An Expression Of Gratitude...

Sy is 11 months old now and inevitably I find myself reflecting on his birth and all that was involved. I've tried for 11 months to find a way to express my immeasurable gratitude to the EMS and Firefighters who showed up so swiftly to deliver our precious boy. Time has buffered my memory of the events that led to Sy's birth but there are a few things that I remember vividly. 

I remember the moment I realized he was coming and that we no longer had the time to get to the hospital. While I recall a significant measure of calm, there was absolutely a fear of what was happening. As we waited, I told Henry I was afraid, the birth of our child was not supposed to happen like this. However in the midst of the fear of the unknown, I did know that EMS was incredibly close and they would be able to be at our home in a matter of minutes. 

I pass by the station nearly every time

I leave our house, and everytime I look at the building with a swell of gratitude. Each time I see an ambulance or fire truck I feel appreciation. They arrived so quickly once we called and were unbelievably calm. I know God had his hand over the situation when he placed the specific members on call that night. There was an incredible level of experience, professionalism, and compassion brought by each individual. Sylas's birth was uncomplicated and he was healthy, even if it was unexpected. After his arrival everyone was joyful, laughing, and happy. While I was exhausted they talked happily to me and truly listened to my requests. They gave me the time I needed to catch my breath and actually hold my new baby boy, something I wasn't able to experience right away after Zoey was born. Second deliveries seem to be somewhat easier for most women, but the differences between Zoey's delivery and Sy's are vastly different in more ways than the location. I felt better and oddly enough, in greater control. I know there are a lot of potential reasons for this, but one of the most significant being the care we received.

We are well aware of the blessing of a healthy delivery given the circumstances. An unprepared unexpected home birth could have ended with a far unhappier result, but I know that the team of emergency responders were equipped to handle the situation. 

I was told a little while after Sy's birth that I should get the hospital to pay the ambulance charges since the events occurred after I was sent home. However  I felt glad to pay such a small price for a service I deeply appreciated. My mom brought a gift to the station a few months later and we were both surprised at the irregularlity with which they receive thank you's. They were actually suspicious at first upon hearing we hoped to contact the chief, apparently it happens more often for complaints. So in the month to come I am hoping to find a way to express our immense gratitude for their swift response and the incredible care they gave each of us. I suppose until then, this will have to do.

What's In A Name...

When are you due? Do you know the gender? Do you have any names picked out?

These three questions are I would say top the list of questions asked of every pregnant lady I know. I know I heard them often during my pregnancies and I definitely have asked them myself. I suppose it's a mix of genuine curiosity while not being super personal questions which makes them safe. I've been thinking a lot about names lately and how we chose them for our children. We have a number of close friends/family expecting right now or who have recently had babies and names come up a fair bit. It's interesting to talk to others to find out how they picked names for their children, and what they found important. 

For both pregnancies we kept our name choices to ourselves. It's hard to say why exactly, but I suppose it was fun to keep something just between us. We knew Zoey was a girl so perhaps it was nice to also have that surprise left for others. There was also always the chance we might change our minds so not telling others meant not fielding the question, "Wait I thought her name was..."

I always find it fascinating to discuss with others what was important in choosing a name for some it's the sound of it, the meaning, originality, etc.

Zoey means Life in Greek and that resonated with us. We felt that was a fitting and powerful meaning to give her. A friend shared something that has stuck with me, she said that giving a blessing as a name means everyone who speaks their name is automatically speaking blessing into their life. The meaning of Zoey's name solidified the choice for us, but admittedly initially choosing her name was less profound. I've always been a fan of the actress Zooey Deschanel and what appears to be a spunky and warm indivual. Even though we changed the spelling (I still really do like the double 'o') to us it captures a spirited little girl with a huge heart and I think it will carry on for her as an adult. So far she has owned her name and made it her own.

Sy or Sylas we had picked since we were first married. Initially we wanted his name to be just Sy. We knew someone who's name as far as we knew was just Sy and we both thought it was original and he was a really easy going and confident guy, some of the characteristics we hoped our son would have. As we matured further in our faith we liked the idea of a Biblical name for him as well so we decided to expand the name to Sylas (Silas). Silas in the Bible showed great faith and trust in God and we pray daily that both our children can live their lives like that. Even though Sylas means something along the lines of Wood Worker we think the Biblical meaning is strong and we think he already suits his full name and nickname very well. He comes across with a bold personality and people comment regularly on his smile and cheerful disposition. 

Middle names for Henry and I, was a place to add names with strong meaning and use names that perhaps we wouldn't have used as a first name. Zoey's middle name is Faith and Sy's is Josiah. It's tricky to find names with meaning that also work well together with the first and last name. Faith we felt was something we want for Zoey, we've had to have faith from the very beginning as we started our journey into parenthood. Our faith in God the only thing that keeps us a float and we wanted Zoey to have a reminder of that. Josiah was a king during Biblical times and we really liked the name itself but also we loved a name that carried a history of faithfulness as well. Since he became king at the age of eight, only faith and full reliance on God would allow for success. 

