12 Weeks Old

Well Zoey is 12 weeks old today which is in some circles 3 months old. However, I will wait until the 29th to officially start saying she is 3 months. It's a big milestone I think. Once they hit that 3 month mark they aren't really newborns anymore. They move into a new clothing category, a new size in diapers are just around the corner, and she is big enough to sit in a Bumbo! Yes we finally have the Bumbo. Her neck strength is great and she loves to sit a look around. It's been amazing seeing her get stronger everyday and watching her develop. Auntie Dawn loves seeing how she recognizes mom and dads voices and smiles when she sees us. I think its fantastic too. There is a deep joy that comes from knowing your child knows you and is comforted by you. I feel badly when she cries when some else is holding her but secretly I love that when I take her or Henry takes her she'll nussle in to us and breaths a sigh of content. My sweet girl has the most heartbreaking and sweet pout. It's a frown that takes over her entire face. Her tears roll down her face and it breaks your heart. On Friday she desperately needed a nap so we put in her crib to sleep and figured she needed to cry it out. Well she wasn't having any of that and after a half an hour Daddy went in to try and soothe her only to come back out of the nursery holding as she clung to his neck, cheeks wet with tears, and taking those quick deep breaths that come after a good cry.



Yesterday was Henry's first Father's Day and we spent it together as a family as well as with his dad and family. It was a good day. It's so important to me to make sure Henry always knows how amazing he is as a daddy and that Zoey knows how lucky and blessed she is to have such an amazing daddy. But something tells me she already knows :)

My Sweet JellyBean

My word, Zoey takes my breath away. She is so beautiful. I know it sounds cliche, but I fall in love with her a little more everyday. I look and her and I am still shocked she is here. How on earth did we make a baby, especially one so amazing?

She is 10 weeks old and growing like a weed as they say :) She holds her head up so well now that I think we need to go ahead and get her a Bumbo seat. She wants to be sitting up all the time now. Even in her car seat she will be trying to lean forward. It's too funny. We will put her on our laps and hold her hands while she pulls herself into a sitting position. Once she is there she grins and grins and looks all around. She can see a lot better which we know as she can spot Henry or myself from across the room. That goofy little grin is heart stopping. She has also started to find her voice. It's fantastic. She squeals and coos all the time now. I will actually call Henry at work to get him to listen to her. He'll talk back and she'll light up and coo right back.

She is slowly starting to get used to sleeping in her crib during the daytime which is really nice. It's a little bizarre as she sleeps like a dream at night in her crib. Has from the beginning. You can put her back to bed in the middle of the night, wide awake, and she will go right to sleep. So we are working on having consistent nap times in her crib. This week she has had a couple good naps, and a couple less good ones, but I feel like we are getting there! I'm finding it more successful after we go for a walk. I think it wears her out a little more.

We are also reading a lot more to her. We will prop her up on our lap facing the book and she stares at the pictures and kicks and coos. We are branching out a little more from the Dr. Seuss (even though she still LOVES him). We have some early readers, Little Critters, and Robert Munsch. It's awesome bonding time for all of us, plus I love the idea of raise a reader. I am so excited to share all the books I have grown to love over the years.




I've also be continuing to reflect back on the first week with Zoey. It was probably one of the hardest weeks I've ever been through for a number of reasons. We were so sleep deprived as we were in the hospital for two days and I slept about an hour the entire time we were there. She took to breastfeeding really well but it was incredibly painful for the first week with engorgement, cracks and blisters, and mastitis. It was also hard since she was feeding for over an hour at a time and then would need to eat about a half an hour after finishing. It's shocking to a first time mom how much and how often a baby needs to eat. It's completely exhausting. I told Henry that I one hundred percent understood why moms choose to bottle feed. Your body does not feel like your own for those first few days. I was in a lot of pain and discomfort, tired, my tummy was squishy and unrecognizable with the few stretch marks that showed up in the last two weeks of pregnancy. I feel like I've been reflecting as I realize how far we have come in the last 10 weeks. I've also been battling a looming sense of guilt about the struggles of the first weeks. I think it comes from the expectations women especially place on themselves. I had friends speak to me honestly about how normal these experiences really are so I know that I am not alone and I have been so grateful for that. It really is one of the major things that keeps me from being too hard on myself. But I do know that no matter how hard it was, I have loved her unconditionally from the moment I looked at those two pink lines nearly a year ago. No matter the struggles in the beginning we have come out the other end intact and thriving, and that is what truly matters.

Round One

It's been an eventful couple days! Zoey has gained some new skills and had a bit of trauma to deal with.

On Saturday as part of an anniversary gift from Henry, I went to get my hair done. It was so wonderful to get a chance to freshen up. Something as simple as highlights can mean a lot to a new mom. It was quite the adventure as well as Zoey had a lot of trouble taking a bottle so leaving for over two hours meant Henry quite possibly faced a very unhappy and hungry little girl. However, when I got home I was shocked to see Zoey sleeping on Henry's chest. He smiled and said, "She just finished her bottle". We were over the moon! Her ability to take a bottle means so much to us. It means traveling is a little more plausible, it means we don't have to run out of church the second the say Amen, it means that we can go out for a meal and have a babysitter. I was worried it was just a fluke, but she took another one that evening and has continued to do so for the last few days. We are so excited!

The other adventure we have involved her first round of vaccinations. I was nervous but while Henry offered to come with me, I decided I would be strong for Zoey. It was incredibly tough for me. She had the three needles and by the third she had enough. She looked so horrified that I was letting that happen to her. I broke my heart. I managed to hold it together but I'm not going to lie, it wasn't easy. She's been a little cranky since but other than a little fussiness and a need to be cuddled, she's done really well. I'm not looking forward to the next round but we will deal with that one when we get to it.

