welcome however :)

19 Weeks ....

2009-10-21T14:33:00.000-07:00

I have a headache and can't come up with a clever title :P Sorry about that!

Anyhoo, we are 19 weeks today! The halfway mark is right around the corner. Pretty exciting. The food comparison is a Large Heirloom Tomato, which I have found perplexing. In my head I thought that a Tomato was smaller than Bell Pepper. Whatever the size, this little munchkin is really starting to make their presence known.

Sleeping is still okay, I've had to stuff a pillow under my belly to give me enough relief to get to sleep but I can stay asleep. And by the grace of God I have not been up in the middle of the night to pee yet. Soooo grateful for this, I'll take it as long as I can! I think Henry will too, since I always wake him up when I get up in the night.

The growth that is happening is doing a number on my muscles. The Round Ligament pain is definitely there and my joints are getting a wee bit achy, which could be from pregnancy and added weight, but also would not be helped by the fact that I sit all day for my job. But Credenda is really excited about promoting healthy living for their staff. This means I have been able to get on track with my exercise which is exciting. It definitely feels good to stretch out and feel active when I can.

Also the kicks are getting so much stronger! I love it. Henry can't feel it quite yet, but soon I think based on how much stronger they feel. He is definitely excited for that :)

Finally, tomorrow we get to go for our Meet and Greet with our OBgyn. We are very excited. We have heard only great things about him so that automatically gives us a sense of confidence in him. We were actually told an incredible story by a friend who told us that our doctor saved her life! Ya I think I'll trusting this doctor :) As well, we have our ultrasound booked for mid November...I can't remember if I have mentioned that yet, but oh well :)

Member Number One of Our Soccer Team

2009-10-19T07:11:00.000-07:00

So we finally have a new picture to share :) I'm at 18 and a 1/2 weeks and have a lovely belly to show for it.

I had another doctors appointment last week. I brought my sister along to hear the heartbeat. It was definitely a good one to come for. My doctor did the routine measuring, and blood pressure checks. Then my favorite part, the Doppler to listen to our babies heartbeat. This time he found it but it kept getting muffled. I didn't pay much attention to that at first, Bailey and I were more interested in the fact that the heartbeat was there. My doctor then asked if I could feel that. I asked what he meant, I said I could feel a little movement but nothing too different. He then told me every time the Doppler muffled our babe was kicking up a storm. He laughed as he struggled to keep the consistent rhythm, "this kid is kicking you like crazy".

"Well it's definitely Henry's kid" Great appointment. We were also suppose to go to meet our OBgyn, but that appointment was moved to this week. We also have the ultrasound scheduled for early November. That we are thrilled about. Henry is soooo excited about that, I am soooo excited for that as well. I cannot wait to see our baby :) We are a little back and forth about whether to find out the gender or not. We have talked a lot about this issue and it's just one of those things we need to figure out for ourselves. We kind of think it will be one of those things we decide on the day of, which we are okay with. I'll be sure to share that photo though as soon as we get that one.

I've been quite lucky so far with this pregnancy, no complications, outside of three months of brutal nausea it's been pretty good. I even have some how miraculously avoided the bathroom trips in the middle of the night. I'll hang on to that one as long as I can! But I can tell my baby is getting slowly bigger. I'm winded easily, and if I get up too fast I have a sharp pain apparently called 'Round Ligament Pain'. It comes from the ligaments stretching as the baby grows. However, I am enjoying every minute of this pregnancy and I'll happily take these experiences.

Bell Peppers and The Flu Shot

2009-10-14T09:06:00.000-07:00

18 Weeks! Man alive, we are so close to that halfway point! I told Henry when we do hit 20 weeks we should go out and celebrate with a drink. Clearly I'm joking :) But it seems like a big milestone.
In my email today, I found out the baby is the length of a Bell Pepper (5 1/2 inches and 7 1/2 ounces) So small but seems huge compared to the Poppy Seed they were when we first found out.