There was a lot that went into the names we chose for our children. It's a big job choosing a name your child will grow up with and the goals for everyone are different and can change once you meet your child. But these are a few of our reasons we chose your names Zoey and Sylas, we hope they bless you.

Catching Up With Sy...

I've failed at keeping up with updates on our life in general, nevermind specific updates on Sy. If I look back I was fairly consistent with monthly updates for Zoey. I suppose that's second child

Syndrome, but in my defence both of my children's baby books are up to date. So there is that at the very least. 

What's new and exciting for Sylas Josiah? Well he is six months old already!! It's cliqued to say, but mercy what happened, it's only a couple weeks ago that I was snuggling my brand new baby in the back of an ambulance. The fears I had before he was born about how to manage two children, logically and emotionally seem like distant memories. Life before him seems to never have existed, he fits so perfectly into our lives and family. He's so different from his sister, yet they are showing some strong similarities. Sy has been praised for his lack of shyness (another post for another day) which is true, he is more comfortable around others than Zoey was or is generally. However, he still shows he is most comfortable with familiar family and friends. He would automatically flash a smile at anyone who approached us but lately he is more inquisitive and takes in his surroundings first. But that mega watt smile is right around the corner. Added to his smile as of July 11th is his first tooth! He's been a trooper as two of them push their way up, but as the first cut its way through he woke up screaming in the night. Once it popped through he slept content the rest of the night. There is one more ready to come through in the next day or two and then hopefully he gets a break after that!

Summer has been a month of firsts for Sy, he's had his first solid food, began siting up on his own, along with his first tooth. 

We don't think it will be long before Sy's crawling around. He's rolling all over and is just starting to army crawl to toys just out of reach, particularly his sisters toys that she has moved purposefully out of his reach.

Zoey and Sy are really starting to interact.

He looooves his big sister and she loves him (as long as he leaves her toys alone).

Zoey went for a play date with her Auntie and as we drove away after dropping her off he whimpered and stared at her empty carseat the whole way home. Any time she looks at him he has a special grin just for her. If he's sad Zoey makes funny faces for him and 9 times out of 10 it cheers him up.

I love that they have a special relationship already. I know for a fact they will drive each other bonkers but our prayer for them is that they will have a relationship of love, respect, and a shared appreciation of their crazy parents. I'm grateful that they will always have each other. I may be biased but I think they both lucked out with the siblings they have.

My Love Letter...

I once told Henry that I planned to tuck a letter away in a specific place for him to find in case something ever happened to me. I know, strange, but this is sometimes how my mind works. The worst part is, that I told him this years ago and currently there is still no letter hidden away. We were talking about this on the way back from Calgary last weekend and I confessed to him that as comfortable and adept I feel with words, there seems to be no way for me to contain all the best parts of our life as a couple and with our babies in one letter. It seems I've tried for many years however, we have a shoebox overflowing with letters from while we were dating, notes tucked into lunches, and cards from birthdays and anniversaries. I try to regularly leave notes for him around the house and we have a, 'I Love You Because...' board in our room that I try to change every other day or so (I haven't done so well lately babe, sorry about that!). Our conclusion at the end of the conversation was that right now maybe there isn't that one specific note that contains all the sentiments and love between us because that seems impossible. Instead we have that shoe box, emails, texts, and photos from 7 plus years together that do a much better job expressing it all. 

The same goes for Zoey and Sy, I may not have one single note right now for them that tells them how much I love them. There are a couple cards that I have stored away for them from special occasions but mostly I have this blog. This blog I started to keep track of some milestones during my pregnancy with Zoey and keep geographically distant family in the loop. It's turned into more than that. I hope that it can be helpful to Zoey and Sy when they have their own babies and wonder what we did in certain situations or at what point they hit different milestones. It may serve as a larger Baby Book for them with greater detail and images than they will find in the store bought form. 

I have realized that this blog serves an even bigger purpose now, it's my love letter to them. It hopefully tells them a bit more about me and who I am/was at these stages in their lives. Most importantly I hope it shows them that even in the stressful, sleep deprived, challenging moments that come with parenthood, they were unconditionally, completely, crazy loved. I would love for each of them to see a Mom who savours the best she can every moment, stage, and cuddle. A Mom who sometimes felt like she had no clue what she was doing but kept trying because they are so worth it. A Mom who is so proud of them every step of the way and who's heart swells when they grow and meet new challenges, even if it doesn't go the way they hope or plan. And parents who love God, each other, and them intensely and will fight ferociously to protect the integrity and unity of our family. 

There are so many ways to create a 'Love Letter' for the ones you love, we all have our methods and formats. My Mom kept journals for my sister and I and regularly left notes as well. I still have the handwritten book of verses she made for me when I graduated High School. Henry doesn't always write notes but instead we have our Coffee Dates here and there and quality time to talk and reconnect, an equal form of a 'Love Letter' to me. Finding out that someone has been praying for you because they love you or because they felt they should also shows love. We all have our own ways. 

I hope that for Zoey and Sy, that they can look back at this collection of memories, notes, pictures, and moments and be always be reminded of my deep love and commitment to them....but I pray they know that anyways and always :) 

Running...

