A Merry Christmas, But No Christmas Baby...

39 Weeks

Zoey snuggled up on Christmas Evening

A change in expectations can really take the pressure off. I had my last check on Christmas Eve and for about a week we have all been waiting, thinking with the symptoms and constant Pre Labour I was having, that Roo could come any minute. I don't think there was anything wrong with that, but it sets you up for some pressure. I was wanting Roo to come while my Sister in Law was here for Christmas and early in Henry's Christmas holidays. After chatting with Henry early Christmas morning, we realized that we had put a lot of pressure on ourselves, and honestly, the one birth we've experience was 2 weeks after the Due Date. It's not to say that Roo couldn't surprise us and come this week, but the likely hood seems low at this stage. I reminded myself that I know how to go 2 weeks overdue and I'm really okay with that. Other than sore hips and rotating 3 outfits as my belly outgrows all my clothes, I can't complain too much. With this new perspective, we have a plan in place that ensures Henry has enough time off after Roo is born and until then we can relax and enjoy the family time that we have. I think the stress of the end of work and the unknown factor in planning for the Christmas Holidays was more than I had anticipated or expected. But we have some pretty incredible family and friends who are more than accommodating as we wait.

Setting up her own mini Christmas Tree

We had a great visit with Henry's sister and her husband, Henry's parents, and my Mom and sister. It was a fantastic Christmas and Zoey loved it all, and was completely exhausted by the excitement! She was, as usual, totally spoiled with thoughtful and generous gifts from family. She LOVED opening them this year, her little hands frantically searching for edges to tear. She was sweet enough to help open everyone's gifts this year. Henry and I decided this year to do a smaller Christmas (in regards to gifts) with me going on mat leave right away, etc we thought we would like to keep it more low key, which really has always been our goal. So we were excited to pick out a World Vision gift as a family and a few smaller things for each other. It was really nice doing things that way this year and I think regardless of our circumstances, that's how we want Christmas to look in our house with our children. Focuses on the reason for the season, Jesus.

So with a change in perspective in regards to Roo's arrival, I am far more relaxed and honestly expecting baby will come sometime in January and I am completely okay with that. My Christmas Eve appointment told me there was very little change despite the continuous Pre Labour contractions. But as I said before, I'm feeling pretty good, exhausted, but good. I know that once Roo is here, I'll feel exhausted in a whole different way.

We are so very appreciative of all the thoughts, prayers, and well wishes. Keep them coming and I'll be sure keep you posted!

38 Weeks....or 39...

37 Weeks

It depends on who you ask how far a long we are. My chart at the Dr's is going by the LMP, which apparently they almost always stick with regardless of Ultrasounds (I suppose for consistency). However, Henry and I, along with both Ultrasounds put the Due Date closer to the 23rd, which is right around the corner....um hello? Where did the last 9 months go?

I've been feeling pretty good lately, not much to complain about besides the typical aches and pains that come with the last days of pregnancy. I had another check up on Thursday and I was surprised when my Dr told me that all the cramping I've been having was actually doing something! My cervix is thinning which for me is something. I remember in the last month with Zoey, I was stuck at the same place for weeks. Since that appointment I've been having more contractions and a lot of pre labor symptoms. We're very curious what I'll find out at my Monday afternoon appointment. Who knows things could actually be happening. I suspect things could gear up a little after getting checked, but we are staying pretty relaxed either way. I did tell Henry yesterday though, that if Roo wants to stay put then the contractions can calm down anytime. It's a little exhausting after a few days.

Basement

I disappeared for a couple days as well last week after being hit with a ridiculous Cold/Flu. I hadn't felt that rough in a long time. My sweet husband stayed home from work on Friday to take care of Zoey for me since I could barely lift my head off the pillow. It took me nearly a solid week to fully recover. At it's worst point, I was so terrified that Roo was going to make his or her appearance while I was sick. You do whatever you have to, but the idea of going through labor and having a newborn in that state was intimidating. Thankfully, God heard my prayers and I was able to recoup and get the rest I needed. Just in time for Zoey to get a slightly lighter version of the Cold/Flu. It was an interesting week in the Duiker household.

While I was curled up in bed, Henry and his folks worked hard on our basement to finish it up, and I am thrilled to say that I am currently in our new basement with Henry and Zoey and loving it. Yesterday was the first day we were able to spend some family time in the new space together. It's taken up so much time and dedication and we are so incredibly thankful for those who made it possible.