I have definitely be feeling little flutters and bubble pops. It's really neat, doesn't feel that abnormal but it's knowing that our baby is kicking and squirming away that makes it unbelievable. We watched 18 and Counting last night after class. It was the new episode that had the birth of the Duggar grandbaby. First I was shocked that a family that doesn't show their belly during the on screen ultrasound would allow such a thing, and second I was moderately petrified about the whole labor thing lol. I'll be honest, the hormones gave me a minor panic attack over the weekend. We drove past the hospital on our way home from our friends and I completely melted. I went from laughing and joking to sobbing. Henry was surprised to say the least, but incredibly supportive. Well, within five minutes I was completely fine. Hurray for hormones, but clearly I'm a little nervous about the whole thing. But I don't think I need to worry too much yet ;)

Today I have to go get my Flu Shot. It took some time to figure out what I wanted to do in this area. It's a little tricky I think. You spend so much time monitoring everything that you ingest and then you go and get stuck with something that has heaven knows what in it. On the other hand, everyday you are hearing how at risk pregnant women are and you start to wonder. But after a lot of research and chatting with people I trust I have decided that this is the best choice. I just wish it didn't look like Christmas outside at the time.

In an unrelated note, the Oilers won their last game :) Makes this pregnant lady happy!

A Weekend of Thanksgiving

2009-10-13T08:37:00.000-07:00

A belated Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!

Well we had a busy weekend filled with friends, family and food :) Saturday night was the Duiker Family Thanksgiving. My sister in law, her hubby and her pup were here for a the meal on Saturday. Henry's aunt and cousins were also there to celebrate with us. We had a great time and some awesome food.

Sunday we had a great service at The Gate. I've already talked about how much I love going there so I won't go on and on :) But it's been such a blessing in our lives and we were certainly Thankful for our church family this weekend.

Sunday we were also invited to a friends parents home for their Thanksgiving dinner. It was very sweet and we really enjoyed our time there. It was a lot of fun to catch up with our friends and their family, plus the food was crazy good. I think I have doubled in size just from all the food :)

I truly love Thanksgiving. I think it's so important to always be mindful of our blessing. Henry and I have so much to be thankful for. We have a beautiful home together, we have each other, we have an amazing family that loves and cares about us, we have incredible friends, we have food in our pantry, we have a baby on the way that we already love deeply, we have the means to provide for our baby.....I could go on but I am sure you get the point. We are very grateful and we try at every opportunity to share the blessings that we have.

Now on to something much more trivial :) I have been very inspired by a friends new workout plan. As well, my sister is doing an incredible job with her regime. And in turn I have realized that I have completely fallen off the wagon with my workouts. Obviously things have changed as a result of the pregnancy but I certainly understand the benefits of exercise during a pregnancy. I also know if I don't get back on this wagon, any attempts at workouts post pregnancy are going to be impossible. So, this is the week.....I have a treadmill and the WiiFit.....I have the means, I just need to take the first step and continue stepping :) I'll let you know how that goes!

Tomorrow I hit the 18 week mark. I'm really looking forward to the fruit/veg comparison. Look forward to an extra post tomorrow!

The Things They Don't Tell You

2009-10-08T07:30:00.000-07:00

So I have reached the 17 week. Henry was shocked when I told him, it really is going by so quickly. So think that I'll be halfway by the end of the month is sort of crazy!

One of my dearest friends had warned me of a number of pregnancy symptoms that you don't always here about. She sent me a stocked pregnancy survival kit with a bunch of essentials like chocolate, candy, lip balm, the book 'Belly Laughs' by Jennie McCarthy (so funny by the way), and Preperation H with a note that says, I won't explain now but call me when you need it!

One thing she warned me about and I hoped I could get away from was the lack of a Pregnancy Glow. Sadly this has been my fate. I hear and see these women with amazing skin during the whole of their pregnancy, me however, have been struck with some kind of adult onset acne. It is awesome. It really could be worse, but its one of those things that can eat at your self esteem. On the other hand, I do have this belly bump that I am completely in love with.

I am excited about next week, I have my first appointment with my OBgyn. It's a meet and greet, since I won't see him again until around 30 weeks. I also see my family doctor in the morning, so it will be a long day :) But I am very much looking forward to it.

This weekend is Thanksgiving, which I love! I really love most holidays. I'm a bit of a sucker that way. We are getting together with Henry's family on Saturday. It's going to be a big get together for our family at least :) Looking forward to it!