I've been really frustrated with what I'd call a witch hunt for women who bottle-feed their babies. I was feeding Zoey a bottle in the waiting room after her shots and I was shocked by the number of dirty looks I got from people walking by. It was breast milk so people had no need to worry, but honestly, what if it was formula. Some people seem to act like formula fed babies are being fed poison! I have so many friends who for various reasons were unable to breastfeed, and honestly, if it's not what a mom is able to do, no one has the right to judge that.



Motherhood is amazing and every day I find more things that I love about my daughter. If I've had a rough day or a stressful moment, she smiles at me and I melt. I see Henry holding her and knowing that this little girl has him wrapped around her tiny finger. Even the nights where I can barely keep my eyes open I am amazed by her. She is precious and we love her so completely and unconditionally.

Zoey and Daddy

Just thought I would post a video of Zoey smiling at Henry. Sorry about the noise in the background. We were watching a movie and she started so I grabbed the camera and didn't think to turn it off!

Enjoy :)

8 Weeks Old

I can't believe how fast time has gone by! It's funny how fast it does seem to go by, especially considering when your in the thick of it, you feel like you'll never sleep again. As our pastor so eloquently put it, it feels like your at the bottom of a well and you'll never see the light of day again. But as everyday goes by and weeks go by you start to see glimmers of light again. That's been our experience. Having a baby is tough, it's the hardest thing we've ever done, but it gets a little easier each day for us. It also helps that she is so worth the effort and sleepless nights.

As far as sleep goes we are finally moving from the 2 - 2 1/2 hours between night feedings and she is starting to sleep for 4 - 5 hours at a time. It's amazing. The first night she did that Henry went to get her, I started feeding and then we looked at each other and looked at the clock and looked at each other again. We were in shock and it sure felt good to sleep that long again!

One thing that Henry and I both have been experiencing (less so as time goes on) are these moments of almost night terrors. One of us (usually me) will bolt up in bed and start looking for Zoey. I will have completely forgotten that she is safe and sound in her crib and I'll think I've fallen asleep while holding her and she's fallen off the bed or some horrific thing. Just awful. Like I said, it's happening less and less. I think this is just part of being a parent, she has been placed in our care and we both take that role incredibly seriously.



Something that has been amazing is her smiles. She is at that stage where she is flashing her gummy smile all the time. It is the most amazing thing. I know a lot of it is her mimicking us when we smile at her, but honestly it is the most precious thing no matter the reason. A good friend of ours got a chance to see her in full grin mode and just laughed. "Henry you're screwed" he said. He's right, Henry is already fully wrapped around her little finger. He is loving reading to her and interacting with her more. It's incredibly precious.

Zoey is such a sweet little girl and we cannot wait to see what else she has in store for us. I'm sure it's going to be quite the ride in the Duiker household!

Falling In Love

Who couldn't fall in love with that face! We have been trying very hard to capture one of her mega watt smiles in the past few weeks but this is the only picture we have so far. Since this picture was taken a few weeks ago, her smile has matured and comes a lot more often. Yesterday while changing her diaper she grinned so big her gums were showing. It was so unbelievably cute. I starting calling out for Henry, "Hurry! Bring your phone!" He ran in held up the phone and she immediately stopped. I think what is happening is she is looking at the camera and is distracted. Soon we will get one :)

Things have been going well. She is a happy little girl and her colic is definitely disappearing. However, that in no way means she doesn't get fussy. She is an infant and infants get fussy, overtired, and hungry. We are struggling to get her to take a bottle. She took one once when she was two weeks old out of necessity. My milk supply dried up one night and by the time we figured out what was going on the poor thing was so hungry she finally gave in. Now she is 7 weeks old and hates taking a bottle. We've tried different bottles, breastmilk and formula, and having Henry try feeding her. No luck so far. It's heartbreaking. Henry has tried for over an hour at a time and the poor thing just cries the entire time. We would love her to be able to eat with a bottle to allow us to get out together and to give Henry an opportunity to feed her as well and develop that bond more.

We are looking forward to the long weekend! We've realized that we've been a little disconnected from each other with life getting in the way. It's really easy to get so busy and distracted, surprisingly easy. So we are excited to take some time this weekend getting outside and reconnecting as a family.

Vaccinations are coming up :S I'll have to post that adventure when that happens!

Little Girl Growing Up

Zoey Faith is 6 weeks old today. It's unbelievable how fast the time goes by. I was looking at the pictures from when she was born and I am in awe of how quickly she has grown already. She is still my tiny precious little girl but can see the growth already.

She gets stronger by the day. This weekend we really noticed it. She hates tummy time but when we lay her on our stomachs or chests she will stretch and hold her head right up and stare at everything around her. Her eyes get big and wide like she is trying desperately to take the whole world in at once. I realized that almost everything is new to her. Imagine what that is like to be amazed and curious about everything. I think I need to look at life that way. I suppose that is what they mean by a 'child like wonder'.

Her colic seemed to disappear entirely over the weekend which was amazing and a blessing especially for Henry. Her bouts of the colic seemed to land right when he gets home from work so it was great for him to have time with her where she wasn't fussy and screaming. She is very cute when she is not screaming, but I have found her to be precious no matter her mood. It mostly just breaks my heart to see the tears rolling down her face and feeling like I can't fix it. I think that is something to get used to, I imagine it only gets worse as she gets older.

It seems that when the colic goes away, the sleep gets less at night. Or at least that seemed to be the case this weekend. Last night she went from 3 hour intervals to 1 hour intervals. Needless to say we are very tired but I am feeling surprisingly okay. Her sleep patterns are going to jump around probably for the next year. Just need to get used to that!



Yesterday was my first mother's day and I felt very blessed and special. What a privilege to share this day with so many amazing moms!

Baby girl is hungry now :) So it is time to sign off!