I am unsure as to how life will be after Baby Roo arrives but isn't that always the way it goes. Sweet Zoey seems to senses something big is changing and her behaviour has reflected that unease. We know however, that with a great deal of patience from and towards each of us we will work through any challenges that will inevitably come our way. Henry and I are so excited for what is to come and can not wait to meet this new little person and learn about his or her personality. We look at Zoey and are amazed at who she is and are continuously falling more and more in love with her. Who wouldn't want to do that again! So we wait patiently and continue to pray that God will give us all we need to raise our 2 children.

Ever Getting It Right...

Does anyone ever feel like they have no idea what they are doing in life and parenting? Anyone feel like you are royally screwing up your children? Good heavens I sure do! I'm hoping that over time that lessens as we see our children become self sustaining adults who hopefully go on to make their own good decisions.

I had a moment yesterday where I was plagued with doubts of my parenting ability. I am assuming it was brought on by a semi long afternoon of meltdowns and a need to be held every moment. In the light of a new day, even with it own challenges already, I see that while we had some 'moments' we had a great day together. We cleaned up, put away laundry together, baked snack and made some lasagna, listened to Adventures in Odyssey, she had a bath and so did the puppy. We wrapped the day at our Community Group which is always such a blessing. Zoey came with us this time and got to play with her friend who lives there. He's nearly twice her age but they do so well together it is so amazing for me to see. Since Zoey is a little shy, his personality helps direct her into an engaged playtime. So as we sat with our group wrapping our final chat about The Holy Spirit (Forgotten God by Francis Chan...read it!) Henry and I could see our quiet little girl bouncing and giggling with her friend.

It's in those moment God reminds me that despite my failings, our desire to raise Zoey and Roo in a God filled and directed household will be honored. It's shocking to think that truly, God loves our children even more than we possibly could and wants the best for them. If I want proof, really all I have to do is spend sometime just watching her play. She is beautiful, healthy, and so incredibly loving. And two.....sometimes I forget the impact that being two has on behavior and needs and it all come back into focus.

So I am trying to give us all a break and prayerfully remind myself that if I follow God in my parenting as well, Zoey will be be blessed in her future and growth. 

Up Coming Ultrasound and PUPPS....

For those who have followed along with me or heard my prayer requests, you know that I have become sadly familiar with intense itching. It has been diagnosed at Eczema but we can't really dig deep into the cause until after this pregnancy. I've been blessed with the ability to manage most flares through cream from my Dermatologist. However, on Friday last week I had what I call a flare up, but this one looked and felt different. My belly was incredibly itchy this time and it has never been before. I know better that to truly scratch as I told Henry, 'Think I have just enough marks on my belly, thank you very much". At night when I had a chance to examine my belly I noticed it looked like I was covered with Chicken Pox. 'What on earth is this!" I sighed and showed Henry. We had no idea and decided to do the best job managing it we could. I thought perhaps I reacted to Vitamin E oil I had tried that afternoon. Tuesday has come along and the rash and itch is still there. I went to see my doctor this morning to get his thoughts and his diagnosis was one I was hoping to avoid. He said it looks just like PUPPS. What is PUPPS you ask? It's a pregnancy symptom that happens to a lucky few. The belly, and sometimes legs/arms are covered in an itchy rash. There is very little they can do, and not much in the way of testing to find out for sure. The part I knew about and was disappointed about is that it disappears on it's own......after the baby is born. Baby will be unaffected, but I've got a ways to go yet and I was hoping I was sneak through the rest of my pregnancy without crazy itching and having my poor belly covered in hives. It's so superficial, but a pregnant lady, not much of your body is familiar or even yours, and we tend to love on our belly's as the proof of the amazing and huge work we're doing. So having that part of me marred is a little disappointing. However, I had my poor me moment with my sister, mom, and husband, and I am focusing on the health of my family, which I am so grateful to God! Besides, I'm used to being itchy now right!

My view at 20 weeks....it's awesome :)

20 weeks

On the horizon we have our Ultrasound next week and I couldn't be happier! Henry is going to come it with me and we can't wait to see Baby Roo and how he/she grown since the first viewing. My doctor told me this morning that Baby Roo is already a little stubborn. Roo does not want to be found when it's time for the dopplar. And when baby was found, there was a massive amount of wiggling to sneak away. It's been amusing seeing the differences between our babies. Zoey was a kicker! Always kicking and stopped at night to sleep and started wiggling right away, very true to her character. Baby Roo has been wiggly but much less so, there are fewer moments in the day and most when I lay down at night for about 20 minutes and then it's quiet for the night. When Roo logged into my Left side I couldn't for the life of me get him/her to move. I have no idea how a baby floating in fluid hangs on like that but I'm so enamored with Roo's personality.