Learning Patience

2009-10-06T07:33:00.000-07:00

Well those in my family who know me well, know that I am not an extremely patient person. Not to say that I was one of those kids who deliberately searched for Christmas and Birthday presents before hand. I actually accidentally found a receipt from my Christmas present from Henry and I called him at work bawling! I was so devastated that I had ruined the surprise. So when I say I am not a patient person that's not the way that I mean it. What I mean is waiting for certain things are really tricky for me. I have yet to wait until the appropriate day to give Henry his presents and we have been together almost four years now.

I say all this because I think God is teaching me patient through this pregnancy. Whether I like it or not, this baby is coming 6 months from now and in their own time. As a parent this is what I want, any sooner wouldn't be healthy or in the plan. As Ashley, this is at times incredibly difficult. At the same time, as I have mentioned before, this whole experience is flying by. At the end of this month I am already at the halfway point! It's insanity!

What is the point of all this? I'm not entirely sure yet, but I am learning that somethings are worth waiting for. This is not the first time I have learned this lesson. I waited 21 years to meet my husband, it has been the greatest choice I have made. I think patience will be a virtue I am continually working on and learning, but in life I think a person needs to always be learning.

As for other things going on :) We bought a Baby Book and started filling out the things that we could. It was actually a lot of fun to do and then to look through what milestones we get to look forward to was exciting. We also found a pack n play play yard. We set it up once we got it home to see if we could figure it out. We did and it looks great. I stood there thinking, whoa.... :)

Oh on a sad note, the Oilers game I was so excited about ended tragically. We had finally tied it up and were just running the clock to either score a winning goal or get us to over time and .....sigh ..... the goalie came out to clear a puck and some Flame managed to chip it into the empty net. Not cool. However, it was just the first game and we get a rematch on Thursday.....I feel a cold coming on that will require me to cancel class......cough cough

Out of the whole thing, I realized why I really like Pat Quinn, what a classy classy guy. I'de also like to know what kind of gum he chews cause it clearly holds up (unless he switches them out....not that theres anything wrong with that :)

The Good Things

2009-10-03T08:41:00.000-07:00

Last night we went to a Couple Night put on through The Gate. We had such a great time! We are really excited about the new friendships that we are creating. I felt bad however, my body shut down around 9:00pm and I must have seemed stand offish. The truth was that I was sleeping....with my eyes open :) Everyone was so nice and we really felt welcome. You know sometimes you can walk into a new group of people that all have long standing connections and you can feel like an outsider. Not here :) I got some great advice on baby stuff, which I am always happy to get! I got some amazing help on the Cloth Diaper front. I think we are sold on the BumGenius 3.0 system. They are a one size fits all format, which means we don't have to buy a butt load of the same in different sizes, which I imagine gets expensive. So thanks Kindra!

Tonight is the season opener for the Oilers! Can't wait! Over the years I have really started to enjoy hockey even more. I really started getting more into hockey in College. I would watch the games with my roommates John and Mitchell. They humored me and answered all my random questions. So when Henry and I started dating and I found out he was a huge Oilers fan I was stoked. I started watching even more and asking even more random questions. I realized the other day that all my opinions regarding the teams and players come directly from Henry, I don't have my own opinons but I feel very strongly about the ones Henry has. Just call me a sheep.....I'm totally fine with it. I have a great idea for a radio show. I think that people would gladly pay to hear what I have to say during the hockey games. Comments like, "Henry do you suppose Hockey Players wives are less attracted to them after the games on account of the nasty swass?". I've got lots of quality comments like that. This idea is money!

Anyways, I'm not a complete idiot I understand the rules and have most of the players names down, but I'm a blonde at heart and mind :)

So things are going well, I am hoping next week slows down a little for me. I am finally caught up on work stuff. Just in time to start on the other stuff I need to be overwhelmed by :P In reality, I am feeling very blessed today in so many ways. I am trying to take more time to reflect on my blessings and thank the one who has granted them to me.

I read Romans 5 the other morning and I felt encouraged by its words. Through the tough times God grants us strength and growth of character. Here's hoping :)

On the Edge of Week 16

2009-09-29T07:13:00.000-07:00

There was a point in this pregnancy when the weeks couldn't fly by fast enough. When every piece of information you get tells you that you cannot be confident and comfortable in your pregnancy until you reach a magic number, you are very eager to enter the Second Trimester. I am thankful every day for each day my pregnancy continues without a hitch.

