Sleeping Beauty

If I put Zoey down for a nap while she's still awake, I leave the door open just a crack. That way if she cries before falling asleep, I can still creep up to the door and peak in on her to make sure she's alright. There are a lot of reasons that I do this, but probably number one has to be, Peace of Mind. There have been a few nights since she's been born that I've gotten up in the night and had a peak in on her. I listen to hear her soft breathing and look just over the edge of her crib and see that she's sleeping. Sometimes I come upstairs and tell Henry about the crazy positions I find her in. Without fail, he will smile and laugh, and say, "we have one cute kid".



Today she fell asleep in the bouncy seat we have in the bathroom. Since she's still not one hundred percent stable (and the space isn't Zoey proofed yet) she will hang out in there as I get a shower after a run. It's a lovely routine. This time she fell asleep in her chair which is always unbearably precious. I finished cleaning up and brought her down to her crib to finish her nap. She woke up as I laid her down and she cried. I kissed her, covered her up, and closed the door leaving that crack open. After just a few minutes I went to check on her and I smiled when I saw her. She was staring at the designs on the bumpers, playing with the blankets, swinging her feet around. There is a great deal of sweetness in the simplicity of my little girl falling asleep, peacefully in her crib.

Putting It Off...

I've been meaning to add a post for Zoey's first birthday. Well it's been a few weeks and I haven't been able to get that done.

How on earth do I summarize what the past year has been like? It's been so indescribably amazing and huge. I've sat down a few times to try and write her one year post but the words have escaped me...

The last few weeks have been amazing and tough. Zoey is sleeping through the night....those who have been reading my posts and talked to me, know how much this concerned us. It wasn't a fact of not wanting or a unwillingness to get up with her, but it was a concern that we were doing something wrong. We also know that being able to get to sleep and stay asleep is an important skill. We are so so proud of her and so happy that we managed this milestone. It's as we told ourselves multiple times over the past year, there are so many times I've thought "I'm not sure how she'll do this?" and suddenly one day, she does it. The human body and Zoey in general is amazing and I have learned to have faith that God knows what the plan is for our little family.

I cannot believe how fast my little girl is growing up. I see glimpses of this amazing toddler everyday. It seems everyday she learns something new, develops a new behaviors or skill, and everyday she shatters our hearts with how much we love her.

In the midst of a fit where she thrashes when I hold her and screams till shes purple if I put her down, I step back and think about how frustrating it can be but wonderful at the same time. Learning big lessons, teething, and life in general can be tough and I marvel at the ability and honor to watch her learn even the tough things. I've always felt pretty good with patience with others, especially children. I am grateful for this trait as it's served our family well. It's not always easy but I hope that Zoey can sense how much she is loved and how unconditional that love is.

We have been reading Zoey Bible stories before bed and it's awesome. Henry reads it and we do the actions together, it warms my heart to be teaching her these important lessons and stories early. Last night we went upstairs to get her ready for bed and she crawled over to my bedside table with a purpose. I was about to tell her 'Don't touch' when I realized she was going straight for her Bible (a very cute pink one 'Just for Girls'). I gave it to her and she flipped happily through the pages. Henry came and sat down with her and they found the right story and she clapped and smiled as he read it to her. There has been a massive amount of ulcer inducing stress in my/our life for the last while. So much that some days I feel like I wander through my day in a daze. I feel as though I just need to 'Get through the day'. I try and keep my home from falling apart, complete my job in a manner that I can be proud of, make sure my daughter has plenty of time with mommy and feels loved, and manage time with my amazing husband. Some days this along with the other demands in my life feel overwhelming. However, I am in the process of relearning how to lean on God for everything and to take things piece by piece and not taking it all on in one shot.

Life is so amazingly good and I am feeling incredibly blessed. As people in the Province have lost their homes to fire and with what feels like an unending string of horrific natural disasters, I am grateful for everything I have.




My sweet and precious Zoey has brought so much joy to our lives and we are so proud of her. We thank God daily for her. I pray she always knows how loved and precious she is!

Mommy and Daddy love you sweetheart <3 Always and Forever

Becoming Confident...

I've been realizing that parenting requires confidence, something that does not always come easily when you feel like you have no idea what you are doing.