Wore Daddy right out with all the blocks

Not sure why, but it's her new favorite spot!

After a long day of playing and healing

She saw Marshmallows in the The Lorax and she became obsessed!

Cozy coffee table

Zoey's hand is healing beautifully and I think very soon she can start playing in the dirt and on the playground again! She's been a trooper and minus some challenging days overcoming the emotional aspect of her accident, we've all landed on our feet and have been enjoying as much time together possible. Paint is going on the walls this week so we are seeing a slow wrap to this enormous project. We will be so happy to have this finished and not feel the draw of our time and energy. Until then, I will keep you updated once the colors are up!

20 Weeks and a Loooong Weekend...

Hi!

It's unbelievable to me that we are halfway through this pregnancy! On Wednesday morning I woke up and felt my belly was shifted. I looked and Baby Roo had lodged into my left side creating a lump on one side and a tilted belly on the other. It's very common occurrence as baby gets bigger, but I told Henry that it hadn't occurred to me that Baby Roo could possibly be THAT big yet! I assumed it would be another month at least before we would see that happening. It's another symptom of not fully absorbing how fast this pregnancy is flying by! At the same time I am so overly excited, it's my favorite thing about being pregnant. There are a lot of jabs and jolts that make you flinch, but there is always a bubble of joy for me with each one. Last night we just watched Baby Roo roll and flip around. We are so grateful. We are also looking forward to our Ultrasound. The first one was so emotional and fast that we are excited to see baby in a more calm setting (not that we didn't adore seeing baby so early!).

This past weekend was a long weekend and we were so excited to have some time as a family. So much effort has been going into finishing parts of our basement and it eats up a lot of free time for Henry. We know it needs to get done and we are so blessed to be able to work on it and have the help, but it really does take so much time. So even though we had plans to put some time into it over the weekend, we knew we would spend as much time as a family as possible. It was great being able to go for walks in the morning, run errands together, go to the ER....Oh I haven't mentioned that part, right.

Zoey had her first ER visit and first truly rough injury over the weekend. We were all making supper together and Zoey was happily playing with her dolly and feeding her some bread when in a split second a pot was moved and for some reason she reached over and touched the glowing red element. We wonder if she thought it was a button or something you see in every Mickey Mouse Clubhouse episode. Henry scooped her up as I tried to figure out what on earth had just happened. We got cold water on it immediately and she screamed....she screamed off and on for about 4 - 5 hours. We ended up having to hold her with a container of cold water at all times. She screamed when we took the water to swap it for fresh water, and randomly cried until she finally passed out around 10pm. We debated going to Emerg that night but at the time we only saw burns on the tips of her fingers and knew it would traumatize her more. We managed to get her to take some Tylenol and after at least an hour of trying to get her to fall asleep, I needed back up. After many many prayers, begging God to help relieve her pain so she can sleep He told me to bring her to Henry. I brought her and on the verge of tears told him, "I'm not sure what to do anymore..." In that moment Zoey stopped crying and seemed distracted by my tears and we all had a family moment to breathe for just a second. She reached out for Henry and buried her face into his neck and we talked quietly about what to do to help her sleep. Since she was calmed with her Daddy we decided to let her snuggle up on the couch and watch The Heffalump Movie (one of her all time favorites). I nearly wept with relief as she started to giggle and smile at her favorite moments in the movie after about an hour Henry and I switched and Zoey was starting to give into the exhaustion of the evening and fell asleep in my arms. We were able to sneak the water bucket away and waited until we felt the deep deep sleep come over her and then laid her down in her bed. Henry and I went up to bed and just sat there together and tried to decompress after everything that had happened. We know that this happens to a lot or even most kids, but I don't think anyone would really dare to say it's an easy thing to go through with your child. Your baby in pain, pain that you can't take away is excruciating. On the positive side, she is doing better everyday. Even though it was more extensive than we originally thought, hence the ER trip the next morning, we feel like we in some crazy way are closer and have learned more about each other. We are also so grateful for God's protection over Zoey, it could have been much much worse and our prayers for relief for Zoey were answered and she slept through the night which felt like a miracle in itself.