Now I am in awe of how quickly time is speeding by, and I have realized how quickly time goes by in general. I mentioned to Henry the other night, that the infant stage of our baby is not going to last long and I hope we can be present enough to enjoy it (or at least stay awake :)

My belly is growing and I am overjoyed! Henry said the most beautiful thing to me yesterday, I was walking to the kitchen to put some dishes away and he said, "You know you don't look pregnant from the back." Sometimes he knows exactly the right thing to say :) Whether it's true or not, it was incredibly sweet. And honestly, I am fully aware that I have more weight to gain, and if that means my baby is healthy, bring it on. (I'm sure I'll regret that one in a year!) But my little bump is wonderful, I cannot wait to start feeling the little movements.....oh gosh...I could cry thinking about it! But right now I could cry about anything. I looked at Zeppelin who was sleeping so perfectly last night and welled up lol

For my mom the fruit comparison this week is.................an Avacado!

And finally (can you tell I'm avoiding work a little :S) we are looking into Cloth Diapering pretty seriously. I've gotten some amazing advice from friends and I think I am getting a handle on the idea. This weekend I was trying to do some research and was totally overwhelmed by the options. But after chatting in the Nursery I got some great advice and a great lead on a brand that I think I'm really interested in trying out. So I will keep you updated on how this one goes :) Personally, I think it's worth it to avoid dumping a mountain of non biodegradable garbage in the dumps. I rather enjoy nature and would love it if our babes was able to enjoy it outside of books.

From Lemon to Apple

2009-09-22T13:45:00.000-07:00

Well tomorrow is officially the start of 15 weeks...hey O!

I snuck a peak at the size comparison for 15 weeks and we have graduated from Lemon to the size of an Apple. It's surprising as my tummy looks like it's got something closer to a bushel of apples....well not really...but you see what I mean. My mom, ever delicate says I look like I just need to have a good toot and I'll go right back down. Nice.

My sister and I decided to start registering for stuff on babiesrus. She said it wasn't too early and I thought it would be fun to slowly start picking out stuff. I'm finding if I try and look at everything we need all at once I get a little overwhelmed. So the gradual method is awesome. Plus Henry and I decided to get one big ticket item a month, spread out the costs and so on. I think it'll be fun to start picking those things out.

We also are thinking about doing the nursery with a Dr. Seuss theme. Henry seemed excited about it, so I hope I have him sold on the idea. I found this website that has a gorgeous example.

http://www.roomzaar.com/rate-my-space/Dr-Seuss-Themed-Nurser/detail.esi?oid=499846&cObjId=760600

Today was a long one. Work is crazy, and the babes was doing a number on my stomach. I woke up and told Henry that he needed to speak with his child. He didn't see why already anytime the baby caused trouble it was suddenly his baby. I just figure the bad behavior comes from him :)

That is all I have for now. I assume this incredibly dull, but there you have it :)

A Change of Plans

2009-09-21T09:41:00.001-07:00

For the very few number of people that followed our attempt at the p90x journey, the plans have changed.

I felt myself slowly falling off the wagon, I was so exhausted and the last time I was able to muster the energy to Kenpo, I thought I was going to pass out in the middle of the hour. I chalked it up to the end of my school year and the massive amount of marking and wrap up. I tried to supplement with my treadmill and that worked for quite sometime. Well after being over a week late and a phone call with my cousin (who told me if I didn't get a test she was going to come down and make me :) we found out we were expecting!

So, that means p90x is not a recommended exercise regiment for a pregnant lady. I figure as far as excuses go, this one is awesome! As well, as a result I thought I would start using this blog for documenting the pregnancy.

We are now at week 14, officially in the Second Trimester and so far for me, it's been true that you feel incredible compared to the all day sick and exhaustion that follows you for 3 months prior. Last Thursday we went for our second Prenatal exam and we finally got to hear the heartbeat.

I don't know if I will ever hear a more beautiful sound. I wish I had recorded it to put on my iPod and just listen to it over an over.

Well that's all for now :)