We are trying to grow in our confidence in what we are doing with Zoey. There are some areas in our everyday life that makes it a little more difficult some times. Sleep has been an issue this week. I'm not sure exactly what is causing the issue, but Zoey has been waking up nearly hourly the past couple nights. It makes it difficult for the poor thing (and her poor parents) to feel entirely rested in the morning. She has increased her frequency of feedings during the day in the last 48 hours so it makes me think perhaps teething, growth spurt, cold...anyone of those things. Henry and I talk a lot about what we want/think we should do. We read articles and books, talk to other parents. The general consensus, in my humble opinion, is that every child is drastically different and there are very few 'One Size Fits All' solutions. I have owned the choices we made and the difficult days that they may create in our future and I think that is part of trying to become confident. Henry and I know Zoey the best, we have a pretty good idea of what has/will work, but we are not so closed minded that we are not open to other suggestions and advice.

One of the difficulties we are having is we know Zoey would be able to cry it out, but since she stands up in her crib every time and it begins a crazy process of her crying, falling asleep while standing, falling down and starting all over because she's scared or bumped herself. If she does manage to sit down first, she wakes herself up every time her head bobs forward. We bought a new crib set for Zoey's birthday and it includes bumpers that we hope will help a little. As I was writing this post, I had to stop since my daughter was having a meltdown. She wanted me to pick her up but we are working to make sure she gets picked up not because she's crying. She worked herself up into a tizzy and once she finally settled I held her and rocked her a little and her muffled hics and soft cries began to slow into a sleeping breath. This reinforces the knowledge that she could fall asleep on her own, but who would want to deal with falling asleep standing up? We are talking about perhaps consistently going in and laying her back down. It's worth a shot.



This would be easy if I felt like we knew exactly what would work, or if her cries didn't go straight to our hearts. We love her so much and we are finding that balance between making sure she feels loved, supported, and comforted by her parents and also making sure as her parents we help her grow and develop the skills she needs.

I am trying so hard to relax about it all and give it to God. We will figure it all out. Zoey is a healthy, beautiful, spunky little girl. We love her so much and treasure every blessed moment with her, even the tough ones.




On an exciting point, we are trying to figure out what to do for her 1st Birthday Party! It's clearly all for us adults but it's excited none the less! My precious little girl is turning One and I cannot believe it!

Sleep Training....Sigh...

Brutal! Last weekend was exhausting for Henry and I. We've been working with Zoey on going to sleep in her crib without being fed first or being totally asleep. She's resisting, but mostly only for her afternoon nap. We generally have been fighting with her on it for an hour minimum everyday. She's so so exhausted but either falls asleep while standing in her crib and then wakes up screaming (who wouldn't sleeping like that!) or she'll give in and sit down but the movement of a head drooping as she falls asleep wakes her every time. The other day it was every time her head drooped she would bang into the crib bars. Poor baby. By the end of it I end up peaking through the little crack in her door to see if she's okay, and at the end of the hour, I wait for her to quiet down before I get her.

I pray the whole time, begging to see her just gently lie down and give into the sleep. I have been thinking I need to write down some where a note to her, so that when she's older, maybe even when she is doing the same thing with her children, she knows mommy was always watching her, listening for her soft breath, praying for her, loving her. As awful as it is, and as awful as she may feel in the moment, she's never alone. Her parents are always there. I think that is such a comforting idea. I know that I gained so much comfort from the presence of my parents when I was younger and as well as I get older. I think even more so, the imagery is significant when we think about our Heavenly Father. We sob and cry. We beg and ask why, but we are never alone. No matter how we feel, He is watching and loving us. We are doing this with Zoey because we know (or hope) it's best, and who better to know what is best for us than God.

So my Dearest Zoey. Whenever you read this, please know that your Mommy and Daddy love you more than they ever thought they could love another person. We are always watching you and loving you. We pray daily for you and look forward to a day where you will come to know the comfort and joy in prayer and even more so, in a relationship with your Heavenly Father. We love you, forever and always.




And now I'm going to get my baby girl and make her feel all better <3

Dragging Our Feet...

Feeling a little tired this morning. Teething has reared it's ugly head once again and is making a full night sleep for our little girl much more difficult. Sunday night was long as Zoey was up three times. We were tired but it's manageable. It's amazing how your body adapts and adjusts to the lack of sleep! Last night was longer, after the third time up I decided I needed to get her back to sleep without bringing her upstairs. Sometimes it's a difficult choice as just keeping with the routine is quicker and easier, but I wanted to give it a go.