Have you ever seen a 3 year old run? How often do you get to see someone run with such pure joy? A lot of us run for various reason and even because we love it but generally it's mixed with a purpose for fitness, health, mental sanity. These are all great reasons to run, and they are my own, but when I watch Zoey run it's like nothing else I've seen before. She puts her whole body into it and pumps her little legs and arms until she has nothing left and then 20 seconds later is ready to do it again. She loves to make a game out of it and squeals and laughs while racing beside us. There is something about that slightly unsteady gait of a three year old, my three year old, that makes me heart swell and usually helps me forget how tired I am.

When I'm running inside on my treadmill I enjoy the ability to do something active for myself, to stay healthy, and get the pesky remaining pregnancy pounds off. Lately, as I've prepped to start my run I've felt overwhelmed and exhausted even before I start. This is likely a symptom a lack of consistent sleep (although it could be worse so I won't complain) and keeping busy with the kiddos during the day. But the other day as I watched Zoey run in the park and squeal and giggle with joy I started to reflect on my attitude. I've been running as a practice in discipline to keep myself healthy and to continue to 'recover' post pregnancy. While these are good goals I've set for myself, I think there is more room to run with joy. 

We have felt swamped with activities and various commitments lately. Along with them Henry has been working long hours with the busy season at the shop. Along with a few long nights for Sy, we have felt a little like we are asleep on our feet. However, for the most part the activities are a part of are all things we desire to do and enjoy being a part of. Henry has been working incredibly hard, but he works for an employer who's family we consider a part of our own. And in return they treat us the same. In the midst of long sleepless nights with Sy he still reaches up with his little arms around my neck and snuggles in for comfort. Even on the rare occasion when Zoey wakes in the night she just needs a hug and kiss to assure her of her security. It can and is exhausting in the night waking every hour but when I can I try and savour the extra time and snuggles with my sweet babies. Coffee helps too. 

It's obviously easier said than done some days but I am trying to commit to living my blessed life with more of the joy that my Zoey has when she runs.

One Month, Two Kids...

I haven't been back to update the blog in a month, my apologies for neglecting this space. However, those who follow me on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter have been inundated with loads of pictures and the occasional update on our day to day lives. We've also been able to get together with a number of our friends since Sy has been born which has been so amazing. The second time around at parenthood has been amazing and our kids have been incredible. Zoey has taken to being a big sister better than I could have even hoped, she is completely in love with her baby brother and asks where he is first thing every morning. She runs to the nursery to 'help' change his diaper (it mostly consists of her jumping in the crib shouting, 'Stinky diapers!'), she also loves to snuggle up to him whenever she can and hold his hand and tickle his feet. She has grown so much in the past few weeks and matured in front of my eyes. Friends warned me that she would seem so much bigger to me once baby comes home, but I could never have expected how drastic that would be. As soon as I saw my baby girl, she was still my baby girl, but all of a sudden she felt so grown up, her hand seemed bigger and she was heavier when I picked her up. The change threw me for a loop the first week, but I've realized how positive these changes are. Zoey's vocabulary has stretched and developed even more, she's accepted the Big Sister role with enthusiasm. I'm not sure how much Zoey knew about the changes coming her way while I was pregnant but you wouldn't know it now. I'm so incredibly proud of her.

Sy is doing great. He's had some issues with Acid Reflux for the first few weeks, but we are hopefully it's easing off a little. He has some sensitivities to the foods I eat, and we haven't totally been able to narrow it down yet, but that has gotten a little easier lately as well. I'm excited for when I can have coffee again, but for now Hot Chocolate in the morning is filling the routine void. I did avoid coffee for most of my pregnancy so it's not a huge burden, but with less sleep now, it would be nice. Outside of those issues with his poor tummy, Sylas is an incredibly relaxed baby boy. We felt significantly more relaxed ourselves this time around. Even with his dramatic entry into the world, we've felt amazing. Family that visited in the hospital commented on the differences they saw in us. After Zoey was born we felt shell shocked and overwhelmed, physically my recovery was rough and I didn't sleep the entire 2 days in the hospital. Nursing should have gone a little smoother but I allowed myself to be bullied a bit by the nearly 15 different nurses that rotated through our room. I was also unaware that it is perfectly normal for nursing to hurt like a bugger for the first few days to weeks. I also didn't know that the creams they have for nursing moms are really helpful. So for us, armed with knowledge of the potential challenges and a shocking, yet incredibly peaceful birth, we've felt really great since Sy's been home.

I also have to acknowledge our incredible church family at The Gate Christian Fellowship. We were flooded with meals and offers to help. Even though I felt so much better this time around, I didn't have to cook a meal for a couple weeks. Friends brought meals for our freezer, brought hot meals to share with us, visit, and snuggle Sy. Some friends even gave us multiple meals and brought clothes they no longer needed, for Sy. We have felt so much love from our church family and I hope you all know how incredible you all are and how much we appreciate everything!

I hope to do a better job recording all of Sy's growth,changes, and milestones. I have avoided my computer like the plague since I've been on mat leave and loving spending my days snuggled up with my babies. However, I love looking back at posts from Zoey's first year and reminiscing and I hope to be able to do the same for Sy. Perhaps once we're getting a little more sleep!