The summer is zooming by and we are doing our best to stay cool and find something to do each day. Yesterday we went to see Henry at the shop which was lot of fun. Normally she falls asleep on the way and then is grumpy after being woken up mid nap. This time I made her nap a little earlier and she was fed and awake before we left. When we got there we made a trip to the BC Fruit truck and the Dutch bakery and after sat down at the shop for a quick lunch. Here are just a couple other things Zoey's been up too!

Family came through after camping and she taught them her new favorite game....

...It's called, Here! Pick these up!

After all that playtime she got a treat :)

Playing with the new Castle from Grammy

It's pretty awesome

Explaining why the baby needs to be bubble wrapped to Opa. I'm not convinced :)

Enjoying a treat from Auntie Bailey

All in all things have been busy, crazy, and amazing in the Duiker household, but that seems about right for us!

A Matter of Faith....

Last week many of us were horrified to hear of a child abduction in Sparwood, B.C. Three year old Kienan Hebert was taken from his home in the middle of the night. When I first heard about it on the radio first thing in the morning, I jumped up from our bed and ran downstairs to check on Zoey. I knew that one child being taken did not mean that mine had been also but I needed to see her and hear her breathing in the moment. I think many parents would understand.

Over the next couple days I could not shake this story from my head. It was constantly running in the back of my head. This is not unusual for me. Those who know me. know that stories of people hurting and in pain, whether I know them or not, find a way deep into my heart. I feel grief deeply with others who I do not know and even more with those that I do. I've learned to accept and even like this part of myself, being a caring person makes me who I am. However, the weight I was feeling for this family and for this precious little boy was growing and did not lessen over the days. I felt strongly that God was telling me to pray and pray often for this boy as he would be okay. I wasn't sure if it was optimism, as I always want the best outcome (as most do), but these need to pray and have faith would not leave me. I don't have such strong feelings often but I always take them very seriously when they come.

I had been fighting such a persistent cold all week and Saturday night was the worst so far. I had managed to fall into a much needed sleep until at 12:30am I jolted awake after a vision or dream where I distinctly saw the headline, "B.C Boy Found". Hopeful, I grabbed my phone and searched online to see if was true. I was saddened when I could not find anything. After that, sleep eluded me for an hour and I had begun coughing as well so I decided to relocate myself downstairs so I wouldn't keep Henry awake. One of us should be able to get some sleep. Once I was downstairs I still couldn't get Kienan off my mind enough to sleep so I pulled out the laptop and started searching again to see if I missed something. During this time, God was telling me to pray and pray persistently and so I obeyed. That evening I was unable to get to sleep until early morning, last I had checked it was somewhere around 5:00am when I was able to drift off.

We were up early Sunday morning since Henry was playing worship at the church. I had decided to stay home since I really wasn't feeling well but I wanted to have some time with Henry before he left. As I poured our coffee I told him about my experiences from that evening. I was telling him that I had seen the headline in my vision or dream and couldn't stop praying about it all night. I was telling him that I was a little confused by the level of pressing I was feeling. As I was finishing this thought and bringing our cups of coffee to the table Henry had opened the laptop and said, "You're not going to believe this...they found him". I think my eyes must have popped completely out of my head. I started to cry and I ask Henry, "Is he okay?". We say down together and read the amazing account of Kienan's safe return to his home. It is a completely unbelievable, unheard of story. His abductor brought him back to his home, and called 911 to tell them that the child would be found in the house. Only by the grace of God was this series of events possible.

I am sharing this with you because this series of events has had a profound impact on me and I want to share my unwavering belief in my God. The God who has his hand of protection and love around me and my family always. It has impressed upon me the power of prayer, not just my prayer, but the prayers of a country.

I am a worrier, it affects my life in a way that I keep to myself. People do not see the rapid fears and worries that assault my mind at almost every step of my life. However, I know, with one hundred percent certainty and confidence that my faith in God keeps me from self destruction. When fears plague me, I am able to breath and pray to the one who understands me and my mind the best. I give it to Him and a prayer asking for protection and will for our lives allows me to continue on. This is not to say I never struggle, I have many many struggles but I have been learning so much and I am so grateful.

I am overjoyed at the safe return of Kienan Hebert and I celebrate with his family as they are able to hug him, hold him, and kiss his head again. And I also am grateful for the way God has continued to reveal Himself to me and my family.