The last time I tried she was teething as well, and I'de rock her to sleep until she went limp with sleep and as I would lay her down her eyes would pop open and she would scream. I'de try to comfort her, rub her head or tummy, turn on her aquarium, but she would fight my hands away and scream and pull herself up and beg me to hold her again. I rocked her to sleep again and again tried to lie her down once she was close to sleep. The same thing, she woke up screaming. I decided I would see if she would fall asleep if I went upstairs for a minute. In less than five minutes she was coughing and gagging. Zoey has allergies that result in a running nose, and when she cries, the nose runs more and it causes her to gag and cough and if we don't calm her she vomits. So I went back down and calmed her down. I think understandably I felt a little discouraged. After almost an hour she was still awake and anytime I turned to her crib she wrapped her little arms around my neck. So I gave in and realized in order for us all to get some sleep I brought her upstairs and fed her briefly. She fell asleep and slept the rest of the night.



That was a week or so ago, last night was a near exact replica, except that even after I brought her up she resisted sleep. I rubbed her tummy, and she seemed to need to release some gas. After a few minutes of gentle tummy rubs she was sleeping. I think getting to sleep needs to be a peaceful process. I completely understand that babies need to be able to get themselves to sleep, and when she isn't teething she is fully capable and she does. But when there is something bothering her, teething, stomach pains, otherwise, she gets much to worked up to sleep.

So after I had her asleep, I took her back down and she stayed asleep as I laid her down. Relief! I came back upstairs and crawled into bed greedily. Henry and I chatted about what we thought about what had happened for a few minutes and then curled up to go to sleep. Less than a half an hour later and she woke up screaming again. Very quick and sudden. Henry went to get her and brought along her Infacol. We gave her a dose and some more tummy rubs and soon enough she went back to sleep. She did manage to sleep the rest of the morning. I feel that it was gas pain that was keeping her up. I always end up kicking myself when we realize what the problem was, I wish I had tried something simple in the beginning. It's a learning process for all of us.




Henry and I are committed to praying for wisdom and help in raising this precious little girl and if there are nights without sleep to figure things out and to raise a daughter who feels loved and cared for, so be it. We are so incredibly grateful for Zoey and her continued health. Life is so full and we are soaking up every crazy, confusing, and exhausting minute!

Baby Blue Eyes

Zoey has the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen. People tell me that she gets them from me and I think that is the most flattering comment. From the day she was born Henry and I have marveled at her big blue eyes. She has been wide eyed from the first hour. Now as she gets older these eyes carry so much expression. When she smiles so big that her face can't contain it her eyes dance. They crinkle on the side and squint. When she is scared or startled, her eyes get large and open. They try to take everything around her in and seems to be searching for someone to comfort her and make her feel safe. When she laughs her eyes close and then open wide when she tries to gasp for breath (mostly when she's playing with her daddy). When she is sad, tears cling to her beautiful lashes and her eyes beg us to make it better.



As my sweet girl gets older, it is bitter sweet in ways, but we are soaking in every milestone, every new sound, facial expression, and triumph. It's hard to believe she is almost a year old! It's impossible to imagine life without this beautiful blue eyed girl in our lives.

Delicious Fridays...

It's finally Friday and after such a long week, I feel ready to recharge a little bit. Poor Zoey had an incredibly tough week with teething. Every morning this week ended with sobbing and screaming. Some days carried into the afternoon, but we survived. Today seems to be going a bit better already but a good nap always helps!

She always perked up when her daddy came home. She is trying so hard to talk and when he would get home it was as if she would try to tell him everything she did. She's exploring the ranges of her voice, with high squeaks and low 'Oohs', it's been a perfect way to end our days.




Fridays are treasures to me. After a long week at work, I have the day off. So I get a chance to just play with my monkey. We clean the house, read, play with toys, and sometimes we even get out of the house! It's odd when you get out and realize, hey this is the first time since Sunday! It's a lifestyle I have adapted to however. Tonight I am planning on making Henry's favorite Ice Cream Cake. I was going to make it for his Birthday but since it had coffee in it, it was not allowed in January. I think it might be a nice treat to enjoy while we relax tonight.

This week I have also rediscovered one of my childhood loves, Adventures in Odyssey. It's a Focus on the Family radio show that's been running for over twenty years. My sister and I used to listen to them all the time. I would actually have them running as I would go to sleep. So it's been fun going through and listening to old shows and learning about the new ones. I was so sad to find out that the actor who played Mr Whit for many many years passed away last year. So it's a little different hearing a new actor, but I remember adjusting when the original actor Hal Smith passed away and I embraced Paul Herlinger quickly. It's the character that is treasured along with the people who bring them to life. It will always have a place in my heart, with all the lessons it taught me. I still remember specific things that I've learned and held on to that I gained from Odyssey. I hope maybe someday Zoey will find them a blessing to